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Depression ??


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I have been going through a lot recently, internally. I am just very unhappy with myself. I have really bad skin and that upsets me. It's REALLY bad and I've tried to go to the dr but nothing they give me works. It depresses me so much so that I guess I've turned to food and now I've put on weight. I used to weigh around 115-120...i think i'm 127-8 right now. While it's not TERRIBLE and I still mainly fit into the same clothes, I just feel DISGUSTING. I think its because I know I'm letting myself go.

 

I know I have to make time to excerise, and I'm just making excuses because obviously I'm not busy to the point where I can't do anything - but honestly I am VERY busy. I have 2 part time jobs, I am going to school full time, I babysit and I am president of a club at school. I honestly have VERY little free time and the little bit of time I do have I just need to get school work done.

 

In addition, I have this incessant need to try and make everyone I care about happy and if they are not happy I get severely depressed. I know this is my own issue and something I need to address and sort out because it is not healthy. But I'm struggling with it because when my dad says he is upset with his job or my sister is sick or my mom 's feelings were hurt I get upset to the point where I cry. I just want the best for them and they are great people and I hate to see them hurting. In any way - even if its not a big deal.

I know this is part of life, and things happen, and they are big boys and girls and don't need me to get upset, but I just want everything to be perfect and everyone to be happy. *Sigh* I realize the world doesnt work this way, but I have pretty bad anxiety so I guess I deal with things in a weird way.

 

Im not sure the point of this post, I guess I'm just upset latetly and want to feel better and better myself. I don't want to be fat and have pimples and get upset over everything.](*,)

 

Also, I had an issue with someone today over something stupid and I am trying to be the bigger person and let it go. I want to stop letting the little things get to me.

 

I know I've been all over the place with this post, and like I said, I don't even know where I'm going with it. I just need someone to talk to. Or someone to tell me what to do. I don't know...Thanks for reading

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To me it sounds like you are a nice person who cares about friends and family, how can that be a bad thing? Maybe you could keep a BIT of distance and not get so worked up, that way you could still care about their lives and be supportive, but just not let it get to you so much? At the end of the day, everyone has to deal with their issues personally, you should just be there for them.

 

Perhaps you are a tad over-committed? I know that when I am stressed out with school / work, I tend to neglect my health sometimes, eat fast food, not exercise, and I just need to take a day to myself and get back into a healthy routine. It sounds like you are spending a lot of time worrying about other people, school, job, responsibilities, and neglecting YOU! Maybe it's time to free up a bit of time for your sanity

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I really appreciate you taking the time to respond I do think I neglect myself sometimes, but I feel like I have no willpower anymore. Everytime I tell myself to stop eating crap, I walk by some chocolate or cupcakes and eat a few even though I know I need to stop.

 

I know its good to care about your friends and family, but I think I let my worrying about them CONSUME my life and its not healthy. If I don't hear from my family right away, I work myself up thinking something is wrong.

 

I dont know, I think I do need to focus on myself more, I just don't have the time.

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