Jump to content

i feel another person in this state .....and im getting sick of it


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone. Im telling you how ive been feeling the last two years specially about my relationship with my mom. I would like all moms here and other to give me any advice or opinion on what has been happening with me and the how i have seen my mom lately.

 

When i was a kid my mom used to criticise me a lot because i wasnt able and good to solve math problemas...and i wasnt good at shcool..when i was even a baby she would leave mo to our neighboors because she was so busy with her job..and she had to take care of three children..i was rised by our neighboors and spent lots of time at their home. Even if i know my mom has been careful on rising me and my brother and sister , they were older then me.

 

When i was in my 10-s...and till high shcool i just wanted to stay out and play with my friends...

 

When i went to high school my mom started to give me advice on how to be careful to no aproach to boys ..to not fall in love with them because they have the same face and i was too young to have a boyfrined....considering even the fact that our menality in our culture has been very conservative and fanatic..even if not that im 27 years old things have changed a lot.So i was focused all the time on her advice and i couldt make even make up, just a bit masacra or something light on my face cause my mother ddint want too..she was even afraid of others opinions about me and our family..u know like i couldnt be like some 'other girls ' who did make up , met boys and stuff...those things were forbiden for me.

 

I started to put a bit masacra on my eyelash only when i was 19 or 20 years old.Then i started the faculty ....and when i was 21 i met my first boyfriend....i would tell my mom about him and we would talk about him and me...so I considered her as ‘a friend’ so I could tell her everything ….she tried to be my friend and she has helped me even when I broke up with him and wanted to get back together (even if I didn’t cause it was over in fact).I remember we have been like close friends….i would tell her about every meeting with a new boy…even there were only dates , short dates and not close relationships…

 

When I was 23 -24 years old I started a new job ..i become very busy with it , I hadn’t tim to eat and not to talk with my family members..i was too stressful and I just wanted to eat and sleep when I arrived home late at night everyday.

 

I don’t know how it started and but its been now two years I feel so distant and cold to my mom. It gets my nerves on when she critise me or say be careful here be careful there as I was a little child..for ex when we are on my car and I drive she would stay will fear like im gonna crash or something …I mean I drive very well,she is like that always ..see that car there , see this car here..be careful and stuff..as I don’t see where I walk.She says lots of this advice and I get really angry with her at times…I just don’t like it and cant stand it….am I overreacting ? I don’t feel close emotionally to her…specially…but I haven’t been feeling so even with my dad and brother…he is older than me hes 32 and we live in the same house….My father is in the hospital now because of his heart and we are getting closer…I love him even if ive argued a lot with him when I was younger….

 

But I don’t know why I feel like this , so cold and distant…I sometimes feel like my mother gets jealous for me when I cuddle my father or joke with him …I mean I don’t really know why I see her as a rival sometimes…or I feel she sees me like that…I know she is a very nice and caring women and mom…I just feel empty and feels like im without love for her…or anyone this perioud…but especially for her…..

 

 

Have u ever been through this ever?

I don’t know why I have these kind of feelings right now….i m not even happy with myself…im working on this and trying to find solutions to my barriers that aren’t allowing me to be happy with myself and life….

 

I just hate this state and i kinda of hate myself sometimes when i feel these wired or cold feelings about her.....i just feel like im not me feeling this way..

feeling like a bad dream and i want to wake up and live my life loving my parents and siblings again...as i used to do before....i feel so lonly sometimes because i feel so empty inside .... how can i overcome this ?

 

 

 

Any idea or opinion?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As the mother of a 19 year old girl, I can tell you that it is just as hard for the mother to see her daughter grow up, as it is for the daughter to grow up! This past year, as my daughter went off to college, has been the most devastating time of my life! My time as a mother is over, it feels like.

 

I know that's not true, she'll always come to me for advice, just as I did with my own mother, but that 'closeness' that comes with me being totally responsible for her is gone - she's a young adult. My influence is waning. And it's terrifying. I want to comfort her and guide her and know all about everything she's doing. But when she's too busy to call me, I suffer.

 

So, mothers have just as much of a separation anxiety to go through as you kids do; maybe more.

 

I would suggest that you try to understand how she feels - her life is coming to a close in the next 30 or 40 years, she has to watch you go off and make your own decisions...it's a hard time for her. I'd bet that more than ever, she just wants to be able to talk to you some more.

 

When she was younger and working so much, she thought that work was what she had to focus on. Now she realizes she should have spent more time with you. And regrets it.

 

Some people deal with such things by reaching out; others withdraw, get angry even, or critical of those they love (it's safer to be mean to those who love you, cos you know they love you - it's just human nature).

 

You're the one here seeking answers, so try this: Reach out to her, and get her to talk. Ask her about her own life. Dreams, desires, disappointments...get to know her better, and I think you'll find the closeness you're missing. You are both likely more alike than you realize.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...