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I need people's advice


someone1990

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A week ago now I got an email from my now x-boyfriend, telling me reasons for why he thinks we should go on a 'break'. We are only 18 years old, and have just finished highschool last year. We had only been dating for six and a half months. During those months, our relationship was very strong. We were always speaking on the phone (him ringing the very majority of times), always going over to each others houses, we were basically part of each others families, went on each others family holidays as well. He always had plans for going on a gap year this year, before we start uni next year. I was aware of this, and respected it. As the time came closer to his departure we talked about our relationship and what would happen with it whilst he was overseas. I had thoughts about breaking up with him, because I wouldnt be emotionally strong enough to deal with the distance. He would always tell me that he did not want to do that though, adn that we could withstand any distance because our relationship was so strong. He told he if I went to uni, we would probably suffer. He said he would have been "heartbroken if I broke up with him before he left, and that I have no idea how heartbroken hed be". I thought that was special. So i decided not to go to uni, and began making plans to get overseas and make the most of a gap year for myself (not fully wanting to go to uni anyway in the first place). So he leaves for Singapore and stays with his uncle and family. Every night basically, we skyped for hours. Telling each other my progress to getting overseas in England (where he would be in a months time). He got excited when hed hear my progress with getting jobs to earn money and everything like that. He sent me a bunch of flowers from Singapore for valentines day with a card. He started telling me more how much he loved me. Everything was going so smoothly. His mum then arrived to Singpore to stay with him for a couple of days before they both went to England. I still felt nothing had changed and we were good. Towards the end of Singapore I also told him I had a definate date now, april the 4th, for when i was meant to meet him at the airport in London. He sent me a really long message a week prior to his break up email saying how excited he was about me traveling with him, how much i meant to him, and how excited he was to see my face at the airport. I was so happy hearing this, and thought all my hard work earning money to go over there was worth it. I got a txt from him saying he couldnt wait to speak to me when he was finally in England. Then his mother and him hoped on a plane. and got to england to stay with his grandparents. A few days passed and I didnt hear from him (about 2 days), i thought that was just like country changing and settling into a new country etc. no biggy. I got a message from him saying how family friends of his were keen to meet me, and stuff like that.

 

Then a couple of days later, I woke up to read an email from him saying that we need a break, because hes realised the nature of his trip wont be enough to sustain our relationship, adn that we wouldnt cope well with his work in England.I didnt see this coming at all. We had been so tight right up until now, never really argued or have disagreements. We had the bst plans made for traveling. He always didnt want to be the one to quit and thought we could work through distance. I had worked so hard (3 jobs) to earn enough money, sacraficed going out with my friedns, saving money everywhere. He knew al that because of when we talked on Skype. He said it meant so much to him, and he encouraged me further to save. He knew i booked my flights and that i spent 550 on a working visa and how hard it was to get that organised. But all of a sudden, he changes everything hes ever said, and says that 'if we were to break down in England, i would leave sad and dejected' and that its 'best for the long term and us'...and that 'if we find time and still feel the same way we might organise a trip to enjoy ourselves'. I dont really understand why i got an email from him, because we never email. Usually he would ring me to tell me something serious. He was never a rude person. but he suddenly turned around and said everything against what we had discussed about me going to England to see him.

 

Does anyone know why some1 would do this, like real reasons? Does anyone think his mum told him to see reality that we wouldnt actually be able to spend much time together because of his work? I need advice.

 

He made the email sound like he still had feelings for me kindof. and was saying things like i have little time for the nxt 7 months for our relationship as 'it currently exists'. He said nothing was personal, and just practical.

 

I replide to him obviously shocked and deeply sadended. He never replied to me though, in his original eamil he said a letter was sending but would take awhile so i had to have the email first. Its been a week and he hasnt replied to me, hides from me on facebook and the letter hsnt come yet.

 

Does anyone have advice for me. Because I really dont want to move on from him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like waiting for him to ever realise. He knew how much I had done for him...

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You are 18!!! you have you entire life ahead of you...ENJOY It before it's too late..you can't bring the future back....know that you haven't even fully went through the maturation from young lady to Grown woman....just don't worry....you will be fine....you are a butterfly

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i know i have my whole life ahead of me still. its just annoying because he planned so much in the future for us together. he talked about next year at uni aswell. he applied to the uni i was going to as well. i know i need to move on from it..but i just want him to regret it or feel bad

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You will have so many boyfriends between now and then, you will meet guys so often you wont be able to keep track of them. Let him go, let him do his own thing and if in the future you were ment to be, then you were ment to be. But you cant force it, let that part take its natural course. In the mean time. Hey have fun with it. Be 18.. live it up, flirt, smile, get guys phone numbers, go dancing, and have fun. There are a lot of 18yr olds that dont have that luxury as you. They are already tied down with a kid and cant have what you have. Enjoy it. Believe me, once its gone. Its gone..

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I know theres heaps of years ahead to be with other people. But I honestly don't think that anyone will be better than him. They will all be at the same level as him, only the person I end up with will obviously not turn around and send an email at the last minute. I know he was not fake. I've known him for over a year, and we were really good friends before we went out. I've been speaking to his best friend who has not heard from him since he arrived in England (when i got the email)..so my x didn't talk to any of his friends about it, and still hasn't. Does that mean he feels ashamed? I really think he jumped his guns and just sent it to avoid hurt in the future, because we quite possibly could have found it hard no seeing each other all the time in another country. But then I thought, do guys even think ahead like that? My x is a pretty sensitive guy though...and I don't even care about being young and 18. I won't be able to go out for ages now. I've missed the opportunity to go to uni this year, and ive spent money on travel, so am now traveling at some point, only by myself for the majority of it. Thanks for people's advice though

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to answer your question if guys think ahead like that - the more sensitive the guy, the more likely he's mulling it over ad infinitum.

 

it's a testimony to your courage as an 18-year-old that you'll be traveling alone. i think you'll find that traveling alone is a great gift that will allow you to meet many more people, and have far richer experiences than were you travelling with a partner or friend(s).

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If he is mulling it over...is that why he won't reply to me yet? He always d+m's with his mum, and shes over there with him atm, is that enough to keep him not very sad or something?...I feel like our relationship just got cut off, forced to end...no one did anything wrong or bad for the other person to not wana be in it anymore...does that mean theres hope for the future?

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