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Paranoid people who snoop around ...


Tarkan

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Let's get real, it's not the "gutfeeling" that pushes people to find if their SO is doing something wrong ... it's their lack of confidence and issues with trust and jealousy.

 

Examples of situations that might make certain people freak out and make them snoop:

 

- SO isn't sending messages back fast enough or doesn't reply when in fact he's having a good time with friends

- A person from the other gender, unknown to you, leaves a compliment on the Facebook wall of your SO

- Your SO simply looked at someone of the other gender or compliments on someone

 

These situations, who are pretty common might be a perfect indication to some people, that their SO is DEFINITELLY trying to cheat them

 

They will never be satisfied with denial. If their SO tells them "It's ok you can trust me" they'll keep interrogate and snooping anyway until they hear what they want to hear. Sometimes, they'll push their "victims" so far that these last ones will make unwanted consents, which they don't believe in. Just to get some peace.

 

At which point they'll reply with "You see, i KNEW it, I couldn't trust you"

 

which is funny and ironic ... because who was the one in the first place that was showing a lack of trust ?

 

I just wanted to say this because I've seen alot of friends ( mostly ex-friends now ) turning into paranoid psycho's. They couldn't stop snoop and mistrust everyone around them. As a result they lost alot of the people who loved them ... because they didn't believe it was true love anyway. It was so hard for them to see the positive things in others.

 

Also, I've seen so many posts of people who check the emails and messages of their SO and misinterprete the information they read. A message could be an inside joke, a reference to something else, anything. You just let your imagination make up a story for you. A story that you want to believe in because you need an answer. I have one question: WHY ? Why would you want to cause yourself so much pain ? Why no trust ? Ins't it the most essential thing in a relationship ?

 

Resist the urge and save yourself from greater sorrow !

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I have NEVER snooped.

 

With that being said, on COUNTLESS occasions - people who snoop typically find something. So maybe it is their gut, maybe these people aren't all that trustworthy, or maybe certain behaviors have made them feel the need to snoop. While, yes some people do it just because they are paranoid, a LOT of the time people seem to find something incriminating. Maybe the snooping was justified because in the end it helps them to deal with their relationship will "all the facts"

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I agree with the general sentiment.

 

However, one thing I've learned is that someone who has cheated will deny deny deny until he/she is blue in the face, absent proof. I've seen a lot of people get in situations where they suspect their SO has cheated, confront the SO about it, who lies and says no way and pretends to be shocked by the accusations. The person wants to believe their SO, but it doesn't feel right. I've seen people on here suggests that in that case they should just break up, because there is no trust - but it's awfully hard to end a relationship without proof, especially if you are madly in love. I understand then why some people feel the need to snoop to try and get that proof.

 

A lot of the posters on here have been burned in the past, and snoop out of insecurity and paranoia. But a good portion are just people who feel that they're being lied to, but want to know for sure. I get that.

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I just got out of a long distance relationship with my (ex) fiance. During the couple months we were apart I had nagging instinctual feelings that she was cheating on me. Not that I'd heard anything, just a pattern. Times she couldn't or wouldn't talk to me, who she was with, what she said she was doing and the explanations she would give for certain things. I put all the pieces together in my head and it gave me the feeling that she was cheating. I never accused her, I never "victimized" her. I calmly and lovingly expressed my concerns to her, allowed her to lay them to rest by swearing to me that she wasn't cheating and left it at that. Hear we are a few weeks later. We've broken up and I've come to find out that she cheated on me with three different guys, and she did it in all the places at all the times, and with all the people I had suspected. So don't tell people to mistrust their gut feelings, especially when mine were so spot on I should be a consultant for the FBI. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong its because your subconscious mind has picked up on patterns and details that your conscious mind missed and it trying to tell you that this meal isn't kosher. That doesn't mean you subconscious is always right, it just mean that it has taken the pieces, put them together and compared and contrasted with experiences from the rest of your life and come back with a probability that is correct more often than not. Not to accuse or victimize the OP but your post sounds like you are current or former cheater who has been snooped on and found out, if so shame on you. If not, and you're just someone who was the victim of mistaken circumstances then I'm sorry, but you can't tell a person not to follow their instincts, its like telling a drowning person to ignore their urge to swim to the surface, or a starving man that food is bad for him.

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Well.. In reply to your question, I think that Trust hast to be earnt for the sake of ones peace of mind, not so just given into simply because it'll save your misery and sorrow.

 

One of the more valid reasons for mistrust in the relationship would be that one spouce starts to examine the other spouces behavior as it would start to come off as un-trustworthy for eg.

• Talking to lots of different women or men freely

• Treating his/her social life equivalently to his/her love life

ect..

 

What one spouce makes of all this after examining his/her behavior is that the person under the spot light has shown to be trust worthy or Un-trust worthy for eg. She/He would then asks themselves this ;

 

Dose She/He really understand the concept of trust? and if so done He/She really understands what it means in their Heart?

 

Most answers to question 1 would be yes and 2 would be No,

because its easy to know what trust is but hard for people to mean it.

 

Also Jealously is also a HUGE issue I agree but often misunderstood and a issue that no one really wants to resolve, for eg.

 

Girl gets jealous because Guy is constantly phoning or facebooking a certain girl as well as other different girls in his huge online website friends page

 

Girl shows obvious signs of jealousy but tries to hide it because she has to let the guy speak to his friends who are girls.

 

Guy knowing his Girl pretty well, sees the signs of jealousy and decides Girl is being overly Paranoid. - Problem 1

 

Fact : Most signs of jealously and negative thoughts portrayed by a relationship have a true meaning of devotion and care behind them.

 

Girl wishes the guy would give her clarity for her jealousy - Problem 2

 

P1.See the guy should sense the jealousy and immediately give his girl the emotional clarity she deserves, because its not really about what you say that makes things better, its showing to her that shes worth more than the girls he is chatting to.

 

P2.Holding back and expecting to receive emotional clarity over something like this is a one way street, you do or you dont, and if you dont you bluntly realise that hes passing off your jealousy as paranoia so he can do what he wants, more, because if he did care he'd give you the clarity you need and make sure with you that you know that your worth more than 20 minutes of talking * * * * with a girl just as hot ect.

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I've snooped once and it was with my ex who cheated on me. I've never snooped on any of ex'es or guys I've dated. Never even crossed my mind! Oh and that was how I found out he cheated on me.

 

I agree. If you are extremely trusting and lack jealousy...and something changes in your partner, it's most likely not you.

 

I have acquired all my boyfriend's passwords and him all of mine over the years. It's just something that happens. "Hey will you check my email" here or "can you see what so and so is texting me about?" there.

 

I've never snooped. Never needed to.

But, if after confronting my partner on his behaviour, I still feel like something is wrong, I would.

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