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I am so down all of the time thinking about all of this. I try not to, but the memories are always triggered and I have a hard time letting go. It has been 6 months since I knew that she was over me, but 4 months since I really knew and stopped being strung along. I have been NC for 2 months with her. She is with another guy and has been for that entire 6 months...even earlier than that.

 

I almost called her and texted her yesterday because I missed her, but didn't. I didn't know how she felt, and still really don't. I stupidly checked some messages from her to him, and it brought me back to reality....she really is completely over me. I just don't understand it. I know that I caused a majority of the problems in the relationship, and it was 50/50 in that it didn't work between us. I still tend to blame myself for everything though, and have a hard time forgiving myself.

 

The truth is though that I still love her and want to be with her. I know I can't though. What really bothers me is that even after all of the past and her recent actions, I would still give her a chance. She though, still hasn't forgiven me for all of that, and didn't give me a chance. I just thought it would take more than 2 months or so to completely be moved on from me and start dating again. I really thought though that if she loved me like I thought she did, and as I do with her, she would still want me in her life and try to make us work, even though time has passed.

 

I know I left out some timelines and such, but it really doesn't matter anymore, and didn't for a long time. I just want to get over all of this, and her, and move on with my life! I just don't know what else I can do that I haven't already tried doing.

 

One other thing...I often look for similar stories to mine in the hopes that I guess I would see how things are progressing. I also tend to look for any posts that would be from her, but I know that there is a 100% chance of that never happening. I just hate all of this!

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Like I said, it was stupid of me and I only have done it once. On a positive note I guess, it firmly put it my mind that any contact from me would be bad, and it stopped me from doing it. Everytime I do have contact from her, I end up in a really bad place with myself, and it is so hard for me to recover from. I really don't want to contact her now, but there is always still a part of me that would just let her back in...if you know what I mean.

 

We were together for 2 years, engaged and planning to have been married. I guess you could say that I was the one who broke it off, because things were broken. I later tried to get back together, and we saw each other, but she wasn't into it fully and was still holding grudges. I thought that it was going ok at the time though. I deployed, and while it was ok in the beginning, she started to see him more and more, and while out there, I found out from her that it was serious. Thats when I first really did soul searching and lost it. I was only gone for like 1.5 months. I found out a few months ago from her that during that time, she was "lonely", and thats why she was dating him. I have been deployed before while we were together, so its not anything new. It just amazes me the type of person she really is.

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I feel your pain dude...I am going through the same issues, been NC for 5 weeks...good memories keep coming back everytime, bad ones too...you keep asking questions "what ifs" and all sort of things...but I guess if she dated someone then its not worth wasting your time on it...i was engaged too...engagement feels much worse than just GF BF when its broken...

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Same thing man 3 months and the game is still on...yesterday i had a really good day, now i feel terrible... dont worry man it is a rollercoaster and its gonna take some time but we would shake out of it.

Stay strong my brother, we will make it.

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Yea the what-if's always pop in my head. I don't want to waste my time thinking about that stuff anymore, but it is so hard not to. It was my first real relationship...I have no doubt there will be others, but I don't want to be comparing every new person to her, as I have been doing thus far. I just don't feel anything for these new girls either as I did for her, which makes me doubt that I will ever get over her.

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I'm in a similar situation as you bro. Just keep your head up and be strong. And don't blame yourself. I know it's hard to hear, but it's something I keep telling myself... but if she isn't losing sleep over me, then why would I want to be agonizing over someone who has clearly moved on. It is probably good that things ended as well (from what I have read about your situation), because if you would have gotten married, who knows what could've happened. Or, if you're an eternal optimist, maybe she will learn that you were/are the one and will change those things about herself; but in the meantime, just focus on yourself, NC, and cherish the company of those around you... those who really and truly care. Good luck....

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after the break up you will feel kind of numb toward girls...you may forget about your ex while you are having fun and chatting with the girls at the bar but as soon as you are by yourself you feel lonely and sad...and start thinking about your ex...thats why its important to spend sometime alone, get your mind straight...you will miss her...a lot...but time will help...ive gone 5 weeks NC and I still think about her every day, but less frequently per day and i guess with time it will be less days per week...as spartan said, at least we found out before getting married......thats what i tell myself all the time...i must be blessed to have found out about her cheating few months before getting married...

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I found out a few months ago from her that during that time, she was "lonely", and thats why she was dating him.

 

This really stuck out to me.

 

Think long and hard why you'd be with someone... Because they make you feel special? You love spending time with them? They are your better half? You feel at ease? They respect you and you work together?

 

Her reason was that she was lonely and that just wreaks of desperation. She may have developed feelings for this guy over the past 6 months but how it started and her reasoning is unhealthy. I wouldn't worry too much about if she's really over you or how well their relationship might be. At this point it's anyone's guess as I'm sure you know. It's easy to hang on and think they won't last which makes us feel better, on the other hand when we wonder how happy they are and if they're over us it hurts. This thinking doesn't help in any way. Whether or not they are happy doesn't negate the fact that we have no idea what they're truly thinking or feeling and have no clue whether or not they will be back in our lives.

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Yea the what-if's always pop in my head. I don't want to waste my time thinking about that stuff anymore, but it is so hard not to. It was my first real relationship...I have no doubt there will be others, but I don't want to be comparing every new person to her, as I have been doing thus far. I just don't feel anything for these new girls either as I did for her, which makes me doubt that I will ever get over her.

 

I feel ya. My ex left me after almost 4 years for a girl he knew for a few days saying "I can talk to her about anything like she's my best friend". When I asked what he said they talked about he said friends, family, hobbies, art, etc. It was a pretty lame excuse. It was my first real relationship too. I went out a couple weeks ago with a guy and I can say I didn't feel anything for him. I find it hard to think of other guys right now in term of dating material. I can't help compare guys to my ex, like you've been doing too. It's to be expected though! Like you, this was my first real relationship and probably like me, you invested everything into it and believed she was the one. It's hard to go from that thinking to thinking they were just one of many, not the one. I think it's also a force of habit. They were your partner and best friend. It's hard not to compare especially when you really want them back. In my case, I'm not sure I want him back. Aside from the huge betrayal, I've come to realize I was taken for granted and he was more of a child than a man. That being said, it does help to consider their negative traits. It not only helps you somewhat get over them but it really puts the relationship into perspective. You'll only hang onto her as long as you let yourself.

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Thanks for all the replies. I am slowly moving on and starting to accept it all. I am seeing all the negatives about her now, and realize that she leaves certain things to be desired about her character. She doesn't know what she wants, and frankly never did. I was not priority one in her life, as I should have been. I have a friend that I talk to alot now about this, and she has been helping me get through this as well. I am seeing that I have programmed in my mind to blame myself for everything that went wrong, instead of it being 50/50.

 

It is difficult to start over like this, but I do know that in the end its for the best. I will meet someone one day that can offer more, and that will love me as I would with her. I am just trying to get through this, like all of you. Your right though Loxxt, it is hard to go from thinking that they were the one, to just one of many. I do know though that if she was "the one", then none of this would have even happened....its just hard to accept that she isn't.

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