How would you act on this situation?

[toltec]

I met this guy more than 2 years ago, when I was on a holiday. And we clicked on right from the beginning and I fall for him.

Then something happened when he was falling in love with me. There was a lack of respect on his side and even if I know that this situation was provoked by somebody else to try to make us split, we also had a choice how to react to the events.

I put up with his behaviour and after a chat I forgave him too quickly as I was leaving…, but by doing so, I was validating a bad behaviour.

And I don’t know how once the boundaries have been crossed can be built again.

Since then we have been in a distance relationship and also we have seen each other.

He put a lot of effort on us, but after a while, he stopped being consistent, sometimes I don’t hear from him, which I think it is a big lack of respect.

I also think that he had met other women meanwhile, because he is a very good looking man.

The thing is a few weeks ago, he wrote various emails asking me to forgive him, that he was really sorry for not having contact me, and that he wanted to make anything to fix things between us to rebuild the trust.

And then again, for some days I didn’t have news from him.

And then I received a silly email telling me how much he misses me blah blah..., but when I read it, it made me very angry and sad, because I don’t feel that anything on the email comes from the heart...

He was supposed to be fixing our problems.

If I didn’t love him I’d no contact him again.

But I love him so I don’t know what to do.

I haven’t written back to him and I haven’t had more news from him either, since Tuesday.

 

I just feel that the love has been so damaged, but I can’t let it go….

 

I feel so frustrated...

 

In a normal relationship you can just leave, but when you can't see the other person...

[ToF]

In a normal relationship you can just leave, but when you can't see the other person...

 

Finish this sentence. Why can't you leave him? You definitely should.

[KG]

He sounds like a yo-yo. Up one minute, down the next. There really should be some consistency in a relationship for it to work.

[toltec]

I can't leave him, because I love him, and when I have tried to leave him we have talked and made me give him another chance... but then again things go bad again.... living in constant state of anxiety....

How can I leave him? should I give him any explanation? or just disappear? Should I try my last chance to talk to him...

It is obvious that no matter how much I love him I must love myself first.

[ToF]

You're absolutely right about loving yourself first! You don't deserve to live in a constant state of anxiety, and he does not deserve to keep you.

 

If I were you, I'd just move on. Tell him it's over and DON'T talk to him again. You don't want him trying to talk you out of it again..

[toltec]

Finish this sentence. Why can't you leave him? You definitely should.

 

I mean like in a normal relationship you can easily test the reaction of the other person if you pull back and you get away from him. It is possible to make a change from being close to be far away.

In a long distance relationship, you are already away and you don't even know what is really happening.... It is not possible a change of "behaviour"

[toltec]

You're absolutely right about loving yourself first! You don't deserve to live in a constant state of anxiety, and he does not deserve to keep you.

 

If I were you, I'd just move on. Tell him it's over and DON'T talk to him again. You don't want him trying to talk you out of it again..

 

Thanks for your opinion, it is easier said than done, when feelings are not involved it is easy to make decisions, when the heart is there....

We just want the good moments back...

[ToF]

Well it sounds like you're not going to take my advice seriously at all.

 

I want to ask, what kind of advice were you looking for? This guy doesn't care about you enough to even talk to you. What do you HONESTLY think is going to happen?

[toltec]

Well it sounds like you're not going to take my advice seriously at all.

 

I want to ask, what kind of advice were you looking for? This guy doesn't care about you enough to even talk to you. What do you HONESTLY think is going to happen?

 

Should I send him an email saying only: It's over

 

And never ever again to repy to him???

[ToF]

Should I send him an email saying only: It's over

 

And never ever again to repy to him???

 

If you decide to break up with him, then that's the way I would do it. You can explain your reasoning to him, but don't allow him to change your mind.

[mikem]

Get out...Had a similiar LDR happen to me. These types aren't worth your time. What you are experiencing is just some 'fruit' of the root of who they really are. These types are poison. Get out quickly...

[Cant_Sleep]

having a simlar battle myself and now finding , im say sorry for things .. i dont need to be sorry .. .. pushing distance between us because to be honest it is crippling me .. so much unheard of news .. etc etc etc ..

 

say what you feel ... do you really miss him when your alone .. do you wake up thinking of him ?? , .. it;s very hard .. i had a chat today i hope it didn't go on 'deaths ears' as the saying goes but .. time will tell.. ..

[Cant_Sleep]

These types are poison. Get out quickly...

 

..hm D= , ..

 

i can .. kinda vouch for that to ..

[lostinlove2010]

I understand your frustration and sadness. It’s easy when you’re not in the situation to point your finger at someone and tell them what to do. But when you’re in love with someone it’s not easy to walk away. We women often put up with much more than we should.

 

I dated a guy for a couple years who was horrible to me – sometimes he would call and sometimes he wouldn’t. I always managed to excuse his behavior and forgive him. The truth is that I was scared to be alone. I was scared of losing him, and I was afraid I wouldn’t find someone else who would treat me better.

 

When I finally moved on – I found someone 100 times better but only because I learned to respect myself, and I realized that I wouldn’t allow a guy to treat me bad. I had to realize that I'm better off being alone than being in a relationship that makes me feel as though I’m alone. You deserve to be with someone who will make you happy. Never settle for someone guy who doesn’t respect you just so that you have someone.

 

Best of luck!

[To_b_ornot2_b_]

Sounds very frustrating too. Also sounds like he doesn't really care at all either. I would leave but it's not always that easy is it?