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23 years old and I never had a boyfriend, it's making me depressed.


Debra_Wilson

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I've never had a real boyfriend, not at all in my life. I've never been able to really attract a man and if I did attract a man, which is rare, it's usually somebody I'm not attracted to or someone I don't really feel anything for. I've kissed and I had sex before and all of those times were all pretty meaningless and I wish I could take them back. I've had crushes on guys plenty of times throughout my life but I could never find out if the guy liked me and more than likely he probably wasn't interested. I mean if they were interested, they would ask me out right?

 

However I'm just really tired of being single. I'm tired of going out and seeing couples everywhere I go. When is it seriously going to be my turn? I honestly don't know what it feels like to be loved by a man. It would feel nice for a guy to actually be interested in me for once. Heck I can't even get my own father to pay attention to me, and I'm not saying that in a weird way. The only sort of relationship I've been in and I won't even count that was with a man who was just verbally abusive to me. Always telling me I was stupid and saying that I was ugly, it really took a toll on me until I finally just found the strength to walk away and cut him out of my life.

 

I feel very unattractive even though people tell me that I'm beautiful. If I was beautiful, I wouldn't have a problem attracting a man. At least one that I find attractive personally to me. How pathetic is this, I got hit on at the train by some old wrinkly man who actually thought he had a chance with me. He was very creepy and that's the only luck I've had in awhile. .. That took a major shot to my self esteem.. It's like is that the only man I can attract.

 

I see nice looking guys all of the time when I'm out, but they never pay attention to me. It's like I'm invisible to guys, well the ones I'm attracted to anyway.. I'm very lonely as well, I have friends but it's not the same as dating anyone. I've tried online dating and I've failed with that too, nothing but a bunch of crazy men online from my experience. I feel worthless,tired, and lonely.. what am I to do..

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i had my first boyfriend when i was 23 and had finished college.

 

when you haven't dated that long you don't know what to do. here are some tips from me.

 

1. if you're not feminine get feminine-when you don't date you don't know what that means.

 

go shopping, wear fitting clothes, do your hair, makeup,-look pretty but be yourself.

 

this will improve your self confidence

 

2. when you get out there the good guys will love that you have not had a boyfriend yet, it is less drama for them to deal with. so don't worry about not having had a boyfriend yet. i don't regret not dating for so long at all! i avoided all the teenage drama in my opinion!

 

3. have a list of what you want. dating is a game. there are players, cheaters, liers, loosers, alcoholics, druggies...everyone is out there and you must be confident to find the right guy.

 

4. join online dating website-it is awesome in my opinion. if you have any questions just ask!

 

i'm 26 now and have gotten much better in the dating game.

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ounds like you have attracted guys, just you are picky. Sounds like you look at the negative a lot and that you generalize your negative thoughts "the only man I can attract", "nothing but a bunch of crazy men" "seeing couples everywhere I go". Also, something else stood out to me as negative: "I have friends but it's not the same as dating anyone." Maybe when you value your friendships and don't compare them to other (fantasized) relationships and be happy and grateful for what you have (friends, family and people telling you that you are beautiful) then maybe this rut you are in is a way of telling you that you have to appreciate things, be more positive and grateful in order to attract someone worthwhile into your life.

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oh and watch some girls on youtube if you don't know stuff about fashion and clothes or makeup.....no matter what guys say, they are attracted initially attracted to you because of your looks! the prettier you look the more men you get to choose from. you might know all this but it took me a while to figure out....LOL...i was so naive back then!

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Also, something else stood out to me as negative: "I have friends but it's not the same as dating anyone." Maybe when you value your friendships and don't compare them to other (fantasized) relationships and be happy and grateful for what you have (friends, family and people telling you that you are beautiful) then maybe this rut you are in is a way of telling you that you have to appreciate things, be more positive and grateful in order to attract someone worthwhile into your life.

 

True that.

 

I was cool with being single before I met my ex. I had so much joy inside me, she was just one of the many people I shared it with. Had I not met her, things would have gone just fine for me.

 

Perhaps it's more challenging for a woman to be happily single, I don't know. I'm not a woman. But it's not just about looks. Got to carry a vibe that says you're onto something.

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I mean if they were interested, they would ask me out right?

