ehart Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 My boyfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago.It was pure hell for me. I cried, I begged, I didnt sleep or eat.. the works times10!!! it was awful. I begged and he said no. After a month ago i stopped begging and had no contact for 2 weeks. I had gone on a date with a guy and my ex found out, was sad but took it well. A week later he called me saying he was thinking about us and wants to try again but would never want to tear me and the other guy apart because he did leave and that would be his loss. I said i couldnt believe he was saying this after how sad i was and i said to give me some days. That night i ended up drinking and actually slept with the guy i went on a date with, this is just NOT what i do!! i freaked out and left and a couple days later my ex contacted me and i just had to tell him. He was so upset and i did tell him "you know i didnt cheat" he said he knows but that he is hurt because that day he told me he wanted me back so he felt betrayed and now he says he doesnt know if he can get back together with me!!?? im freaking out because i thought he was never coming back! i was with him for 3 years! i did make a mistake with sleeping with the guy because i have NO feelings for him im in love with my ex!! i think a part of me was upset he called after putting me through that sadness and i wanted to fill a gap and i thought comfort from another guy would do that.. WRONG. im so upset so my ex said he has no idea what to do and to give him time to thnk. Im so impatient im scared he may go out and hook up with a girl to be on the same level?? this sounds unhealtht but what can i do to either help this situation out? i want him back i jist cant stop thinking about how much i regret it it consumes me!! should i go NC and hope for the best? give him space and see? i cant believe im back at the point of begging again?! im trying so hard not to. please help Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 OP - do you not find it amazing that he decided that he wanted you back when another man was on the scene. And now that guy isn't around, neither is he? Sorry, but it sounds like he's playing with your head. Go to NC, take care of yourself. Link to comment
IGlareOften Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Why beg? He dumped you. He hurt you. You wanted him back and he couldn't be bothered. It wasn't until you dated someone else that he wanted you back. Let it be..leave it alone. He's indecisive and that's dangerous. Link to comment
ehart Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 he did mention that he was thinking about us before he found out about the date. It does worry me that maybe he said that because there was another guy in the picture and i did confront him about that. I was crazy loyal to him for 3 years and he got to comfortable with that and threw the break up card around when he wasnt fully serious and i for the first time gave another guy a chance. So what should i do now? obvioulsy not beg that gives him power. I do want him back so what should then?i dont think he is playing with my mind but i do think he got to comfortable with me always being there... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I'm not sure why you felt that you had to tell him, since it was none of his business. After all, he dumped you, and you weren't obligated to explain any part of your life to him. I don't believe that he was thinking about you before you accepted that date, he just wanted to have what he couldn't have at the time. Link to comment
ehart Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 what should i do then? move on? or should i make it obvious that im not always going to be there and go NC and see if he realises that? I told him he has no right to be upset because HE let me go. He says that he understands that but it hurts him because that day he wanted me back and poured his heart out then i slept with him, I explained that i felt like maybe he only said that because a different guy was wanting me and he insisted that wasnt true. Link to comment
Loxxt Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 he did mention that he was thinking about us before he found out about the date. I'm sure he thought about it... but the point is that he never acted on it until after you went on a date. When you told him about you sleeping with the other guy and then started begging you did take a huge step back. You may love the guy but he is messing with your head. You've given him the power. So yes, go NC. Right now he knows you're hanging on his every word waiting for him to say he's okay with you hooking up with someone else and that he'll come back. Give it time. You both need to think clearly before either of you do anything without it being done in the heat of the moment (ie. hooking up, begging, saying things you regret, getting back together prematurely...). Good luck, stay strong and no more sleeping with guys for comfort. Doesn't help, I know you know this now. Learn from it. Link to comment
ehart Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 ok i will go NC starting now. So what do i do if he contacts me saying he is sad or asks me about people? ignore him? i mean i still want us to work so do i just reply with one word answers? or not have any communication unless we want to start over? Link to comment
jaygirl Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Firstly, never again tell anyman that u slept with someone else during a break up. It was not his business and he had no right to know afterall, HE broke up with you. I think u shld give him some space however. Link to comment
ehart Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 Its so hard because i feel like i messed up but at the same time, I know he let me go so i shouldnt feel guilty. Im hoping if we take time apart for a bit we will realise we both want to start fresh. I wrote him an emailing saying that i did nothing wrong because he let me go and that i feel like he got to comfortable and truly thought that i would be just waiting for him which finally bit him in the a**. I told him I dont feel like he has any right to be mad at me because he broke up with me. I said that it would be nice to start fresh but if that does not happen that i am fully prepared for that and that my begging stage is over and i can accept if we dont start over. I left it as that (even though im dying inside wanting to be back together) my plan now is no contact and let him see what he is missing WITHOUT me begging. Link to comment
LifeGoesOn09 Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 I don't believe that he was thinking about you before you accepted that date, he just wanted to have what he couldn't have at the time. I'm a guy and I'm inclined to agree with this as sad and screwed up as it is. Link to comment
ehart Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 what should i do then? just try and move on or do you think he will come back? Link to comment
Loxxt Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 what should i do then? just try and move on or do you think he will come back? As the wise Joe Dirt once said, "Keep on keepin' on". Don't fall into his trap. Keep moving on. If you're what he wants he'll do whatever it takes to get you back but if you hang on, stay in his life it'll maintain the illusion that he doesn't have to work for you and that you'll be there no matter what. Link to comment
TearsofFate Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Yeah he probably did think about getting back with you. Lots of ex's do but for how long? Some wait months, some wait years. Some will think about you and whether to be with you and never act upon it because they think they have you wrapped around their little finger. Let him know what he is missing for sure. Link to comment
ehart Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 I want him to know what he is missing. I was SO good to him I did everything for him. So loyal for 4 years. How do i let him know what he is missing? just not contact him in any way? Link to comment
Saudade Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 I think thats the problem.... being too good to them...Same happened to me , I was so good to him...A week ago when I thought we were getting somewhere(after 1 1/2 together) the guy dumps. He said I deserve better.. He is damn right.!! Link to comment
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