My 32 year old boyfriend is addicted to porn...TEEN PORN!!!!

[dragon lady]

I don't think it's strange that this guy likes teen porn. It's one of the most common porn genres out there. Go to a sex shop and look at how much of it is there. Or even look online. There are more than just a few freaks out there watching it. The disturbing part is that he can't get off without it. It still doesn't call for therapy, in my opinion.

 

Also, I don't understand what's so weird about this relationship he has with his sister. I'm very close to my older brother. We stay at each other's places and he gives me money when I'm broke. There's absolutely nothing sexual about it. I'm shocked to think that someone could possibly think there was.

 

I think everyone is overreacting big time.

[ItRainsItPours]

the OP said the 16 year old girl was a friend that he called his little sister. Im close with my sisters too and theres nothing wrong with that; but a grown man having a relationship in any capacity with a 16 year old girl he isnt related to is suspect to say the least.

[Night Pumpkin]

Actually that isn't true. In many countries, if a "visual representation" (legal language) shows someone who is depicted as being underage, that is child pornography, regardless of whether or not the person actually is underage.

 

I agree, dressing an 18 year up in pigtails to look like she's 12 is not teen porn, or child pornography. It's sick and depraved, but it's not underage porn.

 

I'd worry more about how he only seems to be able to get off on 'young looking' girls. I look at porn, but some of my porn is of 18 year old girls, some is of women my own age, and some is of women in their 30s and 40s. I find some 40 year olds as attractive as the 18 year old, so something is not right with this guy. He's getting off on the idea of it being 'illegal', like teenagers having sex, and a 32 year old man has been out of high school for 14 years!

 

Plus, he has you. This guy needs to grow up.

[dragon lady]

the OP said the 16 year old girl was a friend that he called his little sister. Im close with my sisters too and theres nothing wrong with that; but a grown man having a relationship in any capacity with a 16 year old girl he isnt related to is suspect to say the least.

 

 

Ok, i must have misread that.

 

THAT is weird. I'd be surprised if something sexual wasn't going on there. Even if she wasn't sixteen...

[Cognitive_Canine]

I agree, dressing an 18 year up in pigtails to look like she's 12 is not teen porn, or child pornography. It's sick and depraved, but it's not underage porn.

 

I'd worry more about how he only seems to be able to get off on 'young looking' girls. I look at porn, but some of my porn is of 18 year old girls, some is of women my own age, and some is of women in their 30s and 40s. I find some 40 year olds as attractive as the 18 year old, so something is not right with this guy. He's getting off on the idea of it being 'illegal', like teenagers having sex, and a 32 year old man has been out of high school for 14 years!

 

Plus, he has you. This guy needs to grow up.

 

 

I agree. He doesn't like teen porn. He NEEDS teen porn.

 

There is something wrong with his inability to get off without this porn.

[ItRainsItPours]

I dont think thats the case here. I watch porn and I've watched teen porn and all those sites post a thousand times disclaimers about the girls' ages. to put it in perspective the girls all look like college age. and actually alot of times they will have models who are in their 20s in these "teen" videos. I really dont think teen porn is a big deal, I watch it among the other types. I dont think I have a fetish for younger girls, I typically wont date girls in undergrad.

 

whats strange here is the relationship with that young girl. the fact that she has slept over his house is appalling. I think you need to look into that more OP and make sure no foul play is going on there. what hes doing is just plain not normal.

[Sparkly Eyes]

You're only 27. Don't invest in this relationship more than this. Two people have broken up with him already because of this. You won't be able to CHANGE him!

[annie24]

well, we don't know what sort of porn he is watching, whether it's from 'reputable' sites who use 18-24 models who look young as the 'teens' or if it's a shadier site, maybe out of the country that doesn't have strict laws, or the teens have used fake IDs to get the job or what. I don't think it's so hard to believe that worldwide, many young women are exploited by those out to make money.

[teabee]

Interesting to me that most people find it ok that he is looking at pics of girls that look prepubescent. Gross, there's something wrong with that. Not to mention all the other red flags.

[dragon lady]

Interesting to me that most people find it ok that he is looking at pics of girls that look prepubescent. Gross, there's something wrong with that. Not to mention all the other red flags.

 

To me that's like saying it's gross to date an 18+ woman with no breasts, hips and shaved pubic hair. It doesn't seem fair given that she's of age. Should these women stay away from men because of their body types?

 

The other stuff does worry me.

