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Finally trying full NC..terrified


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I finally realize I have tried everything in the book from getting her back,accepting just friend,trying not to care so much ect. and finally I realized its not getting better its just been a long lagging heart break and ive watched our attempt at friendship do nothing but make that broken heart hurt worse.

 

heres the back story if anyones interested..

 

 

 

I just think I cant fix it and been trying for a year and a half and for a year and a half ive spent every day in pain to some degree

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You are doing the right thing, this NC will be your best friend in this war.

It will be really hard at the beginning, try not to break, hold on and if you feel really bad come and post on this forum, we will all be glad to help you.

Eventually this NC thing will pay off and you will be healed.

It takes time but you have to see it through.

Goodluck dude we are all watching you back

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I was where you are at for a while. It's so hard to let go, it's like losing a body part - worse, it's losing your heart. You try so hard to fix what's broken, to not lose the person completely, but you know deep inside that the way things are going something will always feel not quite "right". For those who have managed to reconcile they will all tell you they had a considerable amount on NC before that could happen, and for those who had to let go and move on - they will also tell you that NC is THE only way.

 

It's a hard pill to swallow. We shared so much of our lives and of ourselves with these people we love/loved. Staying in contact will #1 prolong the inevitable - an eventual need to be NC, and #2 you will also be interrupting the healing process. The first couple of weeks are going to be rough, but as Paintedblue said, post on here whenever you feel the need to contact.

 

Good luck! We are all in this with you. You can do it!

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4 months since he asked for 'space apart for a while' and 25 days NC. In the 4 months we've had LC, mainly initiated by me so now 25 days of NC and I'm feeling really twitchy... it is like an addiction but NOW, the addiction is to NOT get in touch... it's a new kick, I can't cave in, I have to keep on with it but I still miss him terribly and want him back!

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I dont know if it wrong of me to think this way but...

 

I am on 3 days NC, and I am suffering today. But my fear with NC is what if I manage to hold out and not contact, and she is doing the same trying not to contact me and so any possible reconciliation or talking about our problems won't happen because we are both trying not to contact each other, or not be the first too?

 

What if she see's my not contacting as a sign I have moved on and don't care now?

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I dont know if it wrong of me to think this way but...

 

I am on 3 days NC, and I am suffering today. But my fear with NC is what if I manage to hold out and not contact, and she is doing the same trying not to contact me and so any possible reconciliation or talking about our problems won't happen because we are both trying not to contact each other, or not be the first too?

 

What if she see's my not contacting as a sign I have moved on and don't care now?

 

It is not wrong to think of it that way. But it also is not helpful. The purpose of No Contact is to give you separation so you can heal and discover yourself. If/when you feel you are healed from what caused the breakup, then you can start thinking about communicating again.

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This is one of the things about life that gets me. How does one bring someone into their life and heart and basically make them the most important person in their life.only to one day make them someone they dont talk to. Its a scary concept that has me also scared of any future relationships. Cause I am scared that..like whenever I think about the amazing times with my ex all the romantic moments..if I have any new ones with someone else I dont want in the back of my mind during those the idea that one day this magical moment could make me sick thinking back on it when she leaves me ect.

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This is one of the things about life that gets me. How does one bring someone into their life and heart and basically make them the most important person in their life.only to one day make them someone they dont talk to. Its a scary concept that has me also scared of any future relationships. Cause I am scared that..like whenever I think about the amazing times with my ex all the romantic moments..if I have any new ones with someone else I dont want in the back of my mind during those the idea that one day this magical moment could make me sick thinking back on it when she leaves me ect.

 

That's how I feel too. The worst part of it all is that I really don't want anyone else. Saying that I am not waiting for my guy to come back but I just can't see me with anyone else. EVERYONE says, you've had break ups before and you'll find someone else but right up to the point he asked for "space apart for a while" we BOTH were saying how happy we were and couldn't imagine being without each other then for him to STILL say he's "thinking about what he wants" instead of actually saying "it's over" whereas break ups in the past I have KNOWN it's over and I am actually ready to move on and find someone else. I can't get over this. Today is such a bad day and it's day 25... I can't imagine him NOT coming back from this "space" as I KNOW what we have and because of him telling everyone he's still thinking yet I just can't imagine him ever returning... I just miss him terribly and want him back so much.