 

I wouldn't have a problem attracting a man. At least one that I find attractive personally to me. (

 

I read this so much here on ENA. Girls saying that all the other girls attract me but I don't. What is stopping you from going and getting to know some of the guys out there and seeing if they are right for you? Why are so many girls stuck in this 1960s sensibilities, that I'm a girl, the guys have to run around madly doing all the work to ask me out? It's 2010, it's a different world, girls can go out and get what they want. So, why not do that? Make a little effort yourself to start the process going. ie go out and get a guy interested in you.

 

The girl I'm dating at the moment talk me she is attracted to confident guys, but many guys are attracted to confident girls too. More and more these days, guys want to know if a girl is interested in them before taking up chase.

 

Okay, so the guys you find attractive don't notice you. Perhaps your standards are set a little high. Sure, don't lower then to the wrinkly old man (unless you, ah, like that kind of thing) but look and see if you can find guys in the next bracket down you could find attractive, and go talk to them. And, if you get rejected once, twice, a hundred times, then you know what us guys have to deal with in meeting women. Thing is, we HAVE to get over it and go ask the next girl.

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There's this interesting little psychological thing that happens with attractive people.

 

They tend to think they aren't attractive enough bc people are afraid to approach them.

 

They start to think that they are "ugly" and "unattractive" bc people avoid them bc they are simply threatened. There are women out there who won't even make friends with a very attractive girl bc they feel threatened.

 

As stupid as it seems, it is a dynamic.

 

If you consider this, is it possible that it is true?

 

If so, consider this fact as you meet someone, and be very very friendly and open...with the attractiveness thing considered.

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i was the same. I didn't start dating until 23...and it was makingme depressed. I never liked anyone and nobody liked me. I didn't feel that i was attractive either. I sort of jumped in head first and chose some wrong guys but found a good one.

 

Im very shy and quite and dont drink so its hard. I tried internet dating. It worked after some time.

 

I never felt confident in how i looked. I met a guy and he thought i was 'beautiful' but i couldn't see it... he turned out to not be so good but after i went and had my hair changed - and it did the WORLD of good. A different look.

 

Even tho its just your hair give it a go. it can give you confidence. Since i have i haven't thought that way as much. When i met my bf he told me he was suprised that i dind't have guys running after me all the time. He saw something i dont obiously!

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Okay you could possible not be noticing the guys that are noticing you. Therefore not flirting with them to get a response. Body language can also be putting people off, are you too reserved? How do friends describe you?

 

Okay here's another thought tell friends your interested in dating and have them set you up.

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You say you feel unattractive; What do you look like and have you worked on your appearance?

 

You can't change other people but you can change yourself and therefore change how people react to you.

 

 

I would like to do some things to change my appearance. However I just don't have the money right now to buy new clothing and change up my wardrobe etc etc.. and do big things.I'm a relatively skinny girl & I've just never really felt comfortable in myself. I always hated how I look.. there are some days where I feel attractive and confident but it's rare that I have those days.. I'd really like to change my hairstyle and clothing up and go with a new look but all of that requires money which is something that I can't waste foolishly right now.

 

sounds like you have attracted guys, just you are picky. Sounds like you look at the negative a lot and that you generalize your negative thoughts "the only man I can attract", "nothing but a bunch of crazy men" "seeing couples everywhere I go". Also, something else stood out to me as negative: "I have friends but it's not the same as dating anyone." Maybe when you value your friendships and don't compare them to other (fantasized) relationships and be happy and grateful for what you have (friends, family and people telling you that you are beautiful) then maybe this rut you are in is a way of telling you that you have to appreciate things, be more positive and grateful in order to attract someone worthwhile into your life.

 

You got me so wrong!! I am grateful for my life and I'm blessed in a lot of areas. I'm grateful for my family and friends, but what I'm tired of is being single. I'm happy in all areas but I'm really just tired of not finding anybody worth dating.Also how am I being picky?? What kills me is when people say other people are picky when it comes to dating, you really have to be when you think about it.Would you simply just date anybody? So you are saying I should date a man I'm not attracted to or not interested in and lead them on?? I just find it annoying that the only men I seem to attract which is rare are the ones I don't particularly like in that way. I truly am not going to settle for anybody. I think it's wrong to attempt to date someone when nothing is there, at least on my part. It's not fair to date a man and lead them on.

 

 

 

I read this so much here on ENA. Girls saying that all the other girls attract me but I don't. What is stopping you from going and getting to know some of the guys out there and seeing if they are right for you? Why are so many girls stuck in this 1960s sensibilities, that I'm a girl, the guys have to run around madly doing all the work to ask me out? It's 2010, it's a different world, girls can go out and get what they want. So, why not do that? Make a little effort yourself to start the process going. ie go out and get a guy interested in you.

