How to break up with a great guy?

[c8lin062]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. He is amazing and he spoils me; he is my best friend. But something isn't right. I feel like I'm losing my physical attraction for him. I don't get the butterflies anymore. I don't know if I should stick it out for longer or break up with him? And how do you break up with a great guy? (I've only dated jerks in the past) HELP!

[LBP]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. He is amazing and he spoils me; he is my best friend. But something isn't right. I feel like I'm losing my physical attraction for him. I don't get the butterflies anymore. I don't know if I should stick it out for longer or break up with him? And how do you break up with a great guy? (I've only dated jerks in the past) HELP!

 

Tell him you're sorry, you think he's a great guy, but it's not going to work out. /shrug. There's no magic formula. Be responsible with his emotions and don't lead him on as a friend if you don't think he can handle it. That won't be fun for anyone.

[snoop]

it seems like you girls like to be treated like crap, when the guy is great and respectful and treats you right you want to dump him...i just dont get it....maybe its all in your head...nothing is perfect, one thing is always missing and thats where you come, its a give and take...talk to him about it, maybe you guys can solve it...

[snoop]

wow same time...

[Zka0954]

OMG! My gf just borke up for me for the exact same reason at the exact same time(6 months) last week! And I spoiled her too! And she was my best friend! Dude this is crazy. She tried to let me down easy by going on a break but the minute I heard she was gonna break up with me I beat her to the chase. I just ended up cutting her out of my life! I say work it out. It's 6 months. Things are gonna start to wear off, but just tell him and he can work on fixing it. I really loved her but she lead me on until the last moment for 2.5 weeks while she was feeling that she didn't love me like that anymore. I never stoped loving her and now we don't even talk. Chances are he does too.

[shessofly]

yearning for the excitement that jerks give, huh? i bet this isn't the first time this guy will have heard this. listen, i used to be a jerk magnet myself. they were exciting, charismatic, handsome, you name it. but in the end my heart always ended up broken. so i met this really nice guy. he's handsome, respectful, honest, sweetest, family oriented guy i've ever met. he seemed too good to be true and at first i wasn't sure what to do with him.

 

it's been almost 5 months and i haven't started having the butterflies until lately. he is growing on me and i feel i'd be a fool to let this guy go because i'm not experiencing the emotional high (YET). long lasting relationships are built around friendship first, not butterflies!

 

butterflies will not always stick around, that is lust a lot of times and doesn't always last. you have a great friendship with him.

 

well anyway, i'm not trying to talk you out of breaking up with him, but be easy, and don't pull the let's be friends line on him. just let him be afterward. tell him he's nice, but not for you at this time. good luck!

[IGlareOften]

it seems like you girls like to be treated like crap, when the guy is great and respectful and treats you right you want to dump him...i just dont get it....maybe its all in your head...nothing is perfect, one thing is always missing and thats where you come, its a give and take...talk to him about it, maybe you guys can solve it...

 

Agreed. It's sickening. You can't rely on "butterflies" They are fluid, at best. There are so many awful people in the world. So many guys who ignore us and beat us...and talk down to us. If you have one who treats you like a queen....don't end it because you don't feel the butterflies. That's BS....and you wouldn't deserve him if that's the case. Just sayin

[snoopydog]

If you truly loved him the physical attraction and "butterflies" wouldn't be a deal-breaker.

 

Even the most beautiful person eventually becomes plain when you've looked at them enough.

 

That's just my personal opinion. Follow your instincts and think carefully.

[captain_james]

I wish more girls took the advice in this thread to heart. The truly nice guys end up getting burned so much. You should really think this over...

[shessofly]

i understand where she' coming from although i wouldn't react the same way. i'm sitting here thinking, is this guy for real?

 

those jerks...they are intoxicating, addictive even. you just don't know how to react when you finally run into a nice guy so some run back to what they've always known.

 

i'm tellin ya, it's been hard not to run away from this guy. he's such a sweetie, it's really hard to explain.

 

let her get her heart broken real good one time by one of those butterfly giving jerks. she'll spend the rest of her life looking for this guy she's about to dump. i guarantee.

[c8lin062]

I wish more girls took the advice in this thread to heart. The truly nice guys end up getting burned so much. You should really think this over...

 

I'm trying REALLY hard not to burn him. I think he's great. Like I said, he's my best friend. But it's not fair to either one of us if the spark is not there for me anymore.

