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Bi-curious boyfriend

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I have been with my partner for 3 years. Im 21, he's 25. We are very much in love, Im at college part of the week, but we spend the rest of the week together. We've recently been talking about marriage once i've finished all my studying. In the past, i have had a few experiences with other women, but have always been more interested in guys. it was love at first sight when i met him and i have never looked back.

Recently, i'd noticed his dirty talk involving us and another man, and him with another man. He said this was something that excited him but only in thought, not reality. We have a fairly experiemental sex life so we tried new things and all seemed to be happy.

The other month whilst he was in the shower he got a text on his phone from a guy asking him for sex. I was hurt that he would text somebody else..and the fact it was a man confused me more. I asked him about it, and he got quite down and upset. He then confided that he wasnt sure if 'he was turning gay' and was scared. I explained that homosexuality isnt a disease, and that it was nothing to be ashamed off if he did feel that way. He assured me that he still loves me and finds me attractive, and said that he notices women about and not men. He was finding it hard to understand these new feelings.

Since then things have been great. He said hes alot happier that I know, and he wasnt sure how to tell me. I'm not bothered that he text another man as i understand that was him trying to find out what he feels. We watch alot of porn, and ive found us some great DVDs with men on men for him to watch. Our sex life has improved no-end.

Now, as I am attracted to women as well, i would hate to think what I would be like today if i hadnt experiemented when I was younger. I've told him that If he wants to bring another guy to bed than I would be happy with that. I think he needs to experiement before he is sure on who he is. He isnt so sure, he likes the thought of it but doesnt know what he would feel if it actually happened. Neither of us want to ruin our relationship, but I also love him too much to stop him finding out who he truly is. I want him to embrace it, because i dont think its healthy for someone to bottle it up.


So yeah, we keep going round in circles now. Some days he's keen, other days he's not. We're taking a step back just so we can enjoy ourselves, but does anyone have any advice on whether to take this further? How have these situations been resolved in other peoples lives? Will it ruin us, or will it make us stronger? Is it best left to the imagination?


Any help would be most appreciated

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In my situation, which is exactly like yours, it made our sex life and trust in each other stronger. We have other issues that made up separate, but none of them related to sex. We had an amazing sex life. My ex thought that he would be ok with another man, but he was very unsure. We did have a threesome with another man, but the other man was straight, so they stayed away from each other when we were together. (one at my mouth, the other my vagina).


We do alot of role play. We use a dildo to simulate oral when he is on top of me and we're having sex. We will both give our "mystery man" a blow job. Also, strap on usage is great to roleplay. Have you taken him anally, yet? I have used a vibe, a dildo, fingers, etc and my ex loved it. Also, cum play! make him submissive to you and have him clean up his own cum. Things like this, are about as far as my ex have gone.


The fact that your bf actually called another guy for sex, is a little scary, though. It means that he is serious. So, if you are really ok with bringing another man into your bedroom, try it. But you and your bf need to set up the boundaries and ground rules first, then explain them to your third. Make sure that everyone is on the same page so no jealousy or angry feelings arise.


For my ex, it was a big relief to be able to talk to me about how he feels. I do not think that he is bi, and he's definitely not gay, but he is very open minded and I think he that he is simply curious.

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Yeah, I have experiemented anally with him, and we too have a 'mystery man' some nights!


After I found the first text, he showed me them all. It started of with flirting but the other guy starts asking to meet, and my boyfriend didnt reply. The other guy got quite persistent until my boyfriend replied saying he wasnt interested anymore. He said he was just trying to find out whether he did like men, or whether he just liked anal sex. I dont believe he would have met him.


I wouldnt even know where to look for someone to join us. My boyfriend did mention that having a couple may be better because I could then have sex with the woman. Been such a long time for me that it seems as daunting as it is does a turn on! There seems to be good sides and bad to every scenario. I've only known two couples who used to swing..and both of those relationships ended very badly. I dont want to risk what we have...but I also dont want to hold him back. I love him, completely.


Tough one to call...Days where I think it would be great, are days where he's not sure and vise versa

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Well this is a refreshing change from all the other "my boyfriend is bi/gay" threads.


I've only known two couples who used to swing..and both of those relationships ended very badly.


Do you believe that their swinging actually caused the break-ups?

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I dont know one couple well enough to comment on why they broke up, but the other couple i knew well, until she ran off with the bloke from the couple they used to swing with.


Dont know anyone else who i could ask, who can pass on experience? Slightly scary world to approach.


Also, why refreshing? Curious

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Refreshing in that the woman is as receptive to the possibility of not being straight as the man, if not more so.


I can't speak from experience but I am bi-curious and could probably expect to face the same situation from the other side if I don't get it out of my system whilst I'm still single.


I could speak from rationality though. Did the couple not have any other issues in their relationship together? I think it can be easy to say "Mr and Mrs Freaky tried X and now they are split up" and then make the conclusion that X caused the split when the simple fact is many people split up anyway. The possibility exists that it simply brought to the surface issues that already existed between them, and having this other partner just provided the women with an exit strategy.


Do you know if your boyfriend can have sex with someone without developing feelings for them? Has he ever had a FWB arrangement or casual sex for example.

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  • 1 year later...



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