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He is moving away in 6 months and tells me that he isn't a 'fan' of LDRs... break-up in sight?


Allyo

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The guy I am falling in love with basically told me that it is likely (not certain) that he will be moving far far away in 6 months! The relationship is new, and so I have no idea what to do..

 

This guy has been my good friend for over a year now, and we recently became a couple. I even lived with this guy at one point in time for a few months while I was looking for a new place, although in that time our relationship was completely platonic.

 

Well everything is going perfect. So perfect it scares me! I just feel that connection, that spark with him like I haven’t felt in such a looong time, if ever! He says that we ‘understand’ each other… He is very affectionate, and he already said a couple of times already that he loves me. Apart from that we just have a great time together. We are always laughing and joking around… I just don’t know how it could get any better!

 

Exceeeept… for that fact that he got a job offer in a far away city starting in about 6 months when he graduates. I am going to school and absolutely cannot relocate or move. When he graduates, he will be absolutely penniless, and so of course if makes sense for him to take the job. The issue kind of came up, and he basically said that it was most likely that he would take that job unless he could find another job. And he also mentioned he wasn’t a big fan of long distance relationships since they almost never work out. I almost felt like he was saying - ok, I’ll be with you a while and it is most likely that we will break up in 6 months… but there is always the small chance that I’ll find another job and stick around.

 

I feel that I am definitely falling in love with him, and I had the impression he felt the same way. But him mentioning that he was against long distance relationships almost seems to me like a sure break-up in the future. Should I stop now? All I know is that breaking up in 6 months (versus now) would be a lot harder on me.

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I think it'd be a bit early to end it now before you know for sure that he is moving & that he will, at that point, wish to end the relationship. Wait it out a few more months, maybe something will change. He is right, LDR's are hard. But if there is a foreseeable end to the distance, it can be manageable.

 

You said things grew "platonic" with him while you lived together, then you said that you developed a spark & everything was perfect. But platonic means no spark, basically like a brother-sister friendship. Like, if you were dating & you had another male friend, you would call that other male friend a "platonic friendship" meaning no spark there & nothing for a bf to get jealous of. Did you mean you grew closer to him when you lived together?

 

Just wait a bit longer. Maybe he'll get a better job offer nearby.

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I know it sucks, but yes you should break up with him now. If he were really falling in love with you he'd make a LDR work, IMO. It's not like you're against moving are you? But he didn't even ask. I'm sorry. My guy was playing head games with me as far as moving, I'm kind of glad he finally got the nerve up to break up with me even if it does suck.

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Well I guess it is a weird situation. But we started off as friends and nothing more. Like I always kind of liked him a little bit, but at the time when I was living with him I was breaking up with somebody else.

 

I moved out and ended up living really close by, and he started visiting me a lot. I feel like he probably liked me too and ended up missing me when I moved out. But I think that is the strong point in our relationship, that we were friends first!

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I know it sucks, but yes you should break up with him now. If he were really falling in love with you he'd make a LDR work, IMO. It's not like you're against moving are you? But he didn't even ask. I'm sorry. My guy was playing head games with me as far as moving, I'm kind of glad he finally got the nerve up to break up with me even if it does suck.

 

Okay, thank you. That is what I wanted to hear, honest opinions. I guess I agree with you in a way. But at the same time, our relationship is barely starting out. I could say I am falling in love with him, but not that I am in love with him. I imagine he would feel the same way. Of course in the back of my mind I have the hope that maybe something would change or that things could work out... but I want to be realistic too.

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Well, at the very least you should straight up ask him "So if you decide to take this job, you want our relationship to end?" before breaking up with him. I still think it would be jumping the gun a bit, but do whatever you feel is right.

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I'm going to say I asked that question and my guy said no that wasn't his intent but we're now broken up. But it is worth asking. I think it's a way of breaking up, but I tend to be a glass half empty kind of gal.

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You never know what could happen. I had my bf kind of put a scare in me a couple weeks ago when he told me his company is thinking of relocating him to another city. And I couldn't do an LDR. Also I just got a permanent job where I live now so I wouldn't move.

 

Then, a couple days later, we were talking about it, and he said he doesn't want to leave, and that he isn't interested in relocating for this company, so now he's thinking about applying for jobs in the city and keeping the one he's got until he gets something else.

 

Anyways, point is, you should give him more time to figure out what he wants to do. Graduating is such a hard time to find yourself and where you should go and what you really want to do.

 

If you break up with him now you'll always be wondering... what if...

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"Not all relationships that end have failed"

 

I think at this point you are already invested. It's going to suck if the relationship ends tomorrow, right? So why not continue and see what happens? The problem I think is that you are uncertain that you can handle the end of the relationship. There is no shame in that, the heart is not something to toy with. However you must know that in the end you are going to be fine.

 

In that regard I think that you deserve more from him. You deserve an explanation from him on where he sees you in his life. You deserve to talk to him about your needs and your fears and have him understand. And you need to place yourself in his shoes and understand where he is coming from.

 

In the end you also have to see his reluctance to be in a long distance relationship as a problem with him, and not you.

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