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I guess I can't trust him!


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I guess my boyfriend really is just full of

I went to the Bible study this evening and think I was already a little skeptical because I saw him cooking dinner for the group with this new girl who looks very much like his ex. I thought it was weird that he was cooking with her, as he always cooks with me only. I went to say hi to him and poked him playfully and he wasn't very responsive, so I went and sat down with other people while he continued to cook with that girl in the kitchen. I didn't feel jealous but I felt disconnected since we haven't talked in afew days (and he doesn't have a phone). I thought that sucked.

 

So anyway, after the Bible study (he teaches the youth group so he's not with me), I had to seek HIM out. Instead of asking about me, he told me all this stuff about his ex girlfriend getting drunk, etc. etc...going on and on about her. I had gone to my dad's who I haven't seen in a long time and he didn't even ask about that. I interrupted and told him that I also had things to say. He apologized for monopolizing the conversation (we've talked about him doing that sooo many times and he always claims that he's "trying").

 

I just felt very disconnected. I didn't want him to touch me. He tried and i pulled away like he had the plague. I don't like someone touching on me when we haven't talked and connected, even if he is my boyfriend.

 

I joked that he had to get a phone. He had told me previously that his boss was going to give him a phone. I asked about the status on that and he changed the subject. Then he told me he was taking his bottles in to be recycled on Monday (he told me previously that it was a very important day that he had to work and that's why he couldn't have a medical procedure done that day). So I called him on it and he got defensive and said "I have to take the recycling in cuz I have to pay my rent!" That is bs though because he only has to pay 200 bucks for rent to his sister! Where is the rest of the money going? And why does he need to take a day off work for recycling? That is such a dumb excuse. Once he took a day off work because he had a blister.

 

I feel he is very irresponsible and full of excuses. I cannot marry this dude. It makes me sad, but he's obviously not as motivated to change as I thought he was. He acted like he was doing all this stuff for me, but I don't see him for a few days and there he goes, back to his old ways. I cannot marry someone I can't count on. Someone who takes off work to recycle some bottles but can't take off work for an important medical procedure (that he's getting done for FREE because he mooches off the state).

 

The pastor wants to talk to us this weekend (my boyfriend intiated it...he said it was so he could learn how to communicate and listen better). But what is the point when I know how my boyfriend is? I am going to tell the pastor everything I am saying here. I am sure my boyfriend will be embarrassed because he tries to look good for the pastor, but the pastor ought to know what a faker he really is.

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This guy sounds completely unmotivated. I'm sure its not someone you would want to marry or raise kids with, its not even someone you could depend on if you were ever in trouble.

 

The fact that he's living with his sister, paying only $200 a month for rent (and having trouble doing THAT) and having to take recycling in to get money for rent, shows that he has got some serious issues. Where are his paychecks going???

Then theres the fact that he talks non-stop about his ex.

 

 

If you KNOW that you do not want to marry or be with this guy then you shouldn't even attend the pastor meeting. Just break up with him.

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WW, I've been following your posts for awhile, though I haven't been commenting. I just want to say that you're an excellent and evocative writer, and they've been very interesting to read.

 

I'm glad you're realizing that this is NOT a guy you should be marrying, despite his insistence. Now you just need to cut him loose.

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Like others I too have been reading your threads and following your situation. It just seems like an emotional roller coaster and you need to get off NOW!!! I don't necessarily see him as a bad person, but he is definitely confused about you. He is so hot and cold with you so why would you subject yourself to that treatment. It just does not seem like you two are compatible and it looks like it will never mend together.

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...I'm not understanding the need for you to publicly embarrass him at your church. If you don't want to date him anymore, then break up with him privately. Calling him out in front of your minister goes beyond breaking up and literally trying to shame the man and destroy his presence in a place he feels loved and where he contributes.

 

That's pretty crappy, WW. I hope you're a better person than that.

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Is this the same guy that told everyone after two months that he's going to marry you?

 

Why doesn't he have a phone and why is he paying rent to his sister... and why is he taking off work to bring back recycling?! I feel that he's not very financially responsible. Would you agree with that?

 

It seems like this guy isn't rooted in the real world. Going on and on about marriage with a woman he barely knows and hasn't even asked, not really being financially responsible, and he sounds like a bit of a ditz (like he's off on some weird tangent). Do you think this sounds right?

 

Rather than trying to embarrass him, I'd tell him your concerns (his disconnected feeling, his unrealistic expectations, and his overly whimsical view on life). Maybe this can be salvaged but I wouldn't put in the effort since you've only been dating for 2 months.

 

If you plan on breaking up with him either way, just do it now and don't get the preacher into this. He may be a weird guy but he's unstable enough as it is. I think it's uncalled for to purposely want to embarrass him.

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