Jump to content

Is he dropping marriage hints or am I imagining things?


citymouse

Recommended Posts

We've been dating three months and all is going well.

 

We started being intimate a month ago, he tells me he loves me all the time, we get together usually 2x a week and he's just a nice, steady, kind, wonderful guy all the way around. I cannot believe my lucky stars.

 

But last week he said two things that got my attention.

 

Example #1: We were taking a cooking class at a popular local municipal/botanical gardens place that is a popular spot for weddings. And *twice* that evening when other people mentioned how many weddings are held there, my b/f turned to me and said: "Members get a discount here when they book events." My b/f is a member there by the way.

 

Now why would he mention that to me *twice*????

 

Then when we were leaving he told me how much he enjoys being a member there and then he said, "Next year I'll put you on my membership, too."

 

Next year.....

 

 

Ok, now for Example #2: We were talking a few days ago about random things and he just mentioned that he happens to be looking to buy some building plans, like architectural plans, so that he can build a second (larger) house on his property.

 

Right now he's living in a very small house on a large piece of land,.... which is fine for just one person.... so why would he be thinking of expanding his living space?

 

I am going head over heels for this guy, so of course I want to read things into things... he has already told me a number of times that he wants to have LTR with me... but I was wondering if anyone else thinks these two examples could possibly mean that he's thinking of marriage.

 

I almost hate to even ask because I dont' want to jinx all the good things that are happening right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aye, he should not get too ahead of himself. You two are probably well into the honeymoon phase of the relationship.

 

I mean, 2-3 months into dating my girlfriend, her parents (right around the Holidays) said that even though they hadn't met me, they invited me to next year's Christmas. I was flattered that they liked me that much, just going by hearsay. But at the same time, it's dangerous to plan that far ahead. We broke up 3 weeks ago after 5 months of dating. All it took was sliding out of the honeymoon phase to realize this wasn't going to work as a long-term relationship. The pixie dust washes off and reality sets in. Not saying you two aren't possibly meant for each other, but 3 months is quite soon to think about marriage. Express your feelings for him, reminding him to focus on the here and now, whether he is thinking of marriage or not.

 

Things may seem perfect now, like you can't imagine life with out that person (and it may work out in the long-term), but he's got to know that things change over time, and it's important to just take things one day at a time. You plan when you're in love, I know from personal experience. There I was, ready to start saving up for an engagement ring when we hadn't even dropped the M or E word yet. I had dreams about us going on a vacation somewhere, having bonfires at the beach, et cetera. Like you, she and I spent usually 1-2 (max of 3) days a week together. We were in love and had an active sex life, texted all the time when we weren't around each other, gave goodnight and good morning calls, did all the things that could make a relationship as healthy as possible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with easyguy...there are lots of people (both men and women) who get so caught up in the honeymoon period that they talk about weddings, what to name their children etc..and then a few months later things fall to pieces. It really is too early to tell..and if he is already making all these grand implications, I would take it with a large grain of salt. You just became physically intimate a month ago so he is still reeling wtih the newness of this whole relationship and the excitement of having a regular partner to do things with and have sex with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I had a guy in college after a couple months start talking about where we'd go on our honeymoon etc.

 

Then a month later he just disappeared one day and stopped calling me with no explanation, and in fact ended up engaged to another girl 6 months later.

 

Some people just get carried away too soon, and make promises they don't intend to keep. If he's still talking this way in another year or two, i'd take him seriously. You just don't want to get too serious when you hardly know the person, as their promises at that point may or may not mean anything at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, he said he would buy me a membership to the gardens next year, he didn't say he would marry me next year...

 

And he could have many reasons for wanting to expand his living space that could have nothing to do with me.

 

I'm the one with the "M" word buzzing around in my head and making a mountain out of a mole hill...

 

but yeah I get your point and I do see what you're saying, and I agree.

 

Three months is way too early to be thinking like this.... I need to put a lid on it.

 

 

I just can't help it 'cos I'm crazy about him right now....

Yeah, we're *definitely* in the honeymoon, can't do any wrong period right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's nothing wrong with having your "head in the clouds" and thinking about marriage. Just make sure to stay grounded and realize the reality of the situation.

 

Nothing wrong with dreaming though.

 

All is good.

 

Thanks Ren, that's a nice way of putting it.

 

 

He isn't mentioning anything of marriage per se.... I'm just reading between the lines of things he has said.

 

Yes I am dreaming.

 

I try not to spend too much time doing that though because I think if I invest my energy that way then I might start to project that around him. And that's the last thing I would want to do.

 

We've got a really good thing going right now -- taking things one step at a time, not rushing too much, etc. etc., just having fun -- and I don't want to do anything to spoil it or throw it off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's nothing wrong with having your "head in the clouds" and thinking about marriage. Just make sure to stay grounded and realize the reality of the situation.

 

Nothing wrong with dreaming though.

