She became infatuated VERY quickly

[oscuro]

I met someone online, unexpectedly. I'm always open to making friend and professional contacts. However I've found myself in a different dialog with this girl. She quickly became infatuated with me and I don't know how to feel about that. We haven't met yet. I'm open to meeting her (and will shortly) however I don't understand how someone would become so enamored with me over the internet so quickly. I question whether or not she's just desperate or lonely. However I just may be very cautious and suspicious. I think I feel this way towards anyone who comes on to me quickly.

 

Suggestions on how I should approach this?

[sidehop]

How do you think she became infatuated with you? Did you already have pictures, detailed profiles, etc or was it simply some conversation you had with her?

 

In either case I'd be very wary, who knows if she's going through a rebound stage or have other intentions.

[oscuro]

Well, we've been talking for almost a month now and even a few weeks ago it seemed she became very fond of me. I sense it's a rebound issue. I've tried to communicate that to her but she doesn't seem to agree or listen. Her fiancee left her 8 months ago. It's clear she's still hurt by that. I don't necessarily want to push her away but I can't tell if she's reacting out of any other sense of emotion. Any advice on how to deal with someone who is potentially on the rebound?

[sidehop]

If I was in your situation I would be very careful. Eight months is still sketchy in my personal opinion. We're talking about someone who was engaged, you wouldn't be able to exactly understand the impact that may have caused her.

 

I'm sure she wants someone that she could be close with again but emotionally I don't think she's ready. And only a month, I'm sure you don't know whole a lot about her to really understand why she's acting the way she is. If you are interested in her I would make it clear that you want to take this as slow as possible.

[oscuro]

She denies it. Not strongly but a little bit. Is it appropriate for me to suggest she may still be responding to her ex? I don't know how to effectively make that argument.

[sidehop]

I wouldn't be too concerned about her ex but rather decide if this is someone you want to keep communicating. Of course if you make it clear that if something were to happen between you two and make it clear to her that you want to take the time but if she doesn't understand your stance and become more obsessed and pushy, then it's probably best to leave her. Any relationship that starts out really fast and hot is always a bad sign.

[Theblueman123]

She might just really want your meat

[annie24]

what are the "symptoms" of infatuation? is it just that she seems really excited about meeting you? or is she already planning 9 steps ahead (ie, where you will vacation in august...)

[oscuro]

what are the "symptoms" of infatuation? is it just that she seems really excited about meeting you? or is she already planning 9 steps ahead (ie, where you will vacation in august...)

 

Well let's see. It could just be a personal thing. I don't necessarily respond well when people come on strong to me. She's just stated that she wants to be in a relationship with me even though we haven't met yet and we've only been talking to each for a month. We sort of clicked instantly. I'm generally hesitant towards falling for people very quickly if I can prevent it.

 

I recall these sort of situations as a teenager. I'm surprised to find myself and her, two 20somethings, in a situation like this. I would normally avoid it.

[annie24]

i agree that she's jumping a step ahead seeing as how she hasn't met you yet. i would want to meet a guy first, then decide if i want to be in a relationship with him. it's hard to say because i don't know you or her, so i don't know if she is too much or you are scared of relationships. maybe both? who knows.

 

i guess i would make it clear that you're interested in getting to know her first, and then determine if relationship is possible. vs. vice versa.

[oscuro]

Yeah, I need to address that with her. Better clarify my stance on this. It also probably is a combination of both me and her having our own issues. Thanks.