[lavenderdove]

People are engaging in black and white thinking here, when that is not appropriate... i.e., looking at porn with women who look young is all right, or all wrong. You need to look at the situation in context. Are the girls really underage? Is he doing it constantly and not interested/available to have sex without them in the picture? Is this harming his current relationship? Is it leading him to show interested in real underaged girls.

 

You need to look at the behavior in context before you judge it as OK or not.

 

I would say this guy's behavior is not OK for these reasons:

 

1. He can't have sex with a woman without images of underage girls playing in the background.

 

2. He's cultivating a friendship with an underage girl.

 

3. It is affecting his sex life (negatively) with his current partner.

 

4. It has crossed the line to addiction because of the amount of time he spends masterbating vs. having good sex with his partner.

 

So clearly, it is problematic in this case. The issue is his sexual focus is SOLELY on underage girls, and that while he has sex with a 'legal' woman, he can only do so with images on underage girls on the screen and fantasizing about them. It is affecting his sexual abilities and his ability to form a bond with his legal age partner. He is engaging in risk behavior befriending an underage girl half his age, which really isn't appropriate for a man his age.

 

And it is silly to suggest that under these particular circumstances she just needs to dress as a teenager with sparkly clips in her hair to 'please' him. That is like saying the way to fix an alcoholic is to dress up as a beer bottle!!

 

He's got a problem. He's addicted to underage porn and toying with the idea of taking it farther if he is befriending underage girls.

 

And a secondary problem is there is no way for her to guarantee he is only visiting legal age porn sites. I wouldn't let this guy near my computer, because if her computer gets identified in a porn sting as one frequently underage sites, she'll be the one getting arrested and investigated. Doesn't matter if she's innocent, she'll get sucked into that firestorm and have to prove her innocence to the police and maybe even in court.

[Night Pumpkin]

I agree. I think there are some people here who are as sick as the dude in question.

 

It doesn't matter whether or not the girls he looks at are 18 or not, if he believes they are underage, he is looking at child porn. If an undercover cop were to sell you what you thought was cocaine, you can be charged even if it wasn't cocaine at all. If the intent is there, you are guilty, regardless of if you get the real product or not.

 

Interesting to me that most people find it ok that he is looking at pics of girls that look prepubescent. Gross, there's something wrong with that. Not to mention all the other red flags.

[girlfriday]

Okay, I just typed entire reply out only to have it disappear! UGH

 

I think there are several concerns but it doesn't pertain to the teen porn itself. I mean, by industry standards everyone must be 18. There is not way you can prove that wrong just by judging the girls.

 

What concerns me is that he is 1) addicted to this porn 2) cannot have a sex life without it.

 

I am sure my bf and all other male friends I have watch "teen" porn but when it comes to their sex life that doesn't enter the relationship. Porn can be used as a supplement but it can't be used as something that is NEEDED to complete a sex life.

 

As for why men like younger looking women (sometimes teens) is like explaining why some women like older men. Some men are simply more attracted to "childlikeness" of a woman because it indicates a little innocence. I think some people will inherently understand this and some people are just simply "adults" all the time. Have you ever thought about how relationships like Dom/Subs work? That's basically the jist of it.

 

Also, I am 25 but I look like I'm 16. I am pretty small, flat chested and my body resembles one of a teenager. I will NEVER grow into a curvy woman because it's my body and I cannot change that. My bf is 32 and looks about 40 or older. He's got grays everywhere and wrinkles and just generally looks old for his age. People sometimes stare at us and probably wonder about our relationship but that just goes to show that when you're being judgemental you're leaving out a ton of information for yourself.

 

I would try to seek counselling for you bf regarding his addiction. Otherwise, you might never see eye-to-eye on things.

[teabee]

To me that's like saying it's gross to date an 18+ woman with no breasts, hips and shaved pubic hair. It doesn't seem fair given that she's of age. Should these women stay away from men because of their body types?

 

The other stuff does worry me.

 

Not what I'm saying at all, but if I had a slender, girlchild-like body, I would not be happy to be with a man who was fantasizing about me as a pig-tailed, prepubescent 13 year old CHILD instead of as an adult woman. Seems like this is what the OP's bf is looking at the porn for. Pigtails, flat chests, young-looking faces--I think he's fantasizing about children, NOT women (and not even more acceptably aged teenagers).

 

I agree with Night Pumpkin's post.

[fantastic]

I agree. I think there are some people here who are as sick as the dude in question.

