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Just writing it out.


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Please tell me what do I have to do? I really wander how you just forget about me and not care anymore.

 

Anyway, how long does it take to prepare to leave me, to let go of me? I don’t think you took more than 6 months, right? Or, maybe all you needed was the other person to replace?

 

You see, it is not fair. . . I dumped you when I was ready to leave you, twice. And I second guessed, twice, because you told me to stay. So, I stayed and all it was just to get dumped by you? Didn’t I tell you to stay also?

You were prepared. You made the decision. You already had this guy to fall in love with. You had planned out how you are going to live the life without me. You were ready. Then, you told me you are leaving me. And me? I fall into pieces by your nasty surprise.

 

79 days since I last saw you. 154 days since you moved out. 178 days since you told me you are leaving me. There is no single day, you didn’t cross my mind. And here I am shedding tears, reliving in our past. Once I thought I am over you, it just came back.

 

You said a lot of things to me, though it is blurry now and I know you didn’t mean all you said. All your actions, all your responses hurt me so bad and made me hate you. But, I can’t hate you. You are far too beyond that point, you were so good to me and stayed with me too long that I can’t hate you anymore. Hating you is impossible, the anger and the rage can only last until next minute I miss you.

 

After six month, I think it is no longer a desperate and needy/ clingy feeling anymore. I am OK and pretty happy with the situation right now. I just miss you. I just want to see you be around you and talk to you but I don’t know what to say. There is no point in the two of us talking about but I do miss your presence. I would love to think about the girl I am doing out for dinner tonight instead of you. I would love to get angry and emotional if she cancels the date instead of reliving in our past.

 

I am not going to believe I am going to say this. My heart is still open for you. I know it is not possible to be the same as it was, I know there is no future for us. But I know I still want you. I just want to be hold by you and be around you, even if it is for awhile. And the thing is my ego is too big to admit that to you. And, anyway, you’re happy with your new man, aren’t you?

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Thanks for the comment. Yes, she left me for another guy.

 

I guess it is more about me than about her. I have to say she stayed with me and very good to me until she got a chance not to do so.

 

But, 7 years is long. I just miss her. What else I can do other than write it out. Logically, we are done for this life, i think.

 

I also thought of leaving her more than once before, but I was afraid of unfamiliar. Glad she did this, so I can grow into better person out of this.

 

Then again, like i said "I just feel like I miss her, as a person from my life."

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