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Do I give in or is there room for compromising?


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Hey

I wonder whether you can help me decide what a compromise would be in my situation.

I have know my current boyfriend since I was very young but he had another girlfriend so I never really thought of him in an amorous way. When he left her, he asked me out. We have been with each other for 8 years. He lives with his parents, has all his belongings at his parents and works from home some days from his parents' house. On Wednesdays and Friday nights he goes to the men's club to drink with the men in his family and then stays at his parents' house. He only spends Saturday nights to Monday mornings with me and then just Mon, Tues and Thurs over night. I have asked him several times in the past to move in with me but he always gave an excuse (eg my sister needs me to take her children to lessons until April next year. Then April came and the excuse changed. Lately, it has become really important for him to move in with me so we can go and see his parents together rather than me go to 'his' house. He says he is not ready because of what happened with his ex.

Do I need to give in completely?

Are we arguing about something small? Am I nitpicking?

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You probably could have made up your own thread on this one!! Deciding to move in together isn't something that is "compromised" on. Same as getting married, or having kids. Either you both want it, or it doesn't happen.

 

He's not ready yet & you need to accept that. Heck, he already spends "just" saturday-thursday with you. And if the most important reason to move in together has to do with the circumstances of you guys visiting his parents... well, I wouldn't really consider that a very good reason to live together!

 

Just hold off on thoughts of living together for a while. How long have you been together now?

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Hey

We have been together for 8 years.

Being together is not for visiting parents .. I want to make a home with him, I feel safe when he is around.

The really strange thing is that he asks me every day to marry him, when he is with me in the mornings, he goes out however cold it is and gets my car out for me, he cooks for us and puts out candles everywhere, he makes sure I have my favourite yoghurt in the fridge ...

Yet, he is unable to leave his parents' home.

What I meant by the 'visiting the parents..' was that I would like to go to his parents' house as a couple not as me going to visit his parents' house where he lives. By the way, he is 45!

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Hey

We have been together for 8 years.

Being together is not for visiting parents .. I want to make a home with him, I feel safe when he is around.

The really strange thing is that he asks me every day to marry him, when he is with me in the mornings, he goes out however cold it is and gets my car out for me, he cooks for us and puts out candles everywhere, he makes sure I have my favourite yoghurt in the fridge ...

Yet, he is unable to leave his parents' home.

What I meant by the 'visiting the parents..' was that I would like to go to his parents' house as a couple not as me going to visit his parents' house where he lives. By the way, he is 45!

 

Ok then, 8 years together & 45 years old... I would get impatient too!! So what do you say when he asks you to marry him? If you did get married, would you move in together? Normally I'd say the obvious answer is "of course" but that's strange he's still living at home at 45.

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