If it is you ex's bday, DONT bother... i learned the hard way

[mattguy]

today is my ex's bday . When we were together for mine, I was in the hospital and he spent 2 days/nights with me.

 

I figured I should at least say happy bday in person and get him something small.

 

when i got to his building he made me wait 10mins in the lobby so he could get dressed (dispite the 20 min heads up I have him when I was on my way over)

 

He came down...with his FRIEND (awkward) ... so I gave him the gift (a lotion) and he said "it looks like its been used" .... not the case....

 

I was on my way to the gym and his friend said "oh wow are you working out more, you look good!" and my ex does a full circle around me and says " but your ass looks the same..."

 

at that point I said I should probably be on my way. He invited me to the party earlier in the day via txt message. his friend said " oh you should come tonight!"

 

I explained I was having drinks elsewhere but my friend and I might drop by if we are drunk , to which my ex responded "dont drop over if ur drunk " (this coming from the man who doesnt mix drinks, only does shots till his bottle is done)

 

Part of me wants to go and just say a final F*** You, after today

[Hobbes]

Ugh.. that's not nice. Sorry you had to go through this, but you had to I guess as you initiated. Time to take him off that pedestal and carry on, you'll be fine dude. He sounds a little classless if I may..

[dre760]

were you the dumpee or dumper?

[jul-els]

Sounds like you were just trying to be nice and it wasn't worth it. Oh well. Lesson learned.

[Hobbes]

By the way, save the final f u - show you have the upper hand and class, move on. You can do much better.

[arwen]

He's really showing his true colors now. Time to cut all ties for good, I think.

[mattguy]

i was the dumpee, HE initiated contact the past few months since the breakup . . . HES the one who txtd me this morning saying "hi feel free to come by my party tonight if you like" . i missed him and was trying to be civil .

[fLuiD]

Thats terrible man! I don't want to be judgemental, and pardon my stereotypical remark, but isn't it somewhat common for gay men to act this way? Very 'drama-queenish' This has all the looks of a female dog (insert B word) attitude and just a game people play. I'm sure its a mix of envy and insecurity. I am not even sure why you would even bother going over there. Yes it was a nice gesture of him to spend the night with you at the hospital, but he is your ex, and as crude as this sounds, you really owe him nothing. Even a phone call/text for his bday may have been too much. At least you learned (or hope you did) a lesson in contacting an ex for their bday. Do your best to not let it get to you, and Im really sorry that this person is your ex. Sounds like you may have been better off without him.

[Annie123]

Hi

 

I feel for you, thats really awful how he treated you and it hurts when its someone you care for.

 

The least he could have done was be civil to you especially after initiaitng contact, maybe he wants to make you jelous with his new friend or put you down the way he has at his party. don't go he's not worth it

 

when i split with my ex i had already orderd his birthday presents, then that first week we were a apart and i was in hell.....all his presents arrived...talk about adding fuel to the flames...

 

i kept them for a bout a week and a half because i wasn't sure whther i should give them or not....my friends made me see sense i gave them back, got a refund, bought 2 pairs of shoes, 4 tops and 2 pyjama sets for myself......money well spent there i say...

 

i know why you wanted to give the presents, we want them to think we still care and remembered that important day and somehow miracuously they come to their senses and want us back.....been there...still go there occassionally.

 

you'll be ok, don't go and be aggressive or pick a fight because he'll know he's got to you. you've got to behave aloof and not bothered...thats going to annoy him more than anything....

 

takecare flower

 

annie

[Live-N-Learn]

Don't do it! You are getting killed inside because you still care about him. He obviously could care less about your feelings and is showing you no respect, and is walking all over your heart. I am sorry to say that but it's seems to be the truth. Many times when we keep coming back and don't go NC they look at us as weak and feel they can do anything they want and we will still be around.

 

I was dumped 2 months ago by my X. I did everything I could to get her back the first 5 weeks with no response or results. I was dying inside and then found this site. I ate up all the advice and comments I changed my plan of attack and knew what I needed to do.

 

I told her I need to meet with her for 15 minutes and that I had something really important to say. We met, I told her I really cared about her but was letting her go. And that is was clear she didn't want to be with me. I said I was done putting my feelings out there only for her not to respond. If she wakes up one day and wants to come back we can talk. Hopefully it wont be too late. But that I knew what I wanted and was going to find a girl that wanted to be with me because I deserved it.

 

I could see the change in her demeanor when I finished. A softness came over her and she was different. I hugged her goodbye and she text me about an hour later saying how nice it was to see me. She kept texting and calling but never set a time to get together so I decided to go to the next step total NC.

 

A week had passed since our talk but the text and phone calls kept coming. It was killing me so I called her and told her.

 

I have so many good memories and feelings about our time together and want to keep it that way. I care too much about you to continue down the path we are on right now.

 

I have come to the realization that we are in two different places right now. You want to be friends and I want more. That is ok but I have to be honest with you, I am not capable of being just friends right now. I care too much and want more. And if we continue down this path it is not going to be good for either of us.

 

I need take some time away from you and will come back in your life when and if I can be ok with just being friends. Right now I just can’t continue a close friendship. It is not healthy for either of us.

 

If you come to the realization that you want something more than just a friendship I am open to talking about it. I just ask that you not contact me unless this is the case.

 

This is nothing you have done wrong were just in different places as to what we want right now and it wont work.

 

During out talk I did tell her that I had already bought her Bday present and still wanted her to have it before going NC. I told her I could come by on her 30 min lunch and we could catch a bite and I would give it to her and that would be it. She said she would rather do it over drinks after work and not have to rush it.

 

I was a litte suprised and said ok you pick the place. I told her we may as well go out on a high note cuz this was going to be it. And that I planned to just remember all the good times. She agreed and we decided the best place was Majestic. I was really excited to hear that is where she chose, we have lots of good memories there.

 

Later that evening she excepted the tagged photos I had put on FB and MySpace of us kissing and hanging out so long ago. She also went to MySpace and moved me from not even being on her top 35 friends to number 8! Wow, I guess I should have cut her off sooner! LOL

 

So tomorrow we go out to celebrate her bday and my going away party. Should be interesting. I don't expect to get back together and plan on starting my NC on Friday. I will have to say it feels much better going out this way than how I felt the first 5 weeks after the breakup. Obviously she now respects me and cares about my friendship.

 

I am sorry for the long post but I hope it helps someone.

[mattguy]

yah he really did act like a B*** towards me, i got 2 texts after that telling me i HAD to come to his party, i feel like if i go it will just be embaressing and his friends will look at me like im still following him around like a puppy

[mattguy]

I think i broke NC for him bc his bday was coming and i didnt wanna be insensitive to him since he was so nice to me during mine, but i think in the coming days i need to do that asap. NC is the way to go. in a month he will know if hes staying in our city or moving 5 hours away, i want to know what going to happen with that (so i know if theres a chance of us running into eachohter anymore but other than that i guess it should be done with

[jul-els]

I think i broke NC for him bc his bday was coming and i didnt wanna be insensitive to him since he was so nice to me during mine, but i think in the coming days i need to do that asap. NC is the way to go. in a month he will know if hes staying in our city or moving 5 hours away, i want to know what going to happen with that (so i know if theres a chance of us running into eachohter anymore but other than that i guess it should be done with

 

I would just write him off. If you see him again, you will handle yourself with diginity. If not, that's fine too.

[hater13]

my ex broke up with me a week before his birthday and I gave him the gift of complete silence the day before it.

 

happy f---ing birthday