 

The girl I'm dating at the moment talk me she is attracted to confident guys, but many guys are attracted to confident girls too. More and more these days, guys want to know if a girl is interested in them before taking up chase.

 

Okay, so the guys you find attractive don't notice you. Perhaps your standards are set a little high. Sure, don't lower then to the wrinkly old man (unless you, ah, like that kind of thing) but look and see if you can find guys in the next bracket down you could find attractive, and go talk to them. And, if you get rejected once, twice, a hundred times, then you know what us guys have to deal with in meeting women. Thing is, we HAVE to get over it and go ask the next girl.

 

I'm not a straightforward person at all when it comes to approaching men. Maybe I am stuck on old ways. I just always felt like it was the mans job to get things going. I just feel like approaching a guy just seems a little desperate on my part, but I feel like I'm really taking the man's role at getting the ball rolling.

 

I personally don't believe my standards are too high. People, I'm not looking for some god of a man with muscles and just a perfect 10 all around. Not at all, I just want a man I find cute. He doesn't even have to be all of that because looks are not everything to me at all. I just don't understand why I'm attracting men that just don't appeal to me. That's the annoying part and I'm not superficial at all. Can the guy be cute at least? I don't care how many people say attraction is not everything because it is. There has to be some attraction there for you to even want to get a relationship going. Who would honestly date someone they don't even like looking at? Then that makes me feel like maybe I'm ugly in itself.. But then I've attracted cute guys before.. The cute ones only seem to stare and make goo goo eyes at me. But then I psych myself out saying, they weren't really looking at me. If that guy was interested in me, he would talk to me. I'm blowing things out of proportion. I don't know this whole thing is frustrating to me..

 

There's this interesting little psychological thing that happens with attractive people.

 

They tend to think they aren't attractive enough bc people are afraid to approach them.

 

They start to think that they are "ugly" and "unattractive" bc people avoid them bc they are simply threatened. There are women out there who won't even make friends with a very attractive girl bc they feel threatened.

 

As stupid as it seems, it is a dynamic.

 

If you consider this, is it possible that it is true?

 

If so, consider this fact as you meet someone, and be very very friendly and open...with the attractiveness thing considered.

 

I guess that could be true that maybe I am attractive and men are afraid to approach me. I'm just trying to figure out why is it the ones I find attractive always be the ones who are intimidated. Like last week, I was at the mall at the food court and I kept making eye contact with this really cute guy. He was cute, however we kept playing this eye game. I was trying to give him clues for him to come over and talk to me but all he did was just kept smiling and giving me glances every chance he gets... Then I over analyzed it and thought to myself that maybe he wasn't looking at me at all, maybe he was staring at someone else and maybe he wasn't interested all together sigh..

 

 

Okay you could possible not be noticing the guys that are noticing you. Therefore not flirting with them to get a response. Body language can also be putting people off, are you too reserved? How do friends describe you?

 

Okay here's another thought tell friends your interested in dating and have them set you up.

 

I'm a really shy quiet type of girl in general. There are times where I can be confident and I'm a little carefree and talkative but it's rare. I noticed I do feel intimated with guys I really like and are attracted to. I tend to really tense up around a guy I have a crush on. I feel really nervous and I am really quiet around a guy I really like. If I'm around people I feel comfortable around, I'm a lot more relaxed,carefree and talkative.

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I'm a really shy quiet type of girl in general. There are times where I can be confident and I'm a little carefree and talkative but it's rare. I noticed I do feel intimated with guys I really like and are attracted to. I tend to really tense up around a guy I have a crush on. I feel really nervous and I am really quiet around a guy I really like. If I'm around people I feel comfortable around, I'm a lot more relaxed,carefree and talkative.

 

I suspected as such. You may very well be physically attractive, but guys can be more hesitant if you seem more aloof or distanced and not as approachable. If you are getting overly tense with the guys that you find attractive that is probably putting them off. Seems kind cruel doesn't it. Also being prone to shyness you probably naturally just go under the radar whereas more ostentatious women catch other people's attention more easily, not necessarily reflecting on their inherent attractiveness as a person.

