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I feel so helpless in dire need of a pep talk


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Its basically along story, but would be great to get an outsiders perspective on this, all my friends were mutual to the on ei broke up with and feel like i cant talk to them I just dont understand it all.

 

Basically im 22 yrs and my (now ex) boyfriend 25.

 

We had known eachother at least a year as friends before getting together, but nothing too close, we have been together for 5 months (i know im sorry that dnt seem like long, but to me it was)

 

he was the one who wanted a r/ship, he pursued me, to start with i resisted wanting to be sure of my feelings and i knew he werent really the type i guy i go for, but was won over by his warm heart

 

we had dated for 2 weeks before making it official, since we had a pretty good idea of eachother. He had only one previous r/ship which was an affair with a girl he used to work with, and slept with one other woman- he is the type of guy girls would only be friends with. I ve had 4 r/ships before him- all painful.

 

we both go to the same uni but hes half a yr ahead sharing some subjects for half year.

 

Basically the r/ship was slow to begin with we waited a month to make love and he didnt pressure me at all, we met eachothers families, spent quality time with them, but come from diff backgrounds. we had weekends away together and always affectionate everyone aid we were the perfect couple, thats when until a month ago i started to become ill with post traumatic stress disorder and stupidly told him on valentines day i was low but not because of him, he were really supportive, but at the same time we started to have prolonged silences and i feel i have taken him for granted and stopped making effort.

 

Our sex life was fine, we had a great chemical spark, and altho we didnt have the same interests i would happily get involved in his. We talked of future what would happen after uni etc, he told me he loved me and that i were beautiful everyday and i had really fallen for him. we NEVER once argued, had a fight or nothing, we were really close amd happy.

 

we went to theatre one night with friends, except he were sat next to a mutual friend who he practically flirted with all night and ignored me even though i were there, i felt completely humilated as everyone noticed and stupidly after a few drinks i confronted him and said i were hurt (as she is the girl he slept with once but no r/ship)

 

we talked he aplogised, i apologised reassuring my trust in him, but that i hope he realises i will never be that girl.

 

we went to his did the undercover stuff, talked and i were ill that night as i had mixed meds with a few drinks.

 

He dropped me home was fine and came round had a tea etc. then over the next two days he text me tells me he misses me etc.

 

Then boom on the friday i glam up he comes round with a box i answer door cheerfully, i thought it were a box for moving stuff (it had my things in), he tells me he needs to talk. We DO he says "I dnt think were working, I love you so much i dont want to hurt you like that again, but i feel we have these long silences and not that much in common except uni and what we want from a partner, he were crying when he said this" I were completely shocked just stood there with not much emotion and said " I dont know what you want me to say, i cnt force u to do anything u dont want to" He said "I know you are a fantastic girl, and i love you but i been thinking of this for about a month and have made my decision".

 

we left it there i went in and broke down in front of my mother. Everone who knows us are so shocked by this behaviour, it is not like him at all, if he loved me so much why wouldnt he sit down and talk to try and resolve things (his personality is rather blunt) he knows im going through a rough patch

 

Ive had no contact since then, 5 days now i havent said anything to him at all or him to me (my friends have said he told them to look after me), i found out today i got a job which i set as status on fb, he came online and said "congrats, i said thanks then he asked me if it were the job i trained for, i said yep, he said good good. then he went offline.

 

I am so confused ive obviously followed the no contact rule & still have him as friend on fb. I dont know what to do, it is killing me, i cnt eat or sleep but acting as if im fine, except one friend who i can trust to be the real person right now with.

 

I love him so much, unconditionally, the only thing i can think of bad in the r/ship was that we sometimes had disagreement on trivial stuff. I dont hate him at all/

 

PLEASE tell me what u think of this i have detailed it pretty much, sorry its long.

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Try talking to him now .... That's what I would do... Because if you don't you'll never know what happened. On the other hand, we guys like to flirt, it's empowering, and he may have been wanting to show you he's in charge, and you didn't react as he wished you would. Another thing is, you told us yourself you didn't have much in common so maybe that's another issue. He told you the same thing, so that's definitely a problem... i don't know what to say, please correct me if I'm wrong Hey, cheer up, I know how you feel, we've all been through this, try to hold on, until it's gone. Or try talking to him. I would recommend the second

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I believe that what ticked him off is your trust issue with him (ie he was flirting with another girl infront of you). He probably thinks you are either insecure or that you dont trust him- and before your relationships gets too deep and harder to walk away, i think he thought it would be best to break it off now.

 

Altho, I personally think that he should not have been flirting period. And it doesnt help that he's flirting with someone he already had slept with- I dont blame you for being upset.

 

I think you should take some time and figure out if you really like this guy and see if you can look past his flirting and can be "ok" with him potentially flirting again in the future.

If so, then I think you should ask to sit and talk with him, regardless if he "makes the first move" or not.

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