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:-( I think it is easier just to be alone.


kolfan

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OK, call me a fighter. I've had a string of toxic relationships /dates/whatever you want to call them over the past year.

 

Yet, I still kept my hopes up in finding the right guy. I went to meet one from a dating site for a first date last week. I flew down to his hometown and spent one night at a hotel and the rest of the weekend at his. He didn't take me out once, and, to cut a long story short, apart from when we had sex, he pretty much kept his distance from me and made us watch tv all weekend. He has a high powered job and is overworked, also, he hadn't had sex for a year and kept blaming his lack of energy on that! I pretended I was fine with all this, behaving beautifully all weekend, but I really wasn't fine.

 

And, on top of that, I ended up telling him I took anti-depressants, because he saw me taking my medication. Since me coming back, to cut a long story short, he seems EVEN less interested in me since learning that. The other night, I cracked. I accused him of paying less attention to me since we met. He told me that he wasn't brushing me off, he just wanted something a lot lighter, (due to learning about my depression) but he still wants to be in contact with me as he still likes me! I am just not really sure what am I meant to take from that. I'm confused. It seems as though he is fobbing me off, but he still phones me, although texts are few and far between now. I am unsure of whether he is friendzoning me now or what. I wish he would make it a bit more clear.

 

Thanks for listening, any advice appreciated.

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Yikes! Cut your losses and run away. He used you for sex that weekend, and now he might do it again but I think he is wary now that you might be some crazy chick because of the Anti-Depressants. His "keeping it light" most likely means if he is bored and lonely he will call you or text you. I think he is just stringing you along. Bail!

 

Don't worry you will find a good one soon!

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It might be an idea not to get involved sexually with someone so soon. No matter how wonderful a person you are, the vast majority of people out there are not going to be OK long term partners for you, let alone 'the right guy'. But it takes time to find out how two people really click, and it's worth taking that time.

 

If you don't set your hopes too high right from the outset, and keep an eye on what your gut is telling you, the guys who really aren't right will make that perfectly clear quite quickly. And you can then move on without feeling used. Sure, there will be times when you're alone, times when you're casually dating or meeting people just as friends, and then times when you're more committed.

 

I guess one way of looking at it is to make the most of the situation you're in - and being alone does give you the space for self-discovery - and not assume that a relationship is deeper than it actually is. For example, a guy who'd already grown to love and respect you as a person would not be likely to be put off by you taking anti-depressants. With the guy you mention in your original post, I wouldn't concentrate on his feelings for you, but more on your feelings for HIM. Do you really want someone who treats you like this? I agree with the others that he was using you for sex, did not even want to make the effort to go out anywhere nice and has zero respect for you.

 

You're already on a dating site. There are many more opportunities waiting for you - don't waste them for the sake of someone who really isn't worth the effort!

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Yikes! Cut your losses and run away. He used you for sex that weekend, and now he might do it again but I think he is wary now that you might be some crazy chick because of the Anti-Depressants. His "keeping it light" most likely means if he is bored and lonely he will call you or text you. I think he is just stringing you along. Bail!

 

Don't worry you will find a good one soon!

 

totally agree , i think the same

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I'm gonna be really honest but it might help.

 

First date and you flew to his hometown.

You also had sex even though he hardly made an effort to take you out and show you around.

 

Why..? You need to put more value on yourself. I don't know your age, I was so ok with everything when I was in my early 20s.. Don't make too many excuses. Either he should fly to your hometown or you should meet in the middle. And he should suggest you go out, ask you stuff about yourself, your interests.

He won't suggest that on his own, we all want maximum effect minimum effort. You should define the standards.

He had it too easy. I know it's annoying but YOU got hurt in the process, not him. I suggest you hold back more and be more hard to get until you can see it's appropriate to do so. You haven't missed out on anything, he's not a catch but I hope you can see what you can do differently next time.

 

I also wouldn't have mentioned the anti depressants. He doesn't need to know, most likely won't understand.

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He's just told me he we are going too fast, had sex too soon, and that he is worried about me being on anti-depressants, as he has been there before with a previous girlfriend. He says he wants to slow down.....but the way he's saying it just hurts me. I asked if he wants to see me again and he says " Im not sure. I think we should talk more first". Then, I basically came out and asked him to say if he wasn't interested. He said he was interested, but he just wanted to get to know me better.

 

My head aches....

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He's just told me he we are going too fast, had sex too soon, and that he is worried about me being on anti-depressants, as he has been there before with a previous girlfriend. He says we are going too fast, and he wants to slow down.....but the way he's saying it just hurts me. I asked if he wants to see me again and he says " Im not sure. I think we should talk more first". Then, I basically came out and asked him to say if he wasn't interested. He said he was interested, but he just wanted to get to know me better.

 

My head aches....

 

I think he is telling the truth. And I think he does want to see you again. Don't ask him any more questions about if he is interested or not. Just talk about other things. Don't ever bring up the pills (unless he does). I am sorry you are hurting, but I don't think he is ending it. But keep things easy for right now.

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How old are you honey?

 

Ha! 28. I'm normally a lot more articulate than that message would suggest. I had a mild panic attack last night while constructing that post.

 

I'd say I'm not doing too good after that revelation last night. I still don't think him responding "I'm not sure" after my asking him if he wants to see me again is the kindest response. I want to feel giddy, not depressed about the prospect of this relationship.

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i think he used you for sex and i think the whole antidepressant thing is an excuse. take time to get to know these guys before you invest your body/time in them. these guys may be jerks, but you do have to take some responsibility in what you allow into your life.

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i think he used you for sex and i think the whole antidepressant thing is an excuse. take time to get to know these guys before you invest your body/time in them. these guys may be jerks, but you do have to take some responsibility in what you allow into your life.

 

Well, I sent him a message ending things. After seeing that he is not interested in me, I had no choice. If he wanted to maintain my interest, he would have been in touch. Him changing his picture on the dating site tells me he's holding out for someone else, and in the meantime he was happy to string me along.

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you can and will do better than that guy. you just need to take time to get to know people both online and in person before getting physically intimate with them. you'll have a better idea of how they truly feel about you and you'll also have time to see if there are any red flags there (jerk indicators).

 

if they don't stick around because you hold off on sex for a bit, they probably wouldn't have stuck around anyway, and you'll feel much better about the situation because you won't have given your body to them.

 

just take your time and get to know people better.

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I'm sorry that this happened to you Kolfan. Just so you know, we have all been duped at some point in our lives into thinking that a relationship is more than it is. When you like someone you tend to "hope" it into something more than it is. Don't feel bad about it. You will meet someone who does appreciate you and will not be so scared off. Yes, it is easier to be single in some respects but that's not how we're built. Dating is a necessary evil! Just try to have fun with it and not put so much pressure on yourself.

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