I don't know if I should let things go as they are for the time being, put this out of my mind, and see if things improve? Or would that be leading him on?

[shessofly]

you are looking for an emotional high. emotional highs DO NOT LAST. if you are certain you could never love this guy then by all means, do not stay with him. just be easy on him...guys like this have very fragile hearts!

[shessofly]

i hope you haven't been using the "L" word!

[FathomFear]

I'm trying REALLY hard not to burn him. I think he's great. Like I said, he's my best friend. But it's not fair to either one of us if the spark is not there for me anymore.

I don't know if I should let things go as they are for the time being, put this out of my mind, and see if things improve? Or would that be leading him on?

 

Can you pinpoint exactly why the spark is gone? Is it a lack of physical attraction? Or is more the stage of life you're at? It might be something to analyze before you go too far. Amazing people don't come around very often so you should make sure you're making the right decision before you just let him go.

[c8lin062]

Okay, let me break this down...

 

We dated end of April/beginning of May at the end of our spring semester. Then I left the state for a 6 month internship. We talked everyday on the phone or online, and he came to visit me once.

 

We never 'officially' dated before I left, but then started as bf/gf when I got back in December. It was great being with him again but I didn't have that same physical attraction for him. I thought I might get something of a spark back for him so I didn't end it then. Plus, since January I've been back in school (about 5 hours away from him) so I only see him one weekend each month.

 

I feel like he is really in love with me and its not fair to him or to me if I don't feel the same way. This last time I saw him I didn't even want to kiss him because that seemed weird to me.

 

OH my, i sound like a b***h.

[shessofly]

hmmm...maybe just tell him you think long distance is putting a strain on the relationship and you'd rather not carry on a ldr right now? if that's true also anyway. if you can't even kiss him i'd say you really aren't feeling him.

[HeartGoesOn]

If you're absolutely sure that it won't work, then I agree that you have to do, what you have to do.

 

But, I would first make sure that you understand that in every relationship, the honeymoon period always ends at some point. What follows that, is where you add up all the other qualities, and see the real person, which takes time.

 

I would give this more time, more thought, and look within yourself to understand what you really want.

[No1]

Maybe its not him, but its you. You are so afraid of getting hurt. Maybe you are falling for him and if you continue on, you could fall for this great guy and you are afraid that he will hurt you. So you are coming up with something small and petty to break up with him before he breaks up with you.

Its YOUR insecurities, not his. He is treating you like you are worth it. Do you feel you are not worth it for him? You are looking for any little reason. Quit it. Its how he makes you feel. You feel wonderful, great, beautiful. If you leave him, he will do that to someone else, you will find some jerk in time and you will be on here complaining that you cant find a good guy.

If you can, get professional help for your insecurities. Seems like your issues and not his.

[citymouse]

let her get her heart broken real good one time by one of those butterfly giving jerks. she'll spend the rest of her life looking for this guy she's about to dump. i guarantee.

 

I agree with this... butterflies are over-rated.

 

 

I'm not talking about basic sexual chemistry, which to me is a given and a must-have in a successful relationship.

 

I've had the butterflies and the heartbreak and have no interest in experiencing the butterflies ever again.

[kasperstuntman]

This is exactly what happened to me. I was dating a girl, things were amazing, talked everyday saw each other 4-5 times a week. I treated her like a queen. She would tell me she liked me more than any guy she has ever dated, spent the night in Atlantic city with me, bought me gifts when she was on vacation, constantly told me she missed me, not to mention the sexual stuff, i could go on and on with the stuff she said to me, and amazing times we had. Then two days later she broke up with me out of nowhere. She told me i was a really nice great guy but not for her, i was too sweet, and didnt feel anything the whole time we dated about 6 weeks(why someone would say and do the things she did with no feelings i have no idea). I tend to think she got scared that she was falling for me. She is 23 never had a boyfriend and only dated guys for 1-2 months. Now she wants to be friends with me because I'm such a great guy and she doesn't want me completely out of her life. I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks, and am unsure of what my next move should be. Sometimes I really wonder why i treat women like they deserve to be treated. I just get burned in the end.

[captain_james]

you are looking for an emotional high. emotional highs DO NOT LAST. if you are certain you could never love this guy then by all means, do not stay with him. just be easy on him...guys like this have very fragile hearts!

