Is it depression or just break-up blues?

[iain7119]

All thoughts and ideas are welcome

 

A little background first: Met a girl about two years ago and decided to move away from my home country to be with her after my graduation. Well, things were fine for a while, we had the whole "baby names, wedding day, house" conversation etc etc. But then after a while , especially after I got a new job, things just fizzled out, the spark went and we began to argue a lot more. So, at the beginning of this year I decided it would be better if I moved out, she agreed and said maybe things could work if we gave ourselves some space. I tried to make the time between deciding to move out and actually moving out as short as possible, in the end it was just over a week. Those last few nights together......you can imagine. Well, anyway she helped me move my things and I thought everything would be fine, I would cope. But then came...........the first night alone.............I bet there isn't a person reading this who doesn't know what I mean. I just wandered the streets of this huge city (Shanghai) aimlessly, in a daze, empty....so many feelings and not one of them was positive. I really thought I would die if I stayed there. I would just walk past restaurants where we'd eaten together, walk down streets we'd walked down together just ruminating and longing for the past. I decided that I'd had enough and I HAD to come home, so I quit my job and got the first plane back. Perhaps it seems a bit hasty now, but I really couldn't cope out there on my own. I told her I was going home and that I couldn't communicate with her until I was ready.

 

 

So, when I arrived home I thought if I just gave it time I would feel better. But now I feel that getting over her is only half the problem. Yes, of course I want my old life back and regret leaving her. But being here only makes everything worse. I wake up early every morning with what seems like a huge knot in my stomach, half from thinking about the past, half from fear of the future.I'm terrified of being alone, really terrified. I can see nothing but darkness, pain and fear ahead. I'll often just cry for no reason, or because I feel completely overwhelmed. I just spend my days counting down the hours till I can sleep again. I feel completely drained , so empty, like my life has ended before it's even begun.I want my old life back more than anything, I want to go back in time and magically fix everything and then everything will be fine, we'll be happy and secure. I've got no motivation to do anything, even my favourite hobbies seem like a struggle. I feel like this cannot be simple post break-up depression, what do others think?

 

(Oh, I have already booked counselling which I will be attending in a few weeks)

[Psinic]

Hey Iain,

 

What you have just described sums up how I am feeling exactly. My break up was 3 weeks ago and it feels like the pain is just getting worse not better. I am also in the UK and went to see my doctor about they way i am feeling. I have been diagnosed with depression and am now taking anti depressants and am also awaiting counselling.

 

However I think alot of this is break-up depression, we have been violently dragged away from someone we love and want to be with. it's not our choice and we feel helpless to do anything about it.

 

My advice would be to use this site as a sounding board and somewhere to vent. If you feel you aren't coping then go see the doctor and just talk to him. The main key i think is to talk - let it out, talk to anyone you can, but spend time with family and friends.

 

Psi.

[DazB]

Hey Iain,

 

My Ex and I split up just after new years eve and it has almost been 3 months. The first few weeks were absolutely horrendous but it has gotten better.

 

Prior to us getting together (2 and a half years ago) I was on anti-depressant and seeing a councillor. I was extremely fed up with life, sick of people (friends and family) and greifing the lose of two failed internet relationships (if that's what you can call them). C was my first real relationship and meeting her was such a whirlwind and such an amazing feeling. I fell in love quickly and deeply, not just with her but also the relationship. I put all my eggs in the one basket because for the first time in years (and possibly my life) I actually felt connected to someone and felt like I had someone who loved me for me and was in it thick or thin.

 

The relationship developed and my problems came crawling back out of the wood work. We bought a house together by her family and I was quickly accepted into the family. We would often go around her parents for sunday lunch. Basically her and her family became my life and it was so refreshing.

 

During my entire relationship all my family ever gave me was aggro. Not aggro at me but aggro between each other and I became the sponge for their venting. I soaked it up like I always had. I loved my ex and her life, I hated myself and my life.

 

When we broke up I thought I could handle it. I went back home to Mid Wales to have some time away from the big city and give myself some space. I soon arranged new accommodation and planned to return back to the city and work. I thought I was ready.

 

The first night back (living with a friend I had not seen in a year and a stranger) was one of the worst nights of my life. The room was small, dingy and with a crookety single bed - a bleak contrast to my home with the lovely wood flooring I had helped lay, they stylish 3 piece sweet, wide screen TV, my lovely girlfriend, pets and a stunning bathroom recently finished. I went out for a walk to get some space and everything hit me at once. How could I go on? How could I let a life I have stuggled to reach for many years slip away? What would I do next? Where is the future in this? and if I do plan to rebuild a future do I have the energy. I felt exhausted. I felt beaten. I felt like my life had ended, except my heart was still beating. The only thought that held me through all this was 'What is the alternative?'.

 

I battled on. I haven't gone onto meds (though some days I still consider it) but I have started councilling (which isn't of much help tbh). I have started exercising 3-4 times a week, I eat healthy,take food supplements (cod liver oil 1 a days) drink white tea and have filled my life up with many activities with Family and Friends. I get by.

 

I am still very up and down.

 

I think what you are going through might be a bit of both. Break up blues may have kicked you into a depression. It is very difficult and I feel for you mate. I hope things improve but I can empathise with the feelings you described. It is baby steps from here. Good luck