my wife and a friend

[malmac]

I discovered that my wife of 18 years has having an affair with the male half of a couple we are good friends with. This occurred about 9 months ago.

I think I have a fair idea of when it started. I started to have suspisions when my wife just started acting strangely. It was hard to put finger on at first but she just started acting differently. After that, I just watching and observing.

 

I noticed that she was carrying her mobile phone with her everywhere, even when she was having a bath. She has a prepaid mobile account so a bill doesn’t come home each month so I logged onto the site and was able to get into her call records because the default password was her DOB and she hadn’t thought to change it.

I discovered a 120 text messages over a 6 week period to this “friends “mobile

I confronted her and she said that she was just texting fun things and helping him organise a birthday present for his wife. I asked her not to do I it anymore and she agreed. I kept watching her mobile account and it did appear to stop.

The other thing that was strange on her phone records was the infrequent texting or calling of a number I didn’t recognise. I asked her who this was and she avoided answering question whenever I raised it.

Eventually I worked out that my “friend” had gotten mobile number which he used to communicate with her as he didn’t want to have her number showing up on his bill.

She would try to text him or call him on that number but he always kept it switched off (I know this because I rang the mystery number 40-50 times but it was always switched off). If she couldn’t get him, she would then ring his main number. (I worked this out because she always called his main number almost immediately after the second secret number)

I still had my suspicion so I started watching her internet usage .She would normally get about 2-3 spam my type emails a day. All of a sudden she is logging on to her emails every 30 minutes or so every day.

Finally I installed a key logger on the computer and I was able to get some idea of some of her emails to him. A couple up on Monday so I ended up taking the whole week off work and confronted her again.

I couldn’t get her to crack; all I ended up getting her a commitment to draw a line in the sand and not tell me anymore lies.

Six or more months on, I am still not sure if she is she seeing him. If she is it could only possibly during the daytime during a weekday. My senses tell me that she has moved on and is trying to put it behind her, but for me it is still difficult.

About 3 months after she agreed to “draw a line in the sand “ , I got a text message from my “friends” wife saying that, they were having a fight with the phone company so her husband had given her a new temporary number- the very same mystery number I had suspected was his. I wonder constantly still his reasons for giving her that number as it only strengthened my case and proved that he was contacting her in a covert manner which would be seen by anybody as being extremely suspicious.

 

To date I have seen him at a couple of social functions, but apart from a hello I have not spoken to him and he did his best to avoid me.

I have not told his wife , but I will if I ever see anything again that is suspicious

My reason for writing this is to warn people, if you have been together for a while and you start seeing a change in behaviour then trust your instinct. Secondly, don’t jump in and accuse, short of finding them in bed together it’s a difficult thing to prove and if you alert them they will most likely become better and hiding their activities from you.

The longer you wait the more evidence you will get, the easier it will be to get an admission.

[spearntime]

Why do you think she was having an affair? I mean, what was going on in your marriage (out of curiosity) ?

[Happiest26]

Malmac, you knew what was going on. You still do. God bless as you deal with what you already know.