I have a question...what do you guys think.

[GenoGeno]

I've taken the NC way but I know she will contact me withing a few days most likely just to see how I am...I've been reading a lot and everyone says not to respond back to her unless she's wanting to fix things. Now that may be a problem because her whole problem with me was never caring enough....so if i don't respond she'll just think....well look...he's proving me right...so I don't know how to go about this...Would you guys respond?

[justletgo07]

If your goal is to get back together with your ex, and you think you still have a shot at doing so, then I would say NC might not be your best option, especially if your problem was showing you don't care. NC is to help you let go and move on.

 

Have you talked to her about whether getting back together might be possible?

[abitbroken]

I think folks can't really answer this fairly unless they read the other post you made first

 

 

[GenoGeno]

Yeah thanks abitbroken.

But yeah possibilities are there, i just see them as almost non-extant. And don't want to put myself through the pain of waiting for something that's never going to happen.

[abitbroken]

If your goal is to get back together with your ex, and you think you still have a shot at doing so, then I would say NC might not be your best option, especially if your problem was showing you don't care. NC is to help you let go and move on.

 

Have you talked to her about whether getting back together might be possible?

 

I wouldn't talk to her about getting back together at all, but otherwise I agree.Don't talk about "the relationship" at all because that adds pressure on her. But do not sit by the phone. In fact, take hours or a better yet a day to get back to you so you are collected and not begging. I would also not initiate phone calls and don't make her any promises. NC and focusing on your own healing may be for the best, but if you choose to - keep it LC. NC is not always for the purpose of getting back together but for personal healing.

 

As far as not accepting contact until she wants to fix things - since your behavior was causing the breakup - then that is kinda sticky. I'll have to think about that. I say just focus on school, work, etc, and don't think about her which is easier said than done.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah maybe i'll just do what you said keep it kind of low and don't act to eager to respond to anything she sends. It just sucks when the whole time you had the most love for someone but they never saw it.

[Trying_to_heal]

I think if she contacts you then you should respond. Your right, if you where a jerk and she did nothing wrong to you then you need to respond and let her know that you love her and your working on yourself now so later she might give you another chance. I think if you really love her like you say you do you should express that to her and actually make an effort to be better. If anything you should be the one to call her in a few days to make sure shes doing okay. If she's the only one that initiates contact with you then your proving her point that you really don't care.

[stu1973]

Ok, here's my take on things,

 

No more telling her how much you care, or love her, or need her. You need to SHOW her you do, and not by material gifts either. And certainly don't tell her you'll change, just change, and let her see it for herself. Actions not words.

 

My situation is similar in that she didn't realise how much I felt for her, as ( for some bizarre reason ) I was playing it cool and she saw this as lack of interest. She now knows how I feel, but it's too late, she says we missed it. So don't you miss it too. You have a chance, the door is still open for you, take the chance.

 

In my opinion it's time for a final roll of the dice. Either you can sit on the fence, and hope she thinks you've changed and comes back. Or demonstrate your feelings and show you've changed. Some kind of grand gesture. You either win or lose big time, but at least she'll know how you feel. If it doesn't work, go strict NC and move on, safe in the knowledge you tried. I was always planning to book a hotel and ski-ing up north, put all the documentation in a card and post it to her, to my eternal regret, I just planned to do it, I didn't actually do it. I would give anything, anything to have the chance to do that now. Why not try it?

 

My final attempt at a grand gesture failed, but I'm glad I nailed my colours to the mast to let her decide. I told her she was the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, and I didn't want to lose her. I couldn't have lived with myself if she left me for good, still thinking I was indifferent about our relationship.

[abitbroken]

But he has to do some healing first. She sort of asked for space. And he can't change in one day like an on/off switch. he needs to ensure on his end that they are not going to fall into the same old pattern if they get back together. Buying gifts doesn't equal being kind and considerate.

[stu1973]

abitbroken,

 

I specifically said not to buy material gifts, what he needs to do is DEMONSTRATE his feelings, passion and committment. To build positive experiences with her.

 

And he said he expects her to get in touch in the next few days to see how he is. Again, if he's waiting to hear from her, he doesn't give out the signal he wants her, and her problem is he never showed it before. I think he has to be bold, and if this doesn't work, give her space to decide, once she has his feelings clearly laid out.