The Cheater Blames Me

[Mee-chelle]

Hey guys I am having a little difficulty dealing with what is going on right now. I pretty much confirmed the ex cheated. He went into the nitty gritty details of it. Kept using her name E this and E that all day. I even know what he did to her. Strangely he kept taking back what he said as a joke about the detail and actual process of cheated, but then would proclaim it to be true again, and then take it back. This made the whole situation even more taxing.

 

All the while, he has been contacting me every day. I have been good and ignoring. He goes from being nice and trying to win me back to awful name calling.

 

He puts all the blame for what he did on me (cheating). He called me awful names that would insinuate that I am easy and sleep around the like the W word. I know I can't type them here because it will be censored. He seemingly has no remorse for his actions. Yet I am the one being told I can't keep my legs closed. I didn't cheat on him. He cheated on me. He even picked up an STD in the process. They both did. I just found out today that I am negative on all accounts of STDs thank god.

 

They both are blaming me for the one they caught though. Even though I have nothing. I haven't even been intimate with him in over a month.

 

Why am I the one who is being blamed, and verbally attacked. This is all so emotionally draining on me. I hate him today. I can't see myself feeling anything but hate for him from this point on, but still I am having trouble staying strong emotionally. I can only take so much.

 

Why does the cheater place the blame on the other, and so harshly. Has anyone else experienced this? Is he ever going to stop bothering me?

[Sanesoul]

It's projection. He can't handle taking the blame for his actions, so it's easier to put the blame on you. In short, he's a jacka**.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Don't let him tear you down. He's not worth it.

[rosephase]

he is feeling guilty as hell and want someone else to be the reason why he feels bad.

 

Why where you talking with him at all? Why was he telling you details about his sex life with another woman? What are you getting out of contact from him?

[LilBear]

He is such a mega jerk. Just ignore him completely honey. You don't owe him an explanation whatsoever. The reason I can give regarding the cheater blaming the other is that they feel that their cheating is justified because their ex caused it. It alleviates their guilt. Makes you seem like the bad person, so that they can say what they did was right.

 

Who needs this type of guy?

[uncomfynumb]

You know what? You are lucky that you are getting out of this kind of relationship with just a few scratches.

 

You dodged a bullet. He is an ass and you are now free.

[sidehop]

He knows you're on the higher ground and trying to take you down emotionally by giving you the guilt trip as you're not budging so you're doing a good job.

 

It's obvious if you are negative than there's nothing they can blame you. Obviously he's not being very truthful about his cheating and who knows where he exactly picked up the STD from. For all we know it could've been from another girl who was positive.

 

He's only trying to justify the action and when he cannot put the blame he's finding other reasons to smear that guilt on you.

 

You're the winner, he's the loser. Stay strong. Pull the plug on all form of communication with a person like him.

[Mee-chelle]

I am not talking to him. I had to talk to him once when he told me about the STD. Naturally I called because I panicked. I talked once when it was suspected and once for the results. I have been ignoring him other wise. He bombards me with awful text messages and voice mail.

 

I try not to read the text messages, but I can't seem to not read them.

 

I don't want to talk to him.

[rosephase]

block his number. Really just do it.

[Mee-chelle]

I wish but verizon doesn't offer that option. I am not changing my number over one person. I guess I'm going to have to learn to not be curious and delete messages before i open them.

[sidehop]

If he keeps harassing you I'm sure you can contact the local law enforcement especially if he starts to threaten you.

[faithful14]

This guys is such a loser but be glad you are not with him and you are not dealing with any kind of STD's. He's probably angry with himself for cheating but on top of that, getting an STD from another girl. That's karma for you. Maybe next time, he'll think twice before he cheats.

[Mee-chelle]

Yeah he hasn't threatened me. Only threat is that he thinks him and the girl can sue me for this STD I don't even have. The whole thing is silly and stupid, and I am glad I didn't end up even longer with this awful person. Not to mention the stress of thinking I had a disease for days..

[Mee-chelle]

This guys is such a loser but be glad you are not with him and you are not dealing with any kind of STD's. He's probably angry with himself for cheating but on top of that, getting an STD from another girl. That's karma for you. Maybe next time, he'll think twice before he cheats.

 

Sadly based on the things he has said I don't think he has learned any lesson at all.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This man is a deeply emotionally troubled individual, likely with some kind of personality disorder. These kind of people tend to blame everyone else for their problems, lack a conscience and empathy. He blames you because this is his character (or lack of character). It has nothing to do with you...this is down to his character and emotional failings. The fact that his story about his cheating changed every 5 minutes tells you that the "elevator does not necessarily go up to the top floor"...in other words, he is a messed up individual. Stay strong, don't buy into his BS and realize that he is a damaged human being.

[HeartGoesOn]

I wish but verizon doesn't offer that option. I am not changing my number over one person. I guess I'm going to have to learn to not be curious and delete messages before i open them.

 

Verizon will change your number free of charge as a courtesy, if you're in a situation like that, all it takes is a phone call to them.

[Mee-chelle]

Thanks guys. I am feeling a little better about the whole thing. Yes I am hurt, as I think it is natural, but I have to realize it is an issue with him and not me.

 

This is the second time in my life I have been in a serious relationship and I was cheated on. It is depressing. Both times I was blamed but not like this.

 

It was a full blown fight where both attacked me, and I was the promiscuous one that gave them an STD somehow. You guys are right I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I know I didn't do anything and that is what is important.

 

It doesn't justify the name calling, or being digitally screamed at all day via text, but I think I get it. I guess I just expected him to be more remorseful instead of rubbing her existence in my face.

 

Nonetheless I feel like I learned something today, and thank you for all of the kind words of encouragement. I am not going to change my number, but I am not going to look at the texts anymore.

[1guygirl]

This man is a deeply emotionally troubled individual, likely with some kind of personality disorder. These kind of people tend to blame everyone else for their problems, lack a conscience and empathy. He blames you because this is his character (or lack of character). It has nothing to do with you...this is down to his character and emotional failings. The fact that his story about his cheating changed every 5 minutes tells you that the "elevator does not necessarily go up to the top floor"...in other words, he is a messed up individual. Stay strong, don't buy into his BS and realize that he is a damaged human being.

 

totally agree with this....the guys a wingnut and you should be singing hallaluia (sp) to the big guy in the sky for getting rid of this guy

 

if you dont want to change your number i totally get that...its one idiot...BUT i would deffo either just delete the texts as soon as they come in, or open them, save them on a pc somewhere and get an injunction out on him (creating paper trails no matter how insignif are a good idea)

 

im agine how crazy he will look if he tried that suing you for an STD you dont have *sorry but i pissed myself laughing at that 1!!*

 

NC all the way tho...they soon give up when they cant hoover you into a response be it good or negative, or try drag you into their 'triangle'

 

stay strong...