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Dumpers vs. Dumpees: Could you/ would you be friends with your EX?


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Were you the dumper or dumpee?

 

What was the cause of the break up?

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

 

___________

I was the dumpee.

 

Cause of breakup: Unknown to me. Going great, then out of the blue, it ended. Seems he had a ton of “issues” he had to work out on his own – afraid of commitment, not a good person, too immature… the list goes on.

 

Be their friend: No. Why should I be friends with someone who completely destroyed my trust in them? They don’t deserve it.

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She dumped me because she was cheating on me.

 

It took me awhile to get over it. Actually it's the reason I'm here on this site. After awhile though, I got over the bitterness. Ironically now we are pretty good friends. Looking back what she did to me was a blessing in disguise. Yeah, I was hurt when it happened but I'm better off without her as a girlfriend and better off as just friends.

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I was the dumpee.

 

Cause of break up: Very little in common, different life goals. That's basically what it came down to. It took 5 months for reality to set in a bit. No one cheated on each other, no insults, no negativity... we were just not right for each other (which has made it really difficult to break up, because there was nothing that either of us could do about it).

 

Be their friend: Perhaps. We said that was a possibility, but I don't know. We're both mature young adults, so I'm sure we'll reclaim ourselves and be able to meet again as friends in time. May not feel right, or it may feel right, depending on how we've healed.

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I'm the dumpee.

 

Cause of the break up? It's my fault. I cheated. I told her about it the next day. There were other things too like we weren't getting along well and I was severely depressed too.

 

Could I be her friend? I tried, maybe I was too desperate at the time. Honestly, I don't think I can be her friend. I think she either hates me too much, wants me to drop dead, or just thinks we can never be friends. She never made any attempt in contacting me or reconciling our friendship yet she still owes me $100 which I lent her after we broke up, and I already gave it my best shot in getting back with her and trying to be her friend. It hurts too much. Besides, I haven't forgiven myself yet for what I did, and I never will. Even though it's been a year now, and even though she found someone new and I found someone new, I don't think it has been enough time for us to forgive and forget - I can't forgive myself, and I even though she forgave me, I don't think she genuinely meant it.

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This thread seems to be a very common theme.

 

Anyways, I tried it. I was the dumpee. It was hell because I tried to be friends right away. I never healed and the rebounds she had and emotional pain she purposely inflicted on me killed me. I'm finally healing, though I still talk to her but very limited (like once every month or so). I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, especially immediately following a relationship with someone you loved a lot. Also, NEVER think of a friendship as a bridge between the breakup to a future relationship and getting back together (I was told we could be together again in 3 yrs when she was ready to fully commit so I figured friendship would bridge me till 3 yrs).

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I was the dumpee.

 

cause: he fell in love with a mutual friend.

 

i was still madly in love with him so i tried to stay friends. he repaid my loyalty by telling me in excruciating detail how much he was in love with her, how much it hurt him to be away from her and how happy it made him to hear from her. he wrote poems for her and showed them to me. the pain was unbearable and then turned to anger and hate, so i didn't stay friends with him. and i never looked back.

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I've never been friends just after a break up. Currently, all of my exes but this last one are on speaking terms with me. The second one goes in and out of that, I think she still wants to be with me. After we split the first time, I didn't hear from her for 2 years, then she was back in my life intimately for a couple months.... realized I was better off without her in that role and it was another 5 months before I heard from her again. It's hard because looking back on it, none of them were the best of friends to me... so why would I go out of my way to include them as friends after the break up?

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Were you the dumper or dumpee? Dumper

 

What was the cause of the break up? A multitude of problems but I'll just go with pathological liar and chronic cheating.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not? NO. I saw the way he treated his "friends". No thanks.

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Were you the dumper or dumpee? Dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up? Fighting and he met someone else.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

 

I think no now. My ex does not feel obligated to treat me with respect consistently.

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Were you the dumper or dumpee?

I was the dumper

 

What was the cause of the break up?

A multitude of reasons, but mainly because he was emotionally abusive

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

No, no and no. I would probably forgive and forget and move on and be able to see him in social situations and whatnot, but he will hold a grudge to the grave and would rather I die in a nasty way. So, no, we won't ever be friends.

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I could be friends with my most recent ex because I like him as a person and the only thing that he really did was take a little too long IMO to decide he didn't want to be with me and was not as forthright about his feelings as he could have been. There was also an issue of not being able to open up to me. If you can't open up to a friend, what is the point? Not sure why he wanted to be friends in retrospect but to let me down easy?

 

Anyway, I won't be friends with my ex because it is not in my best interest to do so. And right now, I am the most important person in the picture, not him. He lost that ground when he dumped me.

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Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up?

She cheated. Tried to work it out after the cheating only to fail 5 months later due to my newly acquired issues (because of the cheating).

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

No way! Her pathetic behavior and lack of compassion after the break-up. She went back to hanging out the the guy she cheated with after she profusely apologized for what she did. Anyone who is truly sorry for it would not go right back to the same person. It's a public slap in the face.

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I was the dumpee.

He dumped me, and got back together

I kicked him to the curb finally.

 

Cause of breakup?

 

He was an idiot. Still is. He never loved me. At times I think he does. But he is extremely messed up.

He likes to manipulate me. Yell at me, to make things easier: He emotionally abused me.

I couldn't take his lies and all his bull * * * * . Why do I need that? I don't. And i never will.

 

Would you be friends with your ex?

 

I would never be friends with my ex for good reasons.

1) he will continue to manipulate me

2) try to convince me that 'we are meant for each other babe'

3) ruin my new relationship(s)

4) he's way too jealous

5) I do not trust him

6) I don't feel that he deserves to be with me, let alone have a friendship.

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