Frustrated!!

[niceandslow]

I really need to get this off my chest. Lately, I have been really sad and stressed among other things. I have a lot going on in my life and some days it is overwhelming. I am trying to find a job while living back at home with my parents. It is not my ideal situation. There is just so much that happens here, it is a lot for anyone to handle. There are other things going on in my life, but I will spare all the details.

 

Anyway, since I moved back home, I have been in a LDR with my boyfriend. It is something else I am trying to handle and somedays I get pretty sad about it. Well, I don't know but the last few days I have been more depressed than usual. My boyfriend had been ignoring me which upset me even more. Everytime I tried to talk to him, he couldn't or wouldn't. One night he did call me, a minute later he clicked over to someone else on the line and never clicked back over to me. He never even called me back that night. Well today, I had enough of him acting like this. I started crying because once again he was like I can't talk now. I told him I just wanted to talk to him about everything that was going on because I was overwhelmed. And I felt that part of being in a relationship is being supportive and listening to your SO. He said that when he got home from work, he would call me.

 

Well, he never calls so I called him later in the night. He said he would call me back because he was watching his tv and he didn't want to talk right then. Well, I did talk to him finally. But the entire time, it was about him. He told me about something that happened with his daughter's mother, and I sat there and listened and gave him advice. We talked for about 20 mins. Then he cuts off the conversation and says I have to go watch this show. I will call you later. After sitting there talking about himself, he never asked what was bothering me. He never even acknowledged what we had talked about earlier. It makes me feel like he is so self-centered. It is like he only wants to talk when he needs help or wants something. When it comes to me, he doesn't care or can't find the time. How is that fair? I try to tell him how I feel about it, and he tells me I am crazy and that people in a relationship shouldn't talk every day basically.

 

I am sure people might think he is cheating. It is always a possibility, but I don't think he is. Being far away, it would give him all the opportunity to.

 

Either way, am I being unreasonable? Am I asking for too much?

[furiouspsych]

I hate to say it, but I've done this to girls. I don't know how your boyfriend is, but I bottle things up and tend to avoid serious talks, which I know frustrated the hell out of the girls I've dated. Maybe he's just too comfortable? He may be self-centered, IDK, but don't worry about him cheating so much unless it's what your gut is telling you. As much as I hated girls pressing me to open up when I didn't want to, it's what you need to do...u deserve clarification.

[hannah_k]

To be honest, in my first years of college, I did that to my LDR boyfriend before I broke up with him.

 

Granted, he was a pretty big loser who was really good at lying...

 

Anyway. Towards the end of our relationship. I would feel smothered even though I only saw him on weekends. Long distance relationships are so incredibly hard to maintain. At first, you miss each other. But as more time goes by without seeing each other regularly, you start to feel negative things in their absence. And you start to formulate questions in your head, and you go without being reminded of why you're together in the first place.

 

But that doesn't excuse the way he's acting. It's not fair to you.

 

So, maybe take your own little break. Do some introspection since he's not currently willing to participate in helping you sort out your feelings. He'll eventually call or he'll be forced to talk to you next time you see each other. Either way, be prepared to tell him how you feel directly. And if it doesn't work out, at least you know you tried.

[niceandslow]

I guess I wanted him to be more of a support than to sit and talk about our relationship. Yeah there things I wanted to say about us, but more than anything I just needed a friend. And as my boyfriend, I thought he could take the time to listen to me. He can sit on the phone for his friend for an hour and all they do is sing Van Halen songs to one another,but he can't even take 5 minutes to talk to me about the things that are bothering me.

[sidehop]

That's the hardest part for any couple to be able to sit down and listen to one another when there's a problem, whether it's one sided or involves both. It's probably that your b/f doesn't fully understand your situation and stress you're going through while he has it good at where he's home and can go out with his friends etc. It almost sounds like he's just comfortable and not taking your situation either seriously or as a priority.

 

But also is he generally open and good about communicating with you? Is it possible he doesn't like to talk on the phone very much?

[hexaemeron]

I have to ask, if you've been constantly depressed and you're coming off as constantly depressed... is this the case? If it is, it's clear why he'd be so blase about it. Who wants to talk to someone who's constantly depressed?

[medtec]

i went through something similar about 4 months together with my bf of over a year. i broke it off with him and then we had little contact for 2-3 months. i figured out what i wanted in my life and i'm headed in an awesome direction. by the way i was depressed and he wasn't interested anymore. now he wants to get back together-but i'm so happy being single and want my to fill my life with positiveness.

 

anyway i just wanted to say-you say you are depressed and moved in with your parents. maybe you can do more positive for yourself and put 100% energy into your life. confront him about what is going on too. the longer you let this go on the longer you will feel worse about yourself.