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I can't eat or sleep... again


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It's nearly 3am here in the UK and I still haven't slept! I only got 2 hours sleep last night too... I am back to not being able to eat or sleep again - why have I gone backwards and not forwards? I almost have a fear of sleep because I know I'll only dream of us and once asleep I wake and the feeling of dread hits me all over again... I just want him asleep next to me yet he'll just be fast asleep over at his parents while I can't even think about sleep... I want him back so much... it's been 4 months since he asked for 'space' and 27 days tomorrow that I have been in NC - it's been LC up to my last contact 27 days ago and as of tomorrow it will be the longest I've not been in touch with him... I miss him SO much!

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4 months?

I really really feel for you. Have you seen your Gp or a psych?

Are you feeling like this more often than not? I am an intern and I think you should definetly seek professional guidance - This doesnt mean there is something wrong with you!

 

I went through a horrible break up 6 months ago and am still getting over it and still have sleepness nights. Nightmares are usually worse when you are stressed. Can you talk to friends and family about this? Have you tried meditating? Its kind of hard at first to get it to work but it does help.

 

Dont look at him on facebook and delete his number from your phone. You are doing a great job with the no-contact xx

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4 months... but only 27 days of NC. It's the NC hump that's hardest to get over... and 27 days is nothing at all. The first 2 weeks you are convincing yourself that you are strong, that you will be fine. By the 3rd week your conviction is wavering. By the 4th week you feel yourself spiral downwards and this is the cold, lonely place we all find ourselves for some time.

 

It's the darkest hour, but it won't be this way forever. The sun will come out again, little by little. You will find yourself slipping back when you feel you've made so much progress moving forwards, but be kind and patient with yourself. It's all part of the process of healing, yep even the loneliness and overwhelming sadness - let yourself feel these emotions. Emotions are not negative, they are all necessary at different times in our lives. Most of us acknowledge what seems to be the duality in life – good and bad, light and darkness, masculine and feminine, active and passive. Maybe there is no real good and bad when it comes to emotion, but rather yin and yang.

 

Keep your chin up. xox

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Hang in there Lucy,

 

You are doing incredibly well at 27 days! I'm at the 14 day point, and I agree it's hell. No appetite, unable to sleep, so you're not alone.

 

I'm in the UK, and was still awake at 3am having thoughts, didn't help I had to get up at 6 for work and it doesn't help that Lucy is the name of my ex either! All I want in the world is her back. And I've started having dreams about her, I dreamt she met my sister, ah well.

 

Now without wanting to sound airy fairy, but have you tried hypnotherapy downloads or CDs? I have a heap of them on my MP3 player, a wide variety of them, and they help no end, very relaxing indeed. I never thought I'd go down this route, as my background is fairly alpha-male ( emergency services ), but it no longer bothers me, I'm a human being after all, and quite a sensitive one it seems.

 

Have you tried either 5-HTP or Melatonin to help you sleep? They can also help with moods as well.

 

Maybe the turning point is just ahead for you?

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I just can't see this getting better. I am reading uncoupling and it's making me feel like there is no hope. I live alone and all as it's the weekend I just feel so alone. I miss him so much. I'm sitting here crying and I bet he's out there just enjoying his new found freedom. Why can't he just tell me it's over for good or communicate with ME! He said we'd talk and he's not been in touch, I don't know what I did wrong so how am I supposed to move on? I just want him to knock on my door so much and I just know it won't happen like it won't happen tomorrow either. I know I won't sleep tonight again, I just feel at rock bottom i want him so much it hurts.

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Don't worry you didn't do anything wrong, this is about HIM not you. He's the one with issues that need to be dealt with. I've gone through it too, I was making progress and feeling good and then bam, I start going backwards again.

 

It will get better though, you just need a pick me up. Got any awesome hobbies that make you feel good that you can do? I find that being busy really helps, just the act of making myself busy is the hard part though. I was thinking of trying out some complicated recipes to get my mind off things because they take a lot of preparation and cooking time, then there's cleanup time after and of course eating it and enjoying that. Maybe you could start up a project that you've always wanted to do but never did because of the time involved, because well you've got tons of time now...

 

I know how it feels when you're going through this and you live alone, and on top of that don't have anything to do on the weekend. It sucks A lot of times I'm just not up to do anything at all either, my friend has to force me to go out and have fun! Doesn't help that my ex has a roommate so he doesn't have to feel alone like this, that really bothers me. He stayed at his parents for a bit then got a roommate - never gone home to an empty place, always with someone to hang out with. Ugh... we will survive though!

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i have been through this too only with my first serious relationship where it was obsession and not love did u look at your relationship objectively to see if it was healthy? your problem might be that you tried too hard and he didn't try at all. and you're mourning too hard too. don't give him that power. he is another person just like you.

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yes, i have been there with no sleep and no appetite. couldnt sleep until 2am and would wake up at 5:30am!your brain is working over time thinking about your relationship. Love is an addiction and you are just suffering from cold turkey and withdrawal symptoms.

 

no quick solution and you just have to be patient and let time be your friend.

 

you can helkp yourself by reading books before going to sleep so your mind in on other things before sleeping. take up hobbies and sports. have somethign planned each day. i joined a gym. lost 26lbs and got fit. i am now into the gym and in good shape. i eat really healthy. also started playing golf .dont spent evenings at home alone. if you like consoles then get a ps3! reconnect with old friends. it is hard but sometimes you have to push yourself. some days you will still feel down and unmotivated

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I just can't see this getting better. I am reading uncoupling and it's making me feel like there is no hope. I live alone and all as it's the weekend I just feel so alone. I miss him so much. I'm sitting here crying and I bet he's out there just enjoying his new found freedom. Why can't he just tell me it's over for good or communicate with ME! He said we'd talk and he's not been in touch, I don't know what I did wrong so how am I supposed to move on? I just want him to knock on my door so much and I just know it won't happen like it won't happen tomorrow either. I know I won't sleep tonight again, I just feel at rock bottom i want him so much it hurts.

 

I completely understand what you are going through. Weekends are the hardest for me as well. For a while I was taking gravol at night to help me sleep. This is the first weekend in months that I haven't cried and have actually been able to fall asleep without taking anything. The difference between us is that I have known for months that the relationship is over whereas you still seem to be holding on to hope. As hard as it will be to do, I think you have to admit to yourself that there probably is no hope (at least right now) and do everything you can to heal and to move forward. I have been seeing a therapist for quite a while now and that is helping me a lot. I also went to see my gp and she prescribed something for me on a temporary basis to help me level out my emotions so I can focus on my recovery.

 

It is painful to go through this but at some point you have to just let go and trust that everything happens for a reason and just pray that you are going through this so that you can grow and have the happy life that you are truly meant to have.

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I had one of those dreams where he came back and he was desperate to start over. I think it was in my subconscious after reading some posts on GBT forum of exs going back, I wish I believed in 'signs' and that it was a sign he was coming back! Fat chance, I'm now JUST into my 2nd month of full NC... I can't believe he's not even called or made any sort of contact since my email asking if it was more space he needed or was it over! The whole thing feels like nightmare but it's now feeling 'normal' which is just as bad because I miss him so much, I do actually think I'm beginning to let go. I know I still want him etc but I really can't see it happening so have been living my life accordingly.

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