 

All is good.

 

Agreed. I'm so happy that you are happy Mouse! It's wonderful to hear that things are going well.

 

It sounds like this guy is treating you to some fun dates. What have you guys been up to lately?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Ms. Darcy. I honestly feel he's the nicest and most together guy I've ever dated, ever. He's so down to earth, thoughful, caring...

 

When we get together, it's like he lights up. I can see it in his eyes and it is so sweet. He is so tender and gentle with me. It's like we are kids again. (I'm 48, he's 51 by the way) He always holds my hand or puts his arm around me... he says things like "I love watching you smile." "I want to make your life better." "I feel so lucky to be with you."

 

 

He listens to little things I say .... if I mention I want to start cooking more, he signs us up for cooking classes. I told him I heard Paul McCartney was coming on tour so he got us tickets. I mentioned I wanted to get a food processor and he asked me what kind so that he could find one. When we're driving in my car, he wants me to pull into the gas station so he can wash my windows and fill up the tank. Just little things.... I've started watching what I say because I don't want to take advantage of his generosity...!

 

We do lots of different things, concerts, dinner out, the movies, or grilling at home and watching DVDs. I think what I like best is that I find him so kind and also smart and interesting... great, dry sense of humor, and I love dry. I'm very much that way too. I just feel deeply compatible with him, spiritually, mentally, physically. I feel so safe and comfortable with him. I've started letting my boundaries down with him more and more. I've told him things I have never told any other b/f... We met through E-harmony by the way.

 

I know like Easyguy said, this could all go poof at some point. I like this guy so much it scares me to think of losing him. I try not to go there. But when 90% of your relationships have ended in disaster, you can't help thinking that way sometimes...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have thought from day 1 this guy was crazy about you

 

Yes, I think I hear wedding bells....especially at our age, these guys don't want to waste their time and won't date someone for months and months they aren't interested in long term .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have thought from day 1 this guy was crazy about you

 

Yes, I think I hear wedding bells....especially at our age, these guys don't want to waste their time and won't date someone for months and months they aren't interested in long term .

 

Citymouse, I never asked...just curious...has be been married before? Does he have any kids?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should take it easy. I was dating a guy for 3 months we spent so much time with eachother, didn't think anything will go wrong. He asked me when will i have children and what names will i choose etc and funny enough i saw him 3 weeks ago and he hasn't replied to any of my messages. He has disappeared for no reason. People change their mind over night with people. Hope he means what he says. Good luck x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Ms. Darcy. I honestly feel he's the nicest and most together guy I've ever dated, ever. He's so down to earth, thoughful, caring...

 

I know like Easyguy said, this could all go poof at some point. I like this guy so much it scares me to think of losing him. I try not to go there. But when 90% of your relationships have ended in disaster, you can't help thinking that way sometimes...

 

That's really wonderful Mouse. It sounds like you have a great guy on your hands who is really attentive and compatible with you. I think on this board we have to take care to celebrate while we offer realistic caution. Enjoy your guy hon! Who knows where it will go, but have fun in the process.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks MissKitty for saying that. Maybe I am not crazy after all? I mean he didn't say: "Next year we'll use my membership to get a discount and rent the rose garden for our wedding." Lol. But when he mentioned out of the blue, for no other apparent reason, *two times* that members get a discount on booking events there, it just made me wonder

 

Of course I said nothing to him about the inferences I'm drawing from that...

 

I just let these thoughts run around in my head

 

He knew I needed new sheets so today he took me to Sam's Club to add me to his business membership account. Then he bought me the sheets... on the way out he wanted to buy me flowers too, but they were out of flowers.

 

I have the little plastic card now, with my name on it and his name on it. That little piece of plastic makes me so happy. No man has ever done anything like that for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Citymouse, I never asked...just curious...has be been married before? Does he have any kids?

 

Divorced many years ago, not sure, 10 years ago? And no kids....

 

I think you should take it easy. I was dating a guy for 3 months we spent so much time with eachother, didn't think anything will go wrong. He asked me when will i have children and what names will i choose etc and funny enough i saw him 3 weeks ago and he hasn't replied to any of my messages. He has disappeared for no reason. People change their mind over night with people. Hope he means what he says. Good luck x

 

This scares the be-jeezus out of me. have had this happen to me too. I am so invested in this now that if he ended up doing something like this I would probably curl up into a ball and not be able to function for weeks. I know it would hit me harder than any other breakup. Because no other guy has gotten to me quite like this one. This one is completely different from all the other flashy fast-talkers I got mixed up with in the past... it's easier to get over someone who is a jerk, I think.

 

That's really wonderful Mouse. It sounds like you have a great guy on your hands who is really attentive and compatible with you. I think on this board we have to take care to celebrate while we offer realistic caution. Enjoy your guy hon! Who knows where it will go, but have fun in the process.

