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Will he ever regret it?


Saudade

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It s been a week that my bf broke up with me. Im really hurt and confused. We had been dating for a little over a year and half. Things seemed going well. He did an awesome Valentine's surprise for me (actually he would always do nice surprises and put so much effort on them). We both liked doing those kind things to each other. We were planning a our first trip abroad together. He was always emailing me with suggestions/ideas. He seemed excited about it too. Even asked his friends for suggestions. He was still making long term plans, even the day before the break up. He was even saying out of the blue that he loved me. Honestly i didnt see this coming at all. What kind person makes you believe that they love you then the next min they take it away?

 

So, the break up happened when I got upset after he mentioned that he might go to study abroad. I told him Id never ask him to stay because I knew how this was important to him but I questioned him if he ever considered me on his decision and he said yes that’s why this would be better for us/ me. He said that right now his priorities were school and traveling(which he loves it). He said his feelings haven't changed but they havent grown as the same level as mine. He was happy the way things were but he couldnt committed more. We argued. I cried, he cried. He said it wouldnt be fair for me to wait for him. He said he was so grateful for having had me in his life because I was so good, caring and patient with him. It was so dramatic and painful. I asked how long he had been thinking about this break up but he said he didnt plan it. It just happened right there. How someone decide to break someone's heart just like that without thinking about it?! I told him that if this what he wanted thats what he would get. I told him not to contact me at all (no emails/txt/msn/nothing) I was angry, confused, hurt. I couldnt believe what was happening to us.

 

So he dropped me off at my place. We talked on the way. Sometimes i would cry, sometimes i would be mad. Blaming myself. All those dramas that girls do but we shouldnt. (at that time I forgot about that 'rule'...Do NOT cry).At this point he didnt seem to care at all. He was cold. I felt betrayed. i felt like a fool for believing that we had something. When he dropped me off he asked me again if i wanted NO communication (NC) and i said yes. He cried. Then he wanted to hug me and I said 'no' at first. Then I stop and thought for a sec that I would regret so I run back and hugged and told him that I was going miss him so much. (We were both crying)

 

After he dropped me off, I was so angry, I called him crying and said that i hated him, that I hated him for giving hope(trip/for all plans). I didnt let him to speak. Hung up. I cried the whole day. I even got a fever. Couldnt sleep, couldnt eat.

 

It s been a week and we havent spoken at all. This whole past week we ve been logged on msn but we dont speak to each other. He left on his msn status for the whole week saying 'sitty wkd' Im trying so hard not to contact him....trying really hard

I wrote him a short email to say that I dont hate him but I havent sent it. Im not sure if I should though. It is his birthday next week but I dont know if I should acknowledge or just ignore it. (mine is two weeks after his ) I still have his stuff at my place and got mine at his. How should I do the exchange? Ask someone to do for me? Because I don’t think I can face him right now. Unless if he wanted to get back together.

 

So many things on my mind. So many questions? Why hasnt he contacted me at all? Did he ever care for me? Will he ever regret it? Has he moved on already?

How could be that wrong? I really thought we were connected. I thought he loved me. We were a happy couple. (at least that's what I thought and so most of people who knew us)

 

I feel like an old pair of shoes; when we dont want them anymore then we throw them away. I ve been crying every single day. I want to call him, to contact him but I think I shouldnt. What should I do? Can you guys see any hope?

 

Some guidance please! I am lost/hurt/confused.

 

ps: Sorry if the sentences are not properly arranged, I cant really focus.

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Well, you can help ensure you're "the one who got away" in his memory by:

 

1. Looking fabulous every time you step out of the house, just in case you run into him or one of his friends who will report back to him that you look incredible (men are so visual).

 

2. Living your life to the fullest. Doing the things that make you feel happy, challenged, intelligent. Plan that trip with a girlfriend. He'll hear about all the great things you're doing either through social networking or friends.

 

3. Going totally no contact from this moment forward. He is not worth your time and effort, so don't even think about contacting him again. He is a loser. To help, write down every incident and reason you should be happy he's gone.

 

4. Start doing things to improve your sense of self - volunteer in the community, get involved with an organization or area of study for which you feel passion.

 

5. Do daily affirmations - write them down and read them aloud to use both sides of your brain to help them stick.

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I expect he'll contact you within 8 weeks, but only if you don't make any contact and appear to be truly happy. Once they get a sense that you're healing and moving forward, they seem to want to reconnect. Hopefully, he'll be groveling when he does.

 

He is so going to have second thoughts, if not outright regrets.

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things happen like this when you are young. my current ex and i were engaged, lived together, and we had similar problems of where we each wanted our lives to take us. we took different paths and could not be together. we are both very career oriented. why don't you take some time off and look at things from his point of view. he is leaving the country to travel...this might be the last time in his life that he has the opportunity to do this...i'm assuming you guys are in your early 20s. my and my ex are in our mid 20s. just understand...somtimes that is the greatest thing you can do for someone.

 

i'm not saying you should sit around and wait for him. date other people. but it seems you care about him too much, just keep him as a friend. who knows what the future could hold. it could be that he is overwhelmed about leaving you behind and thinks that you might leave him once he is gone. long distance is very hard. but you have to take him from the love of your life category to slightly more than friend category. that could take some time...but it is worth it. my and my ex are there and i'm happy he is still in my life.

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not necessarily...my ex was 42 and decided that he was gunna take a job abroad and even when in UK it would have meant (in his words) very little time left for a relationship (but of course he wanted to be friends of i suspect the text message variety) he also said i could go to his (yeah for a shag basically)

 

i went NC, and like the OP i wonder if he will ever regret it

 

i have gone down the 'the one that got away' route....even tho i feel angry at him at times, as it is like just being tossed aside, and them 'love yous' didnt mean jack

 

my philosophy, right or wrong, is that you dont move miles away from those you truly love

 

it will be interesting to see if this 8 week thingy plays out...if it does i hope i am at the stage of not caring and/or not wanting to know him by then

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I'm 30 and he is 28.

 

I understand his reasons. I really do. But there is nothing settled for him to go away still. And if it happens that would be by the end of summer 2011. Everything happened so fast. I feel he was planning go away for a long time and never let me know. Thats why I feel betrayed because Ive always been supportive. This going abroad for school thing happened within a week. I just dont understand why he gave up just like that, not even trying to see how things would go when he went away.

 

Its been 10 days without a word. Its been really hard but no, I wont wait around for him. I love him very much but I think he took this for granted. I can see we can be friends eventually but I cant really do this right now or anytime soon. I am too disappointed and hurt.

 

Im taking a day at the time and hopefully i will get better and better.

 

Thanks you guys for the advices

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