Yes, we most certainly do.... and we won't understand what we did wrong (yes, we will blame ourselves). It's also incredibly hard if you refuse to talk about it. I won't lie, I went through a VERY rough 3 weeks... 2 weeks of no contact is all that's saved me.

 

Maybe its not him, but its you. You are so afraid of getting hurt. Maybe you are falling for him and if you continue on, you could fall for this great guy and you are afraid that he will hurt you. So you are coming up with something small and petty to break up with him before he breaks up with you.

Its YOUR insecurities, not his. He is treating you like you are worth it. Do you feel you are not worth it for him? You are looking for any little reason. Quit it. Its how he makes you feel. You feel wonderful, great, beautiful. If you leave him, he will do that to someone else, you will find some jerk in time and you will be on here complaining that you cant find a good guy.

If you can, get professional help for your insecurities. Seems like your issues and not his.

 

This is what happened on mine. She scared herself right out of the relationship. I had even saved up a small section of conversation we had where she explicitly stated she was worried she would do what she ended up doing and it didn't matter. Once you've convinced yourself of something... it's very hard to change.

 

OP, you seriously need to consider this. If he is as "great" as you're saying, is it worth giving that up forever? It's worth noting, you may not only lose him as a bf, but as a friend as well. I occasionally talk to my exes, but I refuse to let them dump their emotional drama and stress on me the same as they did in the relationship.

[stu1973]

Yawn!!!!

 

In her final email, my ex described me as a lovely person. Kiss of death. Was my own fault though for behaving like a nice guy! Who'd have thought that manners, consideration, and romance were bad traits in a person? I'll be a bit more of an a-hole next time. And ladies? Don't be mad, it's what you want, you don't want nice!

 

Anyway, whatever you do, don't call him nice or lovely, it's the last thing guys want to hear.

 

Talk to him, or even better, book yourselves a day/weekend away together, not for a cosy one, but something that gets emotions and passions going. Theme park, ski-ing, anything other than a romantic weekend. Maybe if you open up the wild side of him, sparks may fly again.... Please do this before dumping him. You never know, you might be casting your future happiness aside, try all avenues before doing so, regret is a terrible, terrible feeling. I know.

 

Now the harsh bit, and please don't think I'm being mean, I'm being honest.

Please don't come on here in future complaining about your next boyfriend cheating on you, treating you like crap, or anything similar, and definitely don't come on asking where are all the good guys....

[stu1973]

Read the threads here carefully kasperstuntman, this place is the best resource around for this kind of dilemma, I'm 2 weeks into getting dumped by the one I think is my soulmate. You have only 1 course of action. Go completely No Contact and do not be her friend. PM me if you need any more help, although you shouldn't need to it's all here, there are a number of very good reasons for No Contact and not being their friend!

[Ms Darcy]

We never 'officially' dated before I left, but then started as bf/gf when I got back in December. It was great being with him again but I didn't have that same physical attraction for him. I thought I might get something of a spark back for him so I didn't end it then. Plus, since January I've been back in school (about 5 hours away from him) so I only see him one weekend each month.

 

I feel like he is really in love with me and its not fair to him or to me if I don't feel the same way. This last time I saw him I didn't even want to kiss him because that seemed weird to me.

 

Unfortunately, if you do not even want to kiss him, it's best to end it before he feels led on.

 

I think in the long run, you might want to give some consideration to the idea that the nice guy/jerk dichotomy is a false one. The so-called "nice guy" may be lacking in qualities you genuinely desire like confidence, extroversion, spontaneity, etc. The so-called "jerk" may be just be unromantic and not very able to communicate (or understand) his feelings very well.

 

It's not that black and white. You can have a guy who is interested in you, who treats you very well, but it boring as all get out. If you want things to work out with him, then it's crucial for you to communicate to him that one thing you need for him to do is to initiate some spontaneous romance in your relationship. It's not enough to be passive and hope things improve. In the end, if you want a relationship leading to commitment, you need to learn not to categorize people as such, to see the value in who you are with, and to communicate your needs if you want to continue and strengthen the relationship.

 

Then you'll get this guy with the perfect combo: self-confident while respectful, sexual while faithful, mysterious while communicative, and nice while a little edgy. A nice guy with an edge.

[Ms Darcy]

Sorry this happened to you. I have always been a big fan of the take it slow approach. I think you need a couple of months to really get to know someone before you start to invest in them emotionally and physically. When relationship start off quickly with all sorts of declarations, they can burn out just as quickly when the spark wears off. This goes for both women and men.