 

Realistic caution, I like that. You are so right.....I am going to hold that thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This scares the be-jeezus out of me. I have had this happen to me too. I am so invested in this now that if he ended up doing something like this I would probably curl up into a ball and not be able to function for weeks. I know it would hit me harder than any other breakup. Because no other guy has gotten to me quite like this one. This one is completely different from all the other flashy fast-talkers I got mixed up with in the past... it's easier to get over someone who is a jerk, I think

This guy is in love with you, he is not going to dump you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Citymouse, you have rekindled my interest in on -line dating. Just when I start to think it's loserville, I hear nice things like this! What a nice guy...maybe I should re-join EH.

 

Soon we will be following you to the marriage forum, lol!

 

 

I would love it if that would happen but .... I have my moments, like this evening, where I start analyzing things and connecting the dots and thinking: This guy could be The One. This really could be it.

 

But as so many others have pointed out, this is all still early on, three months for me is like an Olympic achievement compared to my sordid dating history and past track record.

 

 

But things do change and people do change.

 

At this point I just can't see myself ever wanting to break up with him. If we did break up, he would have to be the one to initiate it. Because I honestly could see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

 

The only red flag I can think of is that he told me his last LTR was with another woman for four years. He said they broke up 2 or 3 years ago. I wonder sometimes if he is just a serial monogamist who dates women for three or four years and doesnt' marry them? It's just something that occurred to me.

 

I coudln't see myself wanting to be someone's girlfriend for *four* friggin years. Woah. I would want the ring at some point, I mean no need to rush or anything, but four years?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, who knows what their situation was. Maybe she didn't want to get married. I wouldn't even worry about it.

 

I have always said and will say it again (even though almost every ENA'r gives me slack about it) - when men fall, it's usually pretty fast. It doesn't take them months to know. So when others say 3 months is too soon - it's not. He probably knew by the 3rd date that he could see himself pursuing something with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, who knows what their situation was. Maybe she didn't want to get married. I wouldn't even worry about it.

 

I have always said and will say it again (even though almost every ENA'r gives me slack about it) - when men fall, it's usually pretty fast. It doesn't take them months to know. So when others say 3 months is too soon - it's not. He probably knew by the 3rd date that he could see himself pursuing something with you.

 

I agree with you, men who are ready to commit, ready to settle down, don't need a long time to decide yes or no on the woman they're seeing.

 

The red flags come when it's a player coming on strong in the beginning; the guy who really just says what the woman wants to hear to get her into bed; those tend to make up the majority of the ones who take off and disappear.

 

My sister and brother in law were engaged like two months after they first met; and married eight months after meeting. They have been together seven years and still going strong, very happy etc. My brother in law was ready to settle down and he meant business.

 

On the other hand my parents were married some 12 years when my dad vanished for six months or so when my mom was pregnant with me. He eventually came back -- but that's another story. There are guys (and women to be fair) out there who just flake out in the midst of a committed relationship. But they are the minority I think.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with you, men who are ready to commit, ready to settle down, don't need a long time to decide yes or no on the woman they're seeing.

 

The red flags come when it's a player coming on strong in the beginning; the guy who really just says what the woman wants to hear to get her into bed; those tend to make up the majority of the ones who take off and disappear.

 

I agree mostly, but I think there are noticeable exceptions ... like young guys or guys who have been divorced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Update: He gave me a diamond bracelet on Sunday! He said it was the first day of spring and he wanted me "to have something sweet."

 

I didn't realize it was real until I took it to the jeweler today to have a safety clasp put on.... there are three big diamonds on the front and the jeweler told me they looked like at least one carat each. Plus there are a bunch of diamond baguettes on either side.

 

I've never had a piece of jewelry this nice and I loved it just as much yesterday when I wondered/assumed it was just nice costume jewelry --- I would *never* expect a man to give me actual diamonds after three months of dating --- but now that I know it's real, it means even more to me. When the jeweler told me they were real, I nearly fainted.

 

This weekend too we were at an art show and saw paintings of Tuscany and he made an off-handed comment about us traveling there together "when we retire...."

 

Plus he gave me a dozen roses on Friday night.

 

I can't believe this is happening to me!

 

We are both middle-aged so I think this is different than if we were young.... I mean I hope it means that this is it. I really hope that he is the one. I am head over heels!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Ren and Ms. Darcy. I'd be lying if I said I weren't thinking about a wedding dress too.... but at the same time I want to be "cautiously optimistic" and not get too ahead of myself.

 

I've described the bracelet in detail to two female relatives on the phone this afternoon and they said the bracelet must have cost at least $3,000.... I can't believe that though, I just can't believe it. There is no way. And I don't want to know what it cost because that's not the point... but I feel so stupid.

 

Tonight my big sister (who I adore) kind of lovingly chastised me and said, "How could you not have known it was real when you first opened it up?"

 

I guess I'm just a rube or something because I just didn't! Not until the jeweler told me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...