Friend is Acting Weird

[WomanWriter]

Since I've been seeing my boyfriend more, my best (female) friend of the last 15 years has been acting differently. She usually never uses Facebook, but this week she has been posting all this stuff on my wall...mostly stupid comments about how old I am getting, asking if I REALLY miss my boyfriend (when I commented that I miss him), and being really brief with me in messages and not answering my questions.

 

I usually don't have many problems with her and we are like sisters. Since she moved about 45 minutes away when she got married 2 years ago, we usually only see each other once a month and talk once a week, but that has seemed OK with her.

 

I got annoyed by her comment about missing my boyfriend so I responded by saying "You must REALLY miss me since you're posting all over my wall!" I don't think she will like that but I am getting embarrassed by her stupid comments.

[Batya33]

Maybe she was under the impression that once you posted that you miss your boyfriend, it was ok to post something back that was also personal. I would change privacy settings so that others can't see what is posted on your wall and ask her nicely in a "private" e-mail not to post personal comments on your wall.

[uhohlala]

You know, some people are really weird about how they post on Facebook, using it as a passive-aggressive tool to broadcast ideas they're too timid to convey directly.

 

Clearly something is bothering your friend. It could be something about her relationship with you (that seems most likely) or it could be something going on in her life that she wants to vent to you about but has picked a really weird way to initiate the conversation (e.g. perhaps she's annoyed with her husband about something, and so is trying to engage you in a convo about how annoying men are). Whatever her issue, it's actually a separate issue from the problem of what has been posted on your wall. In your shoes I might respond like this: remove her problematic comments, and then send her a note, explaining that you hadn't known quite what to make of her posts so you removed them. Ask how things are going for her and suggest that the two of you catch up soon -- try to make an actual plan so that she knows you really mean it. Tell her you'd hate to see your interaction with her reduced to posting on each other's Facebook wall.

 

She'll insist that she was just joking in her posts -- let that stand unchallenged, just accept without response. Make plans to get together soon or at least talk on the phone. If she's got a bone to pick with you, it'll emerge when you meet or talk. And regardless of what she says about innocent intentions, you've put her on notice that vaguely hostile or mocking Facebook posts will be removed -- if she continues to post negative comments, just delete them.