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Please Help me out girls...... Need advice!


Jacked_up78

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Ok so I have been dating this girl for 7 months. I'm 31 and she is 23. Everything was perfect in our relationship I only think we had one fight in the time we were together. When the honeymoon stage was kind of over I had a hard time downshifting to give her more space and began to take 2 steps forward when she took 2 steps back.

 

She mentioned a few times that she wanted to go out with her friends and that she would like to have her "girl" trips which I was fine with but when it came down to it I would get quiet and almost seem pouty when she said she was going out or she said she wanted to go to Vegas. The problems started before the vegas trip but I apologized because I was acting like a baby and I wished her a great trip and left her alone. She texted me when she could but I never initiated conversation so she could have fun and not worry. On the way home she texted me in the morning and I was out playing golf I texted back that I want to hear all about the trip and that I would call her when I got done which I did. I got no answer on her phone and left her a message and didn't get a call back so I waited a few hours and began to become concerned. I remembered her friend told me that if I couldn't reach her on her phone that I could call hers and so I called and it all went downhill from there. She called when she got home and everything seemed fine but then on monday I got the text about needing to talk. She broke up with me.

 

I did the usual groveling in panic mode but then gave her her space. I didn't text until friday just to let her know I cared about her but I was respecting her space and I wanted to talk face to face. She replied back within 15 minutes saying that she still cares about me and it has made it really hard but it was the right thing for her and she wasn't ready to talk yet.

 

So I have left her alone and not heard anything yet but I went out on that saturday with my friends and had a great time but I also learned by watching all the girls out there that girls go out in groups to dance with each other and just have a great time. Rarely were there any guys around them. My insecurities lifted and I just "GOT IT" girls need their space and they need time away. Now that I understand I so desperately want her to know.

 

I wrote a letter and I am considering sending it to her to let her know what I have realized and the mistakes I have made during our relationship and all the signals I missed. It's not a whiney I need you back letter it's just telling her that I get it and I take fault for what happened. I know she loves me.

 

Please help tell me what to do!!!!

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I know this isn't what you want to hear, but right now you need to just wait for her to be ready to talk to you. From what you have said it does sound like eventually she will be ready but since this was all about space you have to respect that now.

 

I would not send her a letter.

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I don't think there is a "too long" you were only with her for 7 months...and it sounds like you've been broken up less than 2 weeks if you're already worried you won't be able to hold onto your feelings for her then maybe you're more ready to let her go than you think.

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Of course you miss her...it hasn't been that long. I'm not saying you have to or even are ready to just let her go...so soon. She needs time and space so the only thing you can do now is leave her to it and work on yourself. Go to the gym, take a class you always wanted to take, delve into a new book, pick up that instument you always wanted to play (or be better at)...just do stuff for you and get back to the guy you were when she met you....not only will you feel better, but you'll have a better chance of finding love (whether it's with her or with someone new) when you're ready.

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Last you spoke to her she said she wasn't ready to talk yet. I imagine that if and when she is ready she will contact you. Maybe give her another week or so and then if you haven't heard from her try one more time to reach out to her. But I don't know about sending that letter.

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Well I haven't been needy towards her at all since the split. I have been at they gym almost every day and going out with my friends. I am a firm believer that life goes on but she does mean the world to me so I am going to hold off but writing it sure made me feel better. When I reach out to her next week what should i say?

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I would say since the last time you reached out to her you told her you wanted to talk and she said she wasn't ready....don't bring up the talk this time. Just be friendly and see if maybe she will agree to coffee or something just to "catch up"...then if she agrees don't try to steer the conversation to the realtionship... let her be the one to bring it up...if she doesn't then I say give it a month before you mention wanting to talk again.

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My friends seem to think that her 26 hours in school and full time job have put a lot of stress on her and that she will come back when things settle down. Should I stay strong with NC or LC until then? Her friends told me she loved me and her friends always told me how happy I made her.

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I have done more thinking and decided that writing the letter made me feel better to get my feelings out even though I am not going to send it to her. I am working out and getting back to the gym but i still think about her and think of what she wrote in my valentines card. Do girls usually write their feelings if they aren't true? I know when a girl says I love you sometimes they say it to appease you but is it different if they write it in a card?

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