Jump to content

Don't know if I can take training this man...


littleBudgie

Recommended Posts

Ok I know that sounds harsh but here is the deal.

 

My boyfriend for the last 5 months is a really great guy - he is smart and is nice to me.

 

The only issue is that he has never been trained by prior - relationships or his mom. So... he does not know how to do the little things that are expected not just from men but women too. This is a Peggy Post issue as he does not open doors for a women, does not bring or ask if I need anything when I cook dinner (we don't live together) or when his friends host a party, Orders first when we go out.

 

I know these are small things but how do I approach this so we can grow together and most of all not offend him - He is just starting to meet people in the town we are in, and I don't want him to F**K up in front of his new friends too when they go out.

 

Sheltered boy now in big city issue....

 

how do a approach this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ask him to do the little things. "Wouldn't it be nice if you bring some wine to so and so's party?" "I would really need this and that to make tonight's dinner, would you mind getting me some?" "I feel that it's extremely gallant when men open door for women"

 

I dunno, it is common courtesy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Communcation is key. Obviously no one has ever told him before. Others have probably just accepted it. I would focus on his good points but communicate. Be creative. Tell him something like "You should try opening the door for me...things like that turn me on". It may not necessarily be true but it's a fun way of training him I think At least he's not addicted to teen porn.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The only issue is that he has never been trained by prior - relationships or his mom. So... he does not know how to do the little things that are expected not just from men but women too.

 

This is the problem: you are EXPECTING him instead of letting him know what your expectations are. Even though some of the things your asking him to do seem common... not everyone does it! And the fact you states that "he has never been trained" says you expect him to change. Don't. Otherwise you will be facing a lot of frustrations.

 

This is a kind of person you're going to need a lot of patience and tolerance. Have you chatted with him about the certain small things you would like him to do (like holding the door)? I like how LilBear put it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree DylanNotorious: But with his circle of friends they expect that as I can see when they give him a look when he shows up... Now, I know that is their issue with him...

 

LiBear Correct: its just the right thing to do when someone takes the time and effort.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree DylanNotorious: But with his circle of friends they expect that as I can see when they give him a look when he shows up... Now, I know that is their issue with him...

 

LiBear Correct: its just the right thing to do when someone takes the time and effort.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kumatora: I only did for the ordering 1st - but sometimes he forgets... So its been a work in progress...

 

I was thinking of suggesting to him some books to read? but I don't want to belittle him.

 

One big problem is that his parents never had people over they were socially closed off.

 

My parents always had dinners in and parties for friends - so I can remember guest showing up with food or small gifts for them. And my parents always did the same for their friends

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh my god!! He orders FIRST when you go out?!?!?! Dump him now! What a horrible person! (tongue placed firmly in cheek)

 

Seriously though? If this is the biggest problem in your relationship you should be thanking your lucky stars. I don't really see the issue here. I guess if it's such a huge problem you might actually want to, I don't know, TALK to him about it?

 

What's this about training him? Is he a dog? I'm sure mentioning it once would be more than enough. It sounds like you don't have very much faith in his intellectual capabilities.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all, he's not a dog, so you're not "training" him and you should not think of it as training. He's not a toddler, he doesn't need you to guide him into doing what you want.

 

If he doesn't open doors for you, so what. You don't have arms to open them yourself, I take it?

Maybe instead of "training" him to buy things to take to friend's houses, YOU can buy them and take them.

 

The point of a relationship is not to take a man and change everything about him you don't like.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...