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In the risk of sounding mean:


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do you believe that after a couple of months after the break up, where you are in the more or less stable condition, this forum will bring you down instead of helping you heal?

What i mean is that, most of the posts here are negative of people who are really sad and maybe depressed. I remember in a psychology course i took it even said that if you spend lots of time around negative people, most likely they will also get negative on some level.

I am not saying that this is a bad place to be at, in fact this place is perhaps one of the major things that keep me sane because i believe that i am not completely emotionally stable yet, and i really like this forum.

But perhaps later on, in maybe 5 months or so, when i will feel much much better and be emotionally stable, reading the same depressive posts that i posted months ago, might bring me back on some level, therefore demote progress rather than promote.

It is all just on a theory basis, and I dont really know if it is really like that, so i would like to ask the falks that been here for long enough, and they think that they acheived complete emotional stability, do you feel that by reading these posts you are in a way going back, remembering also your stories, your exs, getting flashbacks and getting all emotional again? (these all are signs of progress demotion rather than promotion).

i also keep reading about people that registerd in this forum some years ago, been here for a while, then left , and lately they came back because they had another break up, so maybe they left because they felt that they would be better off without this forum.

Im just trying to figure out how does it work, dont shoot me please

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I've never posted here before, but I've been lurking for about 3 months. I've started noticing that after every visit here, I feel worse than I did before I came on the site. Which hasn't stopped me from visiting, since this place seems more addictive than crack.

 

But yeah, I think it does eventually become more harmful than helpful...

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I do believe that this place is really good for you as long as you are moreorless emotionally unstable, once you stable, perhaps this place will get you retrograde.

Don't know, as i said, it is just a theory thats why i need people who been here for long enough to tell me how it is.

But i dont know, perhaps most of the people who are here are people who are not completely emotionally stable despite of the lengh of their being here.

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I think once people feel better, they don't post here as often. That's my opinion. I posted here at the beginning of the breakup with a different username. But over time, I didn't feel the need to post here until last week when I learned my ex has a new girlfriend and I hurt all over again.

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It's a community with helping hands, sometimes we all need advice and directions in life while we lend a hand to strangers that are in need of help.

 

It's also a great place to learn from others postings, how people overcome certain situations and obstacles while I'm sure there are many people you can relate to that could use your own advice.

 

People come and go just like many things in life. It may seem like a negative place for many (especially people ask what the forum is about) but it's a large community with many compassionate individuals ready to help each other out. So in that sense it's a very positive place to be

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Depends on how you use it. If you go back and look at old posts, then of course it's going to bring you back to that place. If you use it to get or give advice, I think it can be helpful. Of course, you gotta know when to say when. There is a lot of touchy-feely-sad-sackery here which is good for someone in pain and needing a place to turn. But if you're not in that mindset and not of the mind to give constructive advice to others then the healthiest thing to do for yourself is not to visit. Bottom line, if you don't find it helpful, don't visit.

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I guess it depends on the person. I have issues with depression, but when I read peoples posts about their issues of it, it feels good to know that i'm not alone, hense the title of this site.

Also, it feels even better knowing that I can actually help someone. It's extremely rewarding when somebody takes your advice and it makes them feel better.

 

Just don't make this a daily routine, i've been on other sites where i'm on it everday for weeks, then give a rest for several months or more.

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you guys are all right about something, it is a great place to be when you are down and need an advice, but im just want to know about this phase when you actually feel completely healed and emotionally stable.

wouldn't negative topics bring you somewhat back because you can probably corelate your experience with the painful experience that is in the topic or the comment, and as a result you it will bring you down in a way?

As i said, im not atacking this forum that helps me so much while im still emotionally unstable, im just trying to figure out how does all of this negative works on someone that is no longer as negative as us and healed completely.

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you guys are all right about something, it is a great place to be when you are down and need an advice, but im just want to know about this phase when you actually feel completely healed and emotionally stable.

wouldn't negative topics bring you somewhat back because you can probably corelate your experience with the painful experience that is in the topic or the comment, and as a result you it will bring you down in a way?

As i said, im not atacking this forum that helps me so much while im still emotionally unstable, im just trying to figure out how does all of this negative works on someone that is no longer as negative as us and healed completely.

 

Well, if you're healed completely you can still get some enjoyment from this site if you like to provide advice to others who seek it. For the people who like to do that sort of thing but are not in personal pain, this place can still have some benefit.

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I've been in a relatively stable condition since I first stumbled in here in 2004.

 

I got here through random websurfing. I'm happily married. Have been since 2002. But here I found a place where my previous relationship mishaps might help someone else get out of or avoid similar situations...thus transforming my mistakes into something useful.

 

Do I see things here that irritate/annoy/bother/sadden/ me? Sure. I also see other things that amuse me, educate me, and...during the times I've needed it (like when I got downsized and left a 25 year long career path), I've found support here as well.

 

Much like a hammer or a saw, this forum can be used in useful, constructive ways.....or it can be used in destructive, harmful ways. It's all up to the person using it.

 

Some people come in here crisis, get what they need, and don't come back. Some stick around because they want to "pay it forward" and offer their assistance to those who may be where they recently were....and there can be a HUGE positive benefit in that.

 

Dwelling in one's past or keeping company with negative people is something that can be done just as easily without the aid of the Internet as with it. I know that first hand.

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....im just want to know about this phase when you actually feel completely healed and emotionally stable.

wouldn't negative topics bring you somewhat back because you can probably corelate your experience with the painful experience....QUOTE]

 

Actually, it makes me stronger. Even the "this is killing me" posts don't put me back. They just make me grateful that I'm past the sharp pain. Dull ache, I can handle.

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Well, if you're healed completely you can still get some enjoyment from this site if you like to provide advice to others who seek it. For the people who like to do that sort of thing but are not in personal pain, this place can still have some benefit.

 

I second that.

 

Although I agree with Blacky that there are some negative people on here that just don't want to take the steps neccesary to heal from their relationship. They never participate in motivational threads, they never follow advice, they stay in the same place.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I left an came back a year from now that some of those people would still be here crying.

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yes, blackey i would agree with your first post. at times this place can get very depressing but at the same time it is also addicting.

 

some people it seems aren't truly interested in healing, and only want to read words that support their theories, analyzations, etc...

 

those are the threads that seem the most unhealthy to me. if they get a poster who goes against them, even if it's in a non-attacking sort of way they get all bent out of shape. if i really have something to say i'll say it, but in those situations i usually just stay out of the thread, since many times they are just looking for someone to join in the pity party. SOME not all!

 

i came here back in september because i was trying to figure out my shy crush. left for awhile and remembered the site a few weeks ago. i will probably be taking another break from it soon.

 

all MY opinion of course.

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I think it feels good to help others who are going through a pain that you've recently experienced. It doesn't make me relive it. Rather it lifts me a bit for trying to help someone else through it. But I agree, spending too much time in the darker forums can get you down after a while.

 

That's the great thing about ENA. So, you've done your time healing after a breakup or divorce and you're over your ex...did you notice they have a dating forum?

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I'm emotionally stable and I still visit here. I like to read and respond to posts as they help me see where I am in my own healing process. I now read posts from new members and remember just how bad I felt a year ago and and help me see how far I've come.

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