I did exactly what I shouldn't have... NO CONTACT IS THE WAY TO GO... Say something nice please...

[blahsquared]

Typical schpiel:

 

Even though in this breakup I've comported myself for the most part with dignity, I cracked last Sunday.

 

We broke up a bit more than a month ago after a two-year relationship - he just couldn't commit, to anything. I was just so incredibly low on his priority list that I couldn't take it anymore. So for the past few months I'd ask if he could even imagine a future with us, all he could say was, "I don't know what I want, but I don't want to break up." Things were so strained that he eventually did break up with me, after I (accidentally, but that's how it came out) gave him an ultimatum, because that was the only "fair" thing to do.

 

Fine.

 

I was fine. I really didn't beg, I was fine. Even decided to be amicable, agree to the "friends" route (even though I was aware it was bad advice.)

 

Then it was his birthday, and I had gotten him a gift before the breakup, and wanted to give it to him, and he didn't answer my call, so I kind of freaked out in my head this past Sunday, because that's what us lovelorn rejects do even if we know we're better than that - and I WENT TO HIS HOUSE and dropped it off.

 

And then he thanked me, and then of course (and I had no intention of doing this, it just happened) I got the puppy dog eyes and asked him to tell me again that it was over... and he did... and he looked very cold and detached about it... any love he had for me was just GONE from his eyes... so I gave him a goodbye hug, for closure in my own head (pathetic again, I know) and left.

 

It was humiliating.

 

I hate that I did that.

 

So I went home, and deleted him, his friends and family off my Facebook.

 

I can't believe myself. I'm usually so much more rational.

 

Please tell me that there's hope that I can gain back my self esteem and dignity after pulling such a crazy move. Tell me that the next time I see him - and I will, we live five minutes apart - I will be able to have a backbone and not run away and hide in a corner.

 

Because I'm floundering here.

 

It's amazing how things can tank so tremendously with someone you once trusted.

 

I sound so cliche.

 

Please just say something nice, all-knowing folks of Enotalone.

[Hobbes]

It's hard to be rational with these types of situations. Don't be so hard on yourself, I think a lot of us have done just what you did, it's a human reaction.

 

Seeing the cold eyes, indifference possessing someone you had everything with before is a killer but a catalyst to acceptance and moving on in the long run. Not much fun though I agree.

 

The fb removal is a very positive step, a lot of people still can't do it but you did, so well done.

 

*huggies* lol.

[squirl]

I think what you did was brave, honest and real, and his response showed enough love to be truthful with you.

 

It is over, but your life is not. You will love again.

[Puddincup]

I know you feel bad that you showed him your human side, but it's ok. He is the one who is reacting badly. He could have at least shown some empathy or sadness for what he lost.

 

You can't go back and change how you reacted. All you can do is move forward. Just think about how lucky the next guy will be to have you. Yes you feel like you lost him, but he lost you too. He did not get off scottfree. Unless he's a robot, he will have feelings of loss and will suffer, now or whenever he decides to deal with it.

 

Cut yourself some slack and be nice to yourself. You deserve gentleness from yourself now, not criticism.

[tg31]

Are you kidding me? You didn't lose any humility or dignity or backbone...AT ALL!! You don't have anything to feel sorry for, except maybe him. Understand this if you can't understand anything else: Some people, like yourself, have the ability to love more than others. You may not want to hear this or more so believe it, but you're gonna look back and laugh at this one day!! I can assure you of this to: DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN! One more time: DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN! Whether you're hoping that you have another chance or you definitely want him out of your life that's the only thing you can do. And I know you said he was cold and saw no love in his eyes but that's just one point in time. That doesn't mean your any less of a person. As humans, we tend to validate ourselves through other people. Nobody can validate you but yourself. Nobody. I'm excited for you. You're gonna come out of this a much better, stronger, smarter and more loving person than you were before. I'd say hang in there, or hugs and kisses, or whatever other cliche is out there, but you don't need that. You need to right now, not tomorrow or a month from now, validate yourself through you! As soon as you do that, no one is gonna affect your emotional state dawg! No one. I'm excited for you!! Go ahead and start your new life by finding yourself.....now, do it now!!

[mgirl]

I think what you did was brave, honest and real

 

Agreed.

 

I don't perceive that you lost your dignity at all!

