Deejmonster Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 So.. I'm posting again... seems like my stories are redundant.. but oh well, I shall try again.. She is 26 and I am 21. We had a serious relationship of 2.5 years. Broke up once and she took me back... and Well when you don't learn from your mistakes, History tends to repeat itself. We had broken up due to the constant arguing that eventually made her throw in the towel.. also some immature and selfish behavior on my part. Typical break up... I chased.. she ran... I stopped chasing... Herself, Her mom and My bestfriend who talked to her all gave me the same lines of advice about what my ex wants from me... Time and Space. She doesn't know what she wants right now and constant pressure is only going to drive her away. All 3 told me in their own ways that I needed to leave her be for a "while" and that there could "possibly" be a chance at reconciliation down the road... NO TIME FRAME... ugh... My best friend who talked to her post break up said "atleast" a month of NC Her mom told me atleast 2-3 months of NC.... and that if I did my therapy right and left her be that she didnt see why things couldnt work out... Lets remember that this is my ex's mom and not my ex saying this. When my ex broke up with me the first time... I chased and she ran... and then I quit... I went NC for something of a month or so and then I gave up... and then she came back... I didn't force her.. she came back on her own... and our 2nd Rship was great... Facts: She still loves me, She misses me at times, and there is no other guys... ________________________________________________________________ This was 5 weeks ago. Still in NC... No signs of change on her end... I am moving on at an ok pace... but I still miss the bits out of her and I am eager to try again with her... I am working on my problems and going to therapy which has really helped me with my problems in and out of the relationship... BUT i am a very impatient person... its bound to be my downfall.... So.. from experience and from knowledge... What is a good time frame to give an ex space? I mean... I understand that she will come back if she wants to... but it sometimes helps to have a frame of mind to know when to give up and when to hang on... Cause right now I have just peaked 5 weeks and tonight there is very little stopping me from picking up the phone and calling her... which I feel will end badly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 I don't think it's a good idea to set a time frame because there's no knowing if and when she will want to reconcile. The important thing is to respect her wishes and give her space because if you call her and try to ask her about it, it will only turn her off and make you look unattractive. Just stay away and keep focusing on yourself. You should be continuing working on your problems so that whether she comes back or you get into a new relationship, these same old problems won't be there. I don't think you should wait for her because it will only delay you from healing and moving on. Do try to move on and continue improving yourself and if she comes back to you, then take it from there. If she doesn't come back, well at least you have worked on yourself and will have already taken the steps to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Time and space aren't things you can give with a goal of taking away. That's missing the point. Instead of viewing time and space as something you're giving, try thinking of them as hers to begin with, and she gets to decide what she'll do with them. I'd move forward, and trust that she knows how to reach you if she ever wants to. You've seen this irony before--the farther you move away, the easier it is for her to catch up. Go there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFriendInNeed Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Moving to LC to let her know that you miss her might be alright if you can somehow do it without pressuring her at all towards a relationship. Knowing that there is someone who loves and cares for her can sometimes mean a great deal even if she's nowhere near ready for a serious relationship again. I'm not suggesting to call her casually to chat all the time. I'm just saying that letting her know that you are still thinking about her isn't all bad. I *WISH* I had contact my ex sooner (I still haven't, lol), and I know that even if it was just to say hello and I wish you well, it would be good. Give her the time and space she needs (maybe another solid 3 weeks, to equal a total of 2+ months). Then try to move VERY slowly to LC from NC. Good luck man. I wish you well. Maybe peace find your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhatSetsUs Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Deejmonster, its pretty crazy how similar are situations are, even in terms of where we are in NC lol. Though I have no idea how my ex is feeling or what she's thinking (silence has kept me from even speculating) my impatience is starting to get the best of me. It sucks cause right now I am home from university for a week so I have all this time to think about her and contemplate on the breakup. It seems like most people believe that NC is something that should never be broken my the dumpee. But what if all it takes is a small push to get things going again? That's where Im struggling cause I can see the pros and cons to both sides. I dont know about you, but Im the type who believes if you really want something bad enough, youre willing to work for it and take a risk. Like they say, high risk equals high reward. So its take the more supported road and continue NC with no plans of ever breaking it or take the much less stable road and contact the ex within the next few weeks. I think im going to stick with NC for a little while longer, I figure right now it cant hurt the already slim chance I have of getting my ex back. But I do eventually plan on breaking it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TearsofFate Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 What did you do to get her back last time. Maybe do the same thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmr19114425 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 I would honestly just keep NC and work on improving yourself ...There is nothing more to do...You have to get to a place to where you accept that she is not going to come back... I feel you cuz I'm right there with you...check my story. I'm in NC mode and finally got to a place where I know I will be fine if she does not come back. Does that mean i don't want her to come back? Hell no. Does that mean I want to call her? F$$K yes! Does that mean it hurts? F*#K yes!...But you gotta do you and give her what she wants - Time and Space... Usualyl for NC if nothing has happened - I would say max 3 months and then you can see what is going on if the ex has not reached out to you...But that is your call... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhatSetsUs Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Right now my main concern is if I don't do anything nothing is going to change and he will move on. Anyone else think that is true? Theres also the truth of.. you don't ask you don't get. See this is how I feel haha. What if I just sit back and do nothing? Then all of a sudden the whole "out of sight, out of mind" theory comes into play. So time goes on, I still havent said anything and I slowly fade away from her mind. It will get easy for her to walk away, cause I havent been relevant in her life in months. At that point any hopes of reconciliation will have already died away. But, if I make a small subtle move, maybe a text or an email, I reappear in her conscience. She starts to think about me again, and possibly about us. Because of this, she begins to initiate contact a little more and each time she gets more comfortable talking to me again. Instead of slowly forgetting about me, she becomes more interested in having some type of contact with me. And hopefully, after some time has passed in LC, reconciliation with her maybe become a legitimate idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmr19114425 Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 People want what they can't have. If NC does not work to bring someone back, then that just means that there was not enough there for them to want to hang onto. It does not mean out of sight, out of mind - If you were in a relationship for a decent amount of time with someone - 1 year + and it was serious, it is not like they get over you in a few days or even a few months. If they don't miss you enough to contact, then I don't believe there was enough there...To reconcile, you have to be at a point where its okay to walk away.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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