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Turning points


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From your experience, what are the major turning points in the healing process?

 

Thus far, turning points I can note are (both which I have yet to get past):

 

When you can not mention your ex in conversation with someone new. Even if you just met someone as a friend, during the beginning of a break up, you will probably not get far without bringing up your ex. This is because a lot of your recent experiences have been with him/her. You do realize that this would be a major red flag for dating, so you should think, I'm not ready to date yet. Not only have I not stopped thinking about her on a regular basis, I haven't stopped mentioning her in conversation.

 

When you stop venting to your friends about your ex. Ah, soon there will be a time when I won't be mentioning my ex to friends, about how I miss her, how we used to do this and that. Part of why you will stop talking about him/her is because you will most likely be exhausted. I've talked about my ex so much, I'm starting to get sick of it.

 

When you can be out and about and not wish your ex was with you. I have a long ways to go before I get past this. There are so many moments when I can't help but think,I wish I could just walk up to her house right now and spend the night with her all cuddled up in bed. I can't wait until I can just hang and not be invaded by such wishful thinking.

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oh gosh...that one takes forever!!! i feel like half my life is wasted on getting over exes, and then on to the next WRONG one! Yeah, all my exes from my past I would not want back because I am a different person. But the combination of time it took me to heal and get through that seems like such an agonizing waste of time...ugh! The one right now, he is with someone else and is not right for me...But I still would have him back, or at least try if he wanted it...

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For me, it was when another girl at a bar gave me her number.

 

No way was I ready for that relationship, but to me, that was the first major event that signaled to me that everything was going to be okay. At least a girl found me attractive.

 

3 months later, I'm going on my first real date since the BU, and I'm pretty stoked and excited about it!

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When you stop wishing every aspect of their life will be shattered, lol.

 

I want my ex to become the loneliest person on earth, with no external validation from anyone. I want her to go without sex for ever, cos that's apparently what she likes.

 

Having said that, i hope she gets laid. It's what she needs, i'm sure she hasn't had much throughout her life...

 

I dunno, i guess you're over them when you no longer care or want to exact revenge on them.

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when you find out the ex is seeing someone new but you are sincerely happy for him/her and wishes the best...

 

when you learn to love yourself again and you no longer deprive yourself of opportunities that will make you happy and feel brand new...

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Im not fully over my ex but I can feel it fading quickly, quicker now - 6 months later - than in the first 2 -3 months. They were the hardest.

 

I was in denial about how bad it was for a long time so I think that might have made things harder initially but I have become really aware now of how I know I felt but chose to ignore for a long time which has really helped.

 

I think the whole "not mentioning them in conversation" is definitely a biggie. I have stopped talking about him completely with people who I've met since the BU or with friends etc that I've spent more time with since then, as in I have stopped talking about the BU, it is almost impossible though not to mention him at all some times though because so many of the things I have done in the last 3 years, he was there for or had something to do with it, but even then, when talking to friends and new acquaintances, I dont ever bring him up. With close friends and my family though its harder. But i'm getting there. I still think about him alot but I talk about him way less.

 

I used to want to know things about him, like how he is, who he is seeing, does he miss me etc, and used to not be able to stop my self from asking people those questions but now I don't ask at all..... and to be totally honest, I don't think I care. There are days when I do but i trust my self enough to not ask and to just "get on with it"

 

A huge thing that helps me, because when I down and feeling like a drama queen - I just remind my self that:

 

I am 22, the break up of a 2 year and 9 month relationship is not going to define me or the rest of my life. I am so much more than one relationship and I have so much longer to go. ahahahaha. It really helps!

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I am 22, the break up of a 2 year and 9 month relationship is not going to define me or the rest of my life. I am so much more than one relationship and I have so much longer to go. ahahahaha. It really helps!

 

Oh my gosh YES. That is a great way to look at things and good advice for others to do so too. Nothing like putting things in perspective to help you over someone.

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