 

It doesn't matter whether or not the girls he looks at are 18 or not, if he believes they are underage,[/b[ he is looking at child porn. If an undercover cop were to sell you what you thought was cocaine, you can be charged even if it wasn't cocaine at all. If the intent is there, you are guilty, regardless of if you get the real product or not.

 

What makes you think he believes they're underage? Maybe he just likes seeing women dress up like schoolgirls.

[LightbulbSun]

Look, all men look at 16 year old girls. They might pretend that they don't, but they do. The difference is that some men have control, and only act on the urge with women of his own age (who are also attractive to them), and some men are so stuck in their 'repressed' cycle that they can't get off on anything but teen porn.

 

I'm 27, and I can look at a picture of a 16 year old girl and say she's hot. Would I want to date her? Hell naw. Teenage girls are so immature, plus they're not on my wavelength emotionally. They're young adults, not adults, and they're full of drama. Plus, the biggest hindrance is that it's illegal.

 

beautiful, looking at 18 year old girls (or even 16) when you're 32 is NOT, I repeat NOT, sick and depraved. However, looking at 18 year old girls who are made up to look like they're 12...well, that's just plain weird, and I don't blame you for trying to get out.

 

Plus, he's hanging around a teenager. I don't know why a 32 year old would hang around with a 16 year old, who's not a member of his family, unless there was something darker hidden.

 

I used to work with a 17 year old girl. This guy who was in his 80's came through the line, and made a flirtatious comment (not creepy comment, btw.) The girl took it well, and laughed. He actually seemed like a nice guy. But like all guys, we're visual, and if we see an attractive girl (whether she's 16, 17, or 27), we're going to comment.

 

I know I strayed way off topic, but some of the comments in here really bothered me.

[Lisa Brookes Kift]

Many people use porn to enhance their relationships - or enjoy alone. Other than a moral issue for some, for many it's not an issue.

 

When porn becomes an "issue" is when it's used instead of intimacy (effects relationships), is used in an addictive/compulsive way (and there are negative consquences as a result) - and it's the only way someone can have an orgams (as you indicated).

 

It sounds like what started out as innocent porn use has become a crutch for your boyfriend. If you care about him and the relationship, tell him you're concerned. Be careful not to be critical but come from a feeling place like,"I'm feeling sad because it seems like I can't please you - and you need porn (and your hand) to have an orgasm. Is there something else going on here? I care about you, let's figure it out."

 

Ideally he's open to this kind of dialogue - but he may not be.

 

This isn't simply a matter of "all men" look at teen girls. This is a matter of whether this behavior is replacing real intimacy and connection.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Yes, the main issue is the negative effect the porn is having on your relationship. Still, I can relate as I went through a period of time where an ex of mine was seemingly interested in very young girls and it creeped me out. It brings a sense of insecurity and concern. You just keep thinking, "is he seriously bordering on pedophilia here or not?".

 

And you certainly don't want to make a mistake in judgment and end up with someone who WOULD harm a teen.

 

Not saying he would, or anything but I honestly would not put up this sort of thing.

You've been together a while though, definitely try a discussion.'

 

Best to you.

[Puddincup]

I am pretty liberal when it comes to porn but teen porn is, well, pushing the envelope. There is something about a man liking a "child-like" body that starts to make me feel uncomfortable. To me there is a difference between a woman who is clearly a mature, developed woman wearing pigtails and a schoolgirl outfit versus an undeveloped girl who might or might not be of legal age. Too young (or young looking) starts to verge on kiddie porn and that is not acceptable under any circumstances.

 

Add to the whole thing, the 16 year old "friend" and I'm thinking you should rethink this relationship.

[Kumatora]

I agree. I think there are some people here who are as sick as the dude in question.

 

Interesting to me that most people find it ok that he is looking at pics of girls that look prepubescent. Gross, there's something wrong with that.

I never said I found it ok. I was questioning the source. There are 18 year old girls who actually DO look that young. I know I was one of those people back in the day. People couldn't tell whether I was 12 or 16 when I was really 18. When I line up with my younger sister who is 5 years YOUNGER than me, people said that she's the oldest.

 

To me that's like saying it's gross to date an 18+ woman with no breasts, hips and shaved pubic hair. It doesn't seem fair given that she's of age. Should these women stay away from men because of their body types?

 

The other stuff does worry me.

Amen to this statement. Befriending an underage girl does seem "off."