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JUST Found Out The Ex Has Someone New - Why Am I Upset? Please Offer Some Wisdom Here!


ANewMe

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Hello Everyone.

 

I just found out that my exboyfriend has a new girlfriend. Short story on our history: He was supremely in the Grass is Greener mindset, found someone after a year of our 'good thing', left me suddenly 2 months ago only to have this girl he wa sconvinced was so much better than me not work out at all. Like it lasted maybe two weeks. He did a lot of showing up where I was, insignificant texts, trying to hang out with my friends...all stupid immature actions that left me unimpressed and even more determined to stay strictly NC and move on. I never gave him any reason to think I still cared. I even managed to meet someone completely wonderful and am taking my time getting to know him and enjoying this happy new romance. My ex is fully aware that I am now dating someone and knows through people that I am happy and over him.

 

So what's the problem, right?

 

Well, this exboyfriend of mine moved on to someone new and it hit me like a train when I just now found out. Why? Why should I care? Has anyone else experienced this out of the blue heartache feeling? I feel like I have moved on but suddenly I feel like I'm being catapulted back to square one over this ex who I spent a majority of my time with being quite unhappy. Which makes me feel hurt. He in no way deserves any happiness as far as I'm concerned...which makes me angry.

 

What's going on with me? Can anyone relate who has been through this? I would greatly appreciate your thoughts!:sad:

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He in no way deserves any happiness as far as I'm concerned...which makes me angry

sounds like you have some serious resentment towards him. that will only hurt you. as for sudden heartache... i have no experience in that department. my ex also left me for someone else and lied about it for 6-7 months. i had to slowly find out through fbook and friends. 5.5 wks ago i told her not to contact me anymore. 2 wks after i do so pics float up on fbook of them together. i had to sit and watch this relationship develop while we were still together and got yelled at for even mentioning that i was suspicious. i hold no grudges with my ex. i hope she is happy. i still love her, but i am heartachingly dissapointed with how she treated me. i'll never fully understand how she could do what she did. as for hoping that her and the guy she left me for fail??? i still haven't gotten over that one. I hope they fail miserably , but unfortunately, it looks like the have been doing well together and are in so much love. BS! i've learned though, its totally out of my control. if i gear my happiness based on their success then thats just russian roulette (although it would be karma winking at me if they FAIL). from the bottom of my heart i hope she is happy, and yes i'm still devastated we aren't together.

 

maybe your ex already got what was coming to him. you have no idea how hard it might have been on him when he realized he lost you over stupidity. he had to learn a valuable lesson. why not let him be happy now that he's paid the price??? after all, you didn't want to be with him anymore after his stunt. should he rot in hell?

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So... let me make sure I've got this right. Your boyfriend never cheated on you, or mistreated you. He simply told you he wanted to be single. That somehow entitles him never to be happy again because he did what was best for him (and really you, clearly, since you've met a great guy now.)

 

You're not happy because you reap what you sow. Wishing anyone ill will, especially with someone who didn't do you wrong, of course, you'll end up unhappy.

 

And no, him leaving you wasn't him doing you wrong. He was doing what was best for him.

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No matter how certain we are about the split, no matter how relieved we are to be out of the relationship, all the rest ... I'm not sure anyone likes that feeling of being REPLACED. It sucks.

 

But it gets better, and there will come a time when it really feels like a lucky escape!

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So... let me make sure I've got this right. Your boyfriend never cheated on you, or mistreated you. He simply told you he wanted to be single. That somehow entitles him never to be happy again because he did what was best for him (and really you, clearly, since you've met a great guy now.)

 

You're not happy because you reap what you sow. Wishing anyone ill will, especially with someone who didn't do you wrong, of course, you'll end up unhappy.

 

And no, him leaving you wasn't him doing you wrong. He was doing what was best for him.

 

Ok, although I appreciate the response, I have to ask you if you are even responding to my post? Because I don't see where I said I wished him "ill will," or that he never mistreated me. All I did say, was that I do not think he deserves to be happy and THAT owes more to his character, treatment of people in general and maturity level (because I do know him, believe me and never wore rose-colored glasses with him) than how he behaved in our relationship. And I'm not sure sure where you get the part that him leaving me is something that I interpreted as him doing me 'wrong'??? He never told me he wanted to be single. He had the Grass is Greener syndrome. There's a ton of posts on throughout this site on that and it explains absolutely perfectly what happened between us.

 

You know, I am human and humans do have complicated emotional responses that we don't always understand. This is one of those times. I'm just trying to figure myself out. Thanks ~

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No matter how certain we are about the split, no matter how relieved we are to be out of the relationship, all the rest ... I'm not sure anyone likes that feeling of being REPLACED. It sucks.

 

But it gets better, and there will come a time when it really feels like a lucky escape!

 

Thanks! I'm actually doing well despite this temporary bolt from the blue. I feel I've already gotten lucky because - and I am treading carefully and slowly - the man I am seeing now has actually reminded that there are truly decent, awesome men out there and I am not doomed to be with guys like my ex. True, no one likes to be replaced. But on the other hand, the ex got replaced too.

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You hit the proverbial nail on the head by saying I have resentment. I already has much hidden anger that I will always regret not expressing before we split. The way he broke up just added to it. Maybe finding out he's got a new girl brought that anger up to the surface and that disappoints me because I thought I had dealt with that already. I guess I have to still work on that.

 

I'm sorry you had the experience you did. Although I must say you seem quite well-adjusted to it and already moving on. Good for you! And I love the "karma winking at me" comment. Maybe that's what I am waiting for too! Thanks for being so understanding.

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Here we go again...an update.

 

Last night at work-related function that I worked with mutual friends of my exbf and I, I saw the ex. I ignored him, mostly because I was busy working and talking to people. But he just kept coming up to my booth. 3 times over. I was told he was looking at me, but I played it cool. Later, when we were taking down our exhibit getting ready to leave, the ex lingered around again and pathetically tried to be part of our fun - and we were having a good time as the ex was just standing there watching. The ex even went so far as to ask where we all were going, clearly thinking he was going along too. Of course, we ditched him and never showed where one of our friends said we would be.

 

I have done nothing but move on and done NC since the split and this is like the 4th or 5th time he's tried to ingratiate himself into whatever I'm doing. Why is he doing this? Does he really think it's all 'let's let bygones be bygones' and we're just going to now morph into friends?? Or does he still have a thing for me?? Better yet, why do I even care at this point?

 

Today, I checked out the ex's FB page and he's declared himself as being "in a relationship." Hmmm...

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