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Don't Know Where to Go


WomanWriter

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Right now I feel very stuck. I've been looking for jobs with no luck for over a year. I have found part-time writing work but now that is tapering off and I am virtually unemployed.

 

I keep looking for things I want to do and see absolutely nothing around here. I've applied for jobs with common places and am over-qualified. I kind of want to get my degree in Marriage/Family Therapy but I cannot find any open positions in anything close, so it would be a waste of time, perhaps.

 

I'm feeling down. I spent time with my alcoholic dad for a few days and he told me he does not want me marrying my boyfriend. I am a grown woman but it still bothers me that he does not approve. He told me that my boyfriend is not good enough for me because he is not educated. That is not a deal-breaker for me anymore but it concerns me a little.

 

I'm also feeling pressured because my boyfriend is telling me and others that he's going to marry me. I wish that were possible down the road, but right now I cannot make that kind of promise. There are a lot of things that I cannot accept about him if he were to be my husband. I told him those things and he's making an effort to change them, but I don't know if he can do it, to be honest. I am giving him a chance to prove himself, like he wants to, but there is so much to do. He has Diabetes and is taking better care of himself, but still not completely healthy. I feel like he makes excuses for his minimum-wage, part-time job and has no concrete plan to find something better. Yet I feel I can't complain because I am basically unemployed too.

 

Another thing is that he has no concern about his car. It is broken down and can be fixed...he has some money to fix it, but he says that he doesn't really know what's wrong with it and might just junk it. I just feel like he doesn't WANT to deal with it.

 

My mom has been sick and needs me to go to doctor's appointments with her during the week. My grandma is a basket case. My dad guilts me because I don't visit him enough. My friend is being sarcastic to me.

 

I just want to get away from here, but don't know where to go. I can't find any job and I'm getting depressed and want to give up. I go to church and that's the only thing that keeps me afloat. I do enjoy spending time with my boyfriend, but as for the future, they say you can't expect someone to change. I can accept him NOW, but as a husband, I don't think so UNLESS he changes drastically.

 

From this point on, I don't know where to go in my life.

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WW, I know how you feel. I've been out of a job since January and haven't been able to find anything. The job market is tough out here. I am bored most days and stay in way too much. I do go out and go to the beach to walk (so I don't lose my sanity).

 

I spend WAY too much time online.

 

Have you tried to do volunteer work at your church. That could help. Are you interested in working out? Maybe doing that at a gym could help.

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IMO you need to start following something you are passionate about. Find out what that is, go back to your childhood, uncover it, do some soul searching. Whatever you have to do. Seriously, it will be worth it. What do you like to write about? Where do you want to be in 5 years? Make a list and keep it with you. You want to go to school to be a family counselor? That's awesome! If you have a dream, try to make it a reality. In my experience, when I am dissatisfied in life, everything gets gray and boring. Sometimes you need a drastic change to wake yourself up. I can think of nothing better than to have a goal and work toward achieving it, especially if it is something you feel is worthwhile doing, and the right thing to do.

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