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ex wants to talk - need advice


greenpickle

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So, about a week ago my ex called me and asked if I wanted to go for coffee and talk about the breakup (because when she broke up with me she never really gave me a reason - basically sounds like she wants to have a closure talk.) At first I agreed but I later told her that it felt too soon and that meeting up in person would disrupt my healing process.

 

She called me again last night and I didn't answer because it was late and I felt a little weird about her calling me so late. She then texted me and asked if i wanted to have a conversation about having the conversation.

 

So my question is... Is this a good idea to agree to talk about it? I have unanswered questions in my head of course, but also I feel like i am finally starting to heal up nicely and feel like this might rip open wounds again. I also still want to work things out with her and get back together. I'm just not sure what to do - part of me wants to talk to her and part of me wants to just let it be.

 

I'm also wondering if this is maybe her way of feeling things out a little - to see if I'm still waiting around or whatever because of how persistent she is being about it.

 

 

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How long have you guys been split? I take it you two have been NC since? Why did she breakup with you? Without knowing the answers to these questions...I don't know how to advise you. OF course follow your heart and if it's telling you this will set you back, then you should honor this.

 

*****Ok I read your old posts....I would say after 4 years together...you guys need some more time for this to settle unless

you're just looking at this as a break and not a breakup...good luck regardless

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How long have you guys been split? I take it you two have been NC since? Why did she breakup with you? Without knowing the answers to these questions...I don't know how to advise you. OF course follow your heart and if it's telling you this will set you back, then you should honor this.

 

*****Ok I read your old posts....I would say after 4 years together...you guys need some more time for this to settle unless

you're just looking at this as a break and not a breakup...good luck regardless

 

We have been split up around 2 months and we were together 2.5 years - mostly NC except for a few times when she has made contact with me. She never really gave a concrete reason for breaking up with me. I have definitely made it clear to her that I want to work things out and be with her and that friendship is not an option for me at this time. I'm just a bit confused with her calling me for different reasons. It seems like 3 weeks of NC will go by and BAM some type of contact happens - which usually sends me spiraling back into the depths of hell.

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I really wouldnt speak to her about it. If you are in a place where its best you limit the contact, then having the "break up " talk two months out will do no good.

 

She never had a reason for breaking up with you....she has been trying to find these reasons over the last 2 months. Now what, shes found them so she wants to knock you down a peg by saying you werent this or that?

 

Maybe she will say it really was just her and her fault alone, but that response will trigger a whole slew of unanswered questions in your mind. Let the mind chatter begin.

 

Worst case, she will tell you there was someone else. And while long term, it will help you hate her and get over her, it might send you down into a spiraling depression.

 

I would say that it would be best to politely decline her offer. Tell her the relationship ended two months ago and really, a break up discussion isnt needed this far out. I would then leave it at that - make no reference to healing etc unless she pushes for a friendship that you might not be ready for.

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I definitely say don't go as well. You seem to be doing fine, and I can tell the only reason you would be going is because you think there might be a chance she wants to talk about reconciliation. I would suggest being very straight forward and tell her that you don't need to speak to her unless it's about some sort reconciliation.

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greenpickle,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. At this point it is important for you to realize and except the truth about what happened. Your relationship is over and it was 100% her decision. You now need to focus all of your personal energy and love inward and move on. It is 100% about you at this point and your happiness is at stake.

 

Do not focus on her at all or what her needs are anymore. Make it a clean break. Don't answer her texts, calls, emails, etc. Love is the most beautiful and truthful thing. At times to the point of seeming cruel, but in the end you must love and respect yourself more than ever to get through this. She made her decision and now you must make yours. To move on.

 

We can never truly know what another person is thinking or feeling. You will never get a true answer to why she left. Don't try and analyze why she left or what her intentions may be now. Accept that the reason she ended the relationship doesn't really matter now. It is over and you must devote yourself to healing and closure. Allow yourself to mourn the loss. Allow yourself to break down and cry if you feel like it. Don't try to reign in your emotions. Let them flow.

 

Take down the pictures, remove anything that reminds you of her and if you want make it clear to her that you would appreciate NC while you deal with this.

 

In the future, when you are ready, you may want to communicate with her or you may not. At that point you will be of sound mind and emotion and can make a clear decision. But right now you need to focus on your own well being.

 

Good luck!

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