 

As one other person said, it feels like you lost him right now, but he's also lost you.

 

At least you are free now to go and find somebody who wants to commit to you.

 

I LOVE your username btw - "blahsquared"... can so relate to that

[jbrooklyn]

You handled yourself like a lady and there is nothing wrong with what you did. EVERYBODY cant just turn off their feelings like a water faucet.

 

Going forward...leave him alone and I mean....leave him alone. OR...OR..OR...expect more pain, more disappointment, more humilating circumstances. Do yourself a favor and cut him off.

 

I tell you what happen to me. I was taking his calls and be available when HE wanted me to talk to him. He was nice and stuff...not mean at all. THEN one day, I called him and he out the blue just stop talking to me. NO explanation..just gone....very very painful. But guess what, he isnt my man so what could I say. Nothing. But it cut like a knife.

 

Just move on. We all know how you feel...but just try to let him be please

[spartan211]

Don't beat yourself up over this... you showed an amazing amount of class and you will have the poise to face him in the future... you know it's funny, but all our experiences and paths are different that lead us to that common emotion we all abhor... heartache; but I take solace in the fact that even though we are all from different backgrounds, etc. we can come together and support perfect strangers who are experiencing this pain with us. Let as also be reminded though, that we all have experienced the other end of the spectrum... love... and it will be found again... have hope...

[blahsquared]

Thank you so much, you guys.... your responses definitely made me tear up, but they hit the spot. I've been really down on myself, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what he thinks of me - it matters what I think of me. And even if he didn't, I tried my damnedest, and if that wasn't good enough for him - then he's definitely not the person for me.

 

Now I just need to repeat that mantra over and over to myself until I completely believe it.

[PandaEyes]

I can totally relate to your situation.

 

My boyfriend and I broke up nearly 6 months ago , by the sounds of it for really similar reasons and in a VERY similar way. We are both 22 and had been together 3 years and he also could not make any long lasting commitments and I always felt alone and very low in his priorities. I told him i wanted to break up and he was upset and said we could fix it - 2 days later he changed his mind.

 

About a month after we broke up I saw him and I was devestated. I asked for a hug - and got one - but it was so horrible and cold and like being touched by a complete stranger. the love that I thought/hoped might still be there, had 100% gone. it hurt so much. He was really cold and said some really cruel things - we have only spoken once since then.

 

I dont think what you did was wrong. Deleting him of FB is a really good/brave move. I did the same after about 1 month after, the hardest part after that is just trying not to obsessively look at it, or if they change it to private..... asking your friends to look at it for you ahaha.

 

I am not going to lie it has been really hard, at times, but the amount of bad days i have is way less than good and it has gotten easier. I hope this helps. I really need alot of support so let me know if you do too.

[Rob1000]

You're a wonderfully loving open hearted human being. You put your heart on your sleeve and were brave enough to let him see how you felt. You were honest about everything you did. You told him you loved him all the time during the 2 years together and you probably told him that you always would. Don't beat yourself up for being yourself.

[AutumnBorn]

We've all done something similar. It's human.

 

Do you know what brings us pain? Struggle against change, but life is a series of changes. Some of them will at first appear to be negative and our first instinct is to fight against it. It's only in hindsight that we can see that those "negative" changes are actually positive forces in our lives. What was initially painful can lead to great joy and happiness. After awhile, you'll learn to look forward to more change, anticipate the signs, embrace them, get excited at the prospect.

 

This isn't the end. It's the beginning of something new.

[blahsquared]

Ugh. I need an ex-orcism.

 

I mentioned that last weekend I defriended him, and all his family and friends from Facebook.

 

I've checked his profile anyway twice since then. First time, he had deleted half of our remaining mutual friends, but left a couple who are still definitely mine - and my sister.

 

I checked again today and he deleted my sister.

 

It's so over. He told me to my face it's over. Our remaining mutual contacts are dwindling.

 

I still want him back. Or at the very least, to want me back. Ego problems, eh?

 

No contact. Yes. But thanks, you guys, for being so awesome.

[Lifes4Living]

I remember begging the first time my ex broke up with me. I said I was a fool, id change, I would make the effort needed and I was the sole reason for everything bad.

 

We have all been there. I turned into some crazy needy person and I would of jumped off the top of a cliff to get her back.

 

Just move forward with your head high and learn from this lesson.