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Word for word Lucy...that's exactly where I'm at too. I'm on day 28 or NC. I know I made her too big a part of my life-given her non-commital nature...but &*#% after 5 years it really feels like cold hard death..or losing body part at the very least. Funny thing is..when I focused on our differences on Monday...I felt this huge weight lift...a partial letting go..and I felt like my old self for about 12 hours....then I crashed hard...and remain in that state..All we can do is hold on and try to stay distracted and busy....

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I finally realize I have tried everything in the book from getting her back,accepting just friend,trying not to care so much ect. and finally I realized its not getting better its just been a long lagging heart break and ive watched our attempt at friendship do nothing but make that broken heart hurt worse.

 

heres the back story if anyones interested..

 

 

 

I just think I cant fix it and been trying for a year and a half and for a year and a half ive spent every day in pain to some degree

 

Let me tell you from ALOT OF EXPERIENCE!!! The way you are handling it is not going to help what so ever. The best thing to do is NC and move on with your life. I wouldnt take another call, txt, email. She doesnt value the relationship like you do. I am trying to say this as nice as possilbe cause I dont want to hurt you more that you already are. I know your pain and it is awful awful. My friend....stop trying...let it be. She is not going to see your value. You have done allyou can do. Time to move on ...Please trust me on this. I know first hand...first hand!!

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I was trying to be friends with my X as well and realized it was killing me inside. She wanted to be friends and "see what happens". She left that little crack open giving me hope that if I was cool and we hung out as friends that maybe she would want to get back together. Then I found out that she had been on some dates, she stopped calling me much and stopped suggesting we hang out. Then she would change up and send me texts that she missed me and so on and so on. Too many mixed messages

 

I have realized that this is totally unhealthy for me and unproductive for what I need and that is to heal. So I called her and we talked for about an hour on the phone. I told her we are in two different places right now. You want friendship and I want more. And because of this the friendship thing is just not going to work out right now. I asked her not to contact me in any way, shape or form, and that I would be in contact with her if at some point I am OK with just being friends with no alternative motives to get back together.

 

I told her I did not know how long this would take or if I ever will call again. I said let's end it now before I start to get bitter and start disliking you. Let's remember the good times and move on. I did tell her if you come to the realization that you want more than friends then give me a call and we can talk. But do not call if not. She understood and we are now NC.

 

This really is your only option my friend, if you continue communication you will suffer and may grow to have bitterness towards her. I believe by standing up for ourselves and telling them were going NC and for them not to contact us unless they want more than friends is a win-win for us.

 

They either miss us and realize they want us back and call. Or we heal and move onto bigger and better things.

 

This is just my opinion, hope some of it makes sense.

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My ex broke up with me exactly a year ago. It's not so bad, there are some residual memories that can be saddening but the actual pain is not there anymore.

 

I find that even having limited contact was bad. I had LC for about 9 months after the break up and in hindsight it really did not help the healing process. Now, 3 months of total NC later and I feel a lot better.

 

NC works for me, so don't be terrified of it. Give it a go. It'll give you a chance to work on yourself and possibly make space for someone new...

 

If there's anything I've learnt from a painful breakup, it's that in order to heal, I needed to replace my old painful memories with new, happy memories that don't involve my ex.

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definitely LC was hurting more than NC

 

ex would text, we would send tetxs back and forth, but he made his choice to take a job that meant the chop for us. the last thing i wanted was to receiving his texts bout his new exciting job and life while i was sat at home barely holding it together

 

i sent the email saying i was goin NC and that i didnt know if i could be friends with him as my feelings were still strong, and that id have to get over them if we were ever gunna be friends as fancying your friends is so wrong

 

i didnt say contact me if you want back cos well, taking a job like he did spoke volumes.

 

i dont think i will ever contact him again about being friends to be honest, but jus laying it on line and doing this for me has been one of the most self loving things ive done for me in a while. and i get to keep my dignity and show him my strength.

 

dunno if he will sit up and think uh oh shes really gone and give a sh*t, but who knows, its only been 18 days so far.

 

its for me to move on tho, thats my hope and goal. i havent really thought too much about owt else

 

jus keep strong peeps x

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