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Were you ever really taught to ask out girls or even socialise?


dr_styles

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Just a thought today, particular for the guys like me who can barely manage getting a new date - in other words meeting and asking someone out. Were you ever taught/shown? Where did you learn how to do it? (even if it's from eNA)

 

I was never taught by family, infact I've never seen them do anything romantic, clearly very anti-PDA. Never taught/joked/mocked by friends because I didn't have many friends outside of the school hours because of the parents and upbringing. Where did I learn all my romantic concepts?

Movies - which don't count because the nice guy never even needs to ask the girl out ...

Internet - eNA, other forums, Google? Advice video clips?

And all this after the golden meeting days of school and uni ](*,)

 

This isn't about how (I mostly do now, too little too late) but whether there's a pattern here or not.

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I've been meaning to ask almost this same question on here for a while.

 

I was never shown how. Never encouraged to be interested in girls. Never given any advice about how relationships work or how to be with a girl. And I'm pretty mad about it.

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Was never taught to ask them out. My penis had a talk with me and we decide that we should work together and ask women out and socialize.

 

LOL. Do anyone's parents teach them how to date or be in a relationship? I have never heard of any that did. Rather, like guynextdoor, you realize it is something you want, observe the world around you and go for it.

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I guess what I mean is that I was never encouraged to date or go out. Instead I was made to feel embarrassed if I liked a girl, which started when I was 7. Now, more than 20 years later, I've never been in a real relationship.

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This was/is the purpose behind school dances. Learn to socialize with the contradictory sex, er, opposite sex. =p You have to get up the nerve and ask a girl/boy to dance, etc. Supposed to teach you how to ask for dates and such. And nope, I was not taught anything by family.

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It ain't rocket science.

 

Quoted for truth. It's not always the case of course but I think for some people, they over think it. It's not the end of the world, you don't have a limited number of chances, and you get pretty much your entire to life to keep trying the dating game if you end up in that position so it's not like you have a time frame to worry about. But people stress about this - the people who get dates are the ones who don't put that much worry into it. They just let things happen naturally.

 

Unfortunately, it's yet another thing that's easy if you do it naturally, but hard to do if you've spent years living under the mentality of 'it's too hard, I can't do it'.

 

I read one hell of a lot when I was young. I had crushes, I observed my friends and other children around me and how they went about romance, and eventually you just pick stuff up. I think the amount I read helped me a lot though - I was reading books like Gone With The Wind from age 11. The more of an education in 'the world' you have, the better you're going to do. I like observing people. I like these forums because they tell me yet more about how people think. If you have the patience to sit down and watch the world that doesn't include you, you can learn a lot.

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Good points.

 

It's just a matter of paying attention to others and loving yourself enough to where meeting women is just one aspect of your life, not this heavy burden that seems to eclipse everything else in your life. I've gone out with women that didn't go beyond the first date, but you just learn to shrug it off and move on.

 

Asking someone out is just a casual invitation to spend time with that person on another day at a different time. How would you ask anyone to hang with you one-on-one? Whether it's a same-sex friend or an opposite sex date, you ask the same question. I know it's an overstated phrase, but you have to be yourself. How do you ask a particular friend to get lunch with you? It's really no different than asking someone out on a date. I think it's easy to think that asking someone out involves some secret, or special question, when really, you're just asking if that person would like to spend some time with you. But when you get caught up in dating methods and rules and this and that, you forget about being yourself and just asking something straight up as you are.

 

Spend time with friends who have had success with women and dating. Pay attention, observe. You can learn a lot by just watching how others behave. You do it enough and some of those behaviors will become you.

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Nice clarification. I guess it would be weird to be taught how to date by parents. But siblings would be quite normal but as you might be able to guess I got nothing from them either since they were brought up in that same social-secretive environment. I do have a couple of friends where the parents are involved, in a good way (continued below)

 

I guess what I mean is that I was never encouraged to date or go out. Instead I was made to feel embarrassed if I liked a girl, which started when I was 7. Now, more than 20 years later, I've never been in a real relationship.

 

This is more what I meant; encouragement. It felt "wrong" to mention anything about liking a girl to them. And being very non-social parents like I said, didn't have very close friends to talk about it with either.

And yes these days now that I'm rebuilding some sort of social circle, I've learnt stuff from friends too, finally. Can talk about it to a few close friends. But that whole missed-opportunity thing just kills me.

 

This was/is the purpose behind school dances. Learn to socialize with the contradictory sex, er, opposite sex. =p You have to get up the nerve and ask a girl/boy to dance, etc. Supposed to teach you how to ask for dates and such. And nope, I was not taught anything by family.

 

Never thought about the school dance/proms like that. Needless to say I wasn't encouraged to go by parents. That's a killing point there too btw; my school friends offered to set me up but "nooo", it was wrong to go. yep that was unbelievable me back then ](*,) . I'm going to stick my neck out a bit here and say parental defiance was (still is) has motivated me a lot. I will have friends/social life, I will go wherever I want, I will show PDA (if I ever get to that stage) because I want to even if they hate it.

 

No. It's not something that needs to be taught, rather it's something you learn by observation or by simply you know, asking them out. It ain't rocket science.

 

I disagree you can learn by observation unless you're out bars or clubs. You observe lots of couples already, but I've never observed anyone being asked out in a regular daytime environment and I wouldn't want to do that anyway.

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