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Like last week, I was at the mall at the food court and I kept making eye contact with this really cute guy. He was cute, however we kept playing this eye game. I was trying to give him clues for him to come over and talk to me but all he did was just kept smiling and giving me glances every chance he gets...

 

To raise another possibility but this only applies to shy guys like me; you are not in an approachable environment. You are on public transport where everyone's quiet and just sitting there, I don't think I'd have the guts to walk over and talk with no material, no ice breaker which I don't think is lame. Same with the mall, I would have nothing to go on. In fact I don't see many (any?) people do cold approaches in general situations.

Ask yourself why you didn't approach the guy then? And except for the very lame "because I'm a girl" reason, he's probably thinking the exact same thing.

 

This isn't anyone's fault, but just something to consider?

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I have the perfect answer to this:

 

A friend once told me, "You're probably better off not having a girlfriend who isn't the right person for you, because even when you're with her you won't be happy."

 

Which I think is really true: Why have a boyfriend unless he's going to make u happy? I'm sure 20% of people u know are right now stuck in a relationship they don't know how to, or can't get out of. How depressed do you think they are?

 

Or, another way to think about it, is that once the right person comes, you're going to be wishing you were less depressed when you were single because you would've made much better use of your time.

 

And, lol, I'm kinda in the same shoes. For me it's a matter of keeping positive, setting goals, and getting on with them. From time to time I feel down but I try to keep them as transient as possible. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Happiness is not a goal; it's a byproduct." I mean, there's more to life than boy-girl relationships. Keep busy and time will melt away - and you'll meet him in no time

 

Oh, and I'm kinda good looking too

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....I feel very unattractive even though people tell me that I'm beautiful. If I was beautiful, I wouldn't have a problem attracting a man. At least one that I find attractive personally to me....

 

 

Looks have nothing to do with it. If that were true, then only really beautiful people would have relationships and all them, not just some. My son is gorgeous. He was told that if he were taller he could easily model, but should consider acting because he's leading man material. He hasn't really dated anyone since he was 17. He's 23 now.

 

Do you think you have a self-image problem? Men are attracted to all kinds of women - short, tall, blond, brunette, Asian, caucasian, African American, full-figured, stick figured. It really has more to do with confidence, I think. And that's something you can build.

 

Do you do affirmations? It helped me a great deal after my divorce. And, yes, my son takes after me...I'm gorgeous, too. See how well it works? LOL. I bought a special notebook where I wrote daily affirmations to myself and read them outloud as I wrote them. Then I made a list of my best qualities. Then a list of things I'd like to do for myself - hair, make-up, clothing, etc. And I did them. It was great!

 

Also, you can gain confidence by developing your own style. It helps you feel comfortable with yourself. Instead of looking like everyone else, how do you stand out? How do you want to project yourself? (This was huge for me and I think something every woman must do for herself at some point in life - never remain static, though.)

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To raise another possibility but this only applies to shy guys like me; you are not in an approachable environment. You are on public transport where everyone's quiet and just sitting there, I don't think I'd have the guts to walk over and talk with no material, no ice breaker which I don't think is lame. Same with the mall, I would have nothing to go on. In fact I don't see many (any?) people do cold approaches in general situations.

Ask yourself why you didn't approach the guy then? And except for the very lame "because I'm a girl" reason, he's probably thinking the exact same thing.

 

This isn't anyone's fault, but just something to consider?

 

What's an approachable environment then?

 

Why do girls always say they always get approached when they walk through the mall or are on public transit then?

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Why do girls always say they always get approached when they walk through the mall or are on public transit then?

 

I'm being rather cynical here so don't listen to me haha, but I was thinking about this before and the conclusion I came to was that women love how romantic it is. I wouldn't be surprised if it was one (of the many) reasons that women won't do any approaching or even feign not being attracted to the guy. "Oh I was just minding my own little business and this man swept me off my feet" or an ego boost that they've attracted someone just going about their day.

 

Think Hollywood I guess. Oh so romantic, so coincidental ...

And that damn cliche "don't look for it"

Or just from the wedding photos I've seen they do the fairytale of how they met, and more often that not it involves the girl looking away off to the side and the guy admiring her. Ofcourse the photo is a set up but tells me it's what people wish in their minds.

 

--- Well just clarify ontop me writing this in a cynical/negative mood (I'll happily admit this), I don't meant to apply this to Deb's situation. The sooner men and women in a dire situation like this wake up and realise the above just doesn't magically happen, the better.

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