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Wow, so this morning I decided I wanted to write down a list of all the qualities I want in a future spouse...and I'm realizing my ex is missing quite a few of these!



1.At least 6'1”

2.Brown or black hair, not blond

3.Should appreciate hardcore punk

4.Also should like bluegrass and worship music

5.Can fix a car

6.Uses proper grammar

7.Has a family that I feel like I belong in

8.Doesn't swear

9.Not a flirt

10.Likes nature, and is okay being away from technology

11.Is more dorky than cool

12.Depends on God

13.Likes video games and computers

14.Free spirit, but also can provide

15.Makes me laugh

16.Doesn't make me cry

17.Likes horses and Rottweilers

18. committed, not fickle!


He only has 11/18 of these things... I'm going to try focusing on that for now. What about you guys? What are your lists?

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I think you're really closing yourself off from meeting new and interesting people if you have all this criteria. My mom told me the day I broke up with my girlfriend that sometimes the people that drive you crazy the most are the ones who bring out a different side in you.


I've only had one significant other and not sure how many you have had, but I don't want to start developing criteria. It's shallow. I mean, it's one thing to say, "I want someone who is supportive of what I do and can talk to me about me passion", but to have a criteria for that person's interests... good luck. It's probably easier to list what isn't going to work than what will work, because sometimes people don't know what they want and end up being with someone they never imagined being with. Perhaps it's a matter of being open-minded, instead of closing yourself off from all kinds of women.


I'm a very serious musician, going to music school, and about to graduate. Most of the people in my life are musicians, so it would only feel natural to date a musician. My ex was not a musician, and it was refreshing yet distracting. I don't think she was the right person, in part because she had no clue about what I was doing (I couldn't talk to her about the latest thing I was writing or practicing, because it was foreign to her). When sitting down with a female instructor of mine, a professional musician herself, married to a non-musician, she said that it's probably better to date a non-musician because it puts everything you do in perspective, but whether or not it works out depends on the person and how they relate to it.


That said, just because I date a musician doesn't mean it'll work out... you know? Everyone is different. You make a list of all these qualities to what you want, but the person you meet may not be right, even if having these qualities. To make a generalization about interests and how the relationship will go is dangerous. A couple friends of mine are in serious, long-term relationships with people that are practically the complete opposite of them. And some friends are in the same relationships to people who are similar to them.


I'm not sure how exactly that ties in to your criteria question, but it's a matter of just seeing if the opposite of what you think is actually what works best. Who knows. *shrugs* Just my two cents.

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hmmm I would say....


1. Puts his family first (which would eventually include me).

2. Is emotionally stable and mature.

3. Can provide.

4. Intellectually challenging for me.

5. Good sense of humor and understands my dry sense of humor.

6. Loves games and can game alone. I game often.

7. Responsible.

8. Educated.

9. Knows when to spend quality time together.

10. Reliable.

11. Can control themselves. (Temper, ect.)

12. Self-sufficient.

13. Honest and loyal.

14. Trusting of their SO

15. Able to make a commitment and stand by it.

16. Wants a family


I'm sure alot of that is dubble dipping, but still important to separate I think. And that's not the complete list. But I think it's my necessities. I think this is good for a quick list. And you know what? My ex was non of those except #3,4,5,6 and 12. lol. And those don't make for a solid relationship.


Oh and I don't think the lists are shallow. I know that the list I've made I've had for some time. And trust me I'm not compromising on it. And I've found exactly what I'm looking for. The insignificant things can be compromised IMO like looks (to a point, I have to be attracted), age, color of their hair, ect. I've even compromised on their education some,...but to be 100% honest it's a turn off if they're not. But the foundation of the list should always be there. You know what will work with you and what won't and good for you; for knowing what you're looking for. For example, if you want kids and he doesn't,....is that really going to work? If it's really important to you,....probably not. If you're really religious and he's an athiest,.....yeah again, probably not going to work. Don't settle, I almost did with my ex and it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

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I wrote a list of like 30 something things, and then thought * * * ? I want someone who loves me for ME and who I love for who they are. Someone that I can be 100% honest with and that will give me the same in return. Someone that is HAPPY with me and someone I can be happy with.

Challenges me, is intellectual, etc etc etc...


Out of the 32. things I wrote down my ex was only 13 of those I really thought he would be more...hmm.

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I just want someone who can see my strength and frailty and stick around. I've realised lately it will have to be someone a little assertive, a very "nice" guy cannot manage me in the slightest, I end up running the show with girlie tricks.


He can look or be of any profession, as long as we get each other.

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I think the "not a flirt" is a must for me.


My ex seemingly loved to flirt and thought it was fine, to the point one friend of hers professed his love and she blatantly was flirting with guys when with my cousin out drinking. Maybe I was an idiot not to take more notice of that, or because I just thought "I trust you" and I didnt want to be controlling.

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There's a TV show in my local area just few days ago describing this one lady with a list of criteria she say she looks for. The show did a statistics calculation and concluded that only 8 people qualified in a 7 million people city. As a matter of fact, the TV show displayed her photo and she looks like a 2. I'm certain not even a 100 people would take her in a 3.5 million male city.


Stick to reality.

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I was thinking about this just yesterday, what qualities I would like in a man and wondered where my ex would fall into the mix. He doesn't fit in many areas.


Here's my Top 5 List, the absolute must haves:


1. Intelligent (ex is extremely intelligent)

2. Kind (ex not usually, very insulting)

3. Good sense of humor (ex's humor is awful)

4. Good hygiene (ex looks clean, but doesn't floss or wash his hands after toileting and before cooking - real turn off for me)

5. Good communication skills (ex is horrible communicator).


And one more:


6. Responsible for himself and his actions (ex is responsible for himself, not his actions - always blaming others).


And thinking about it now, my ex is a very negative person in all aspects of life. I always had to point out the positive aspect. I'm so tired of that.


I want to be adored. I'm attractive (some even say beautiful, but I think they're trying to get into my nickers), intelligent, successful in my position, giving, kind, thoughtful to friends and family. I volunteer in the community and do good works for others, give to charity. I'm not afraid to be seen without make-up and enjoy working around the house - from construction to cleaning. I have clear skin, white teeth, and a nice figure. I can get the man I want - I've got so much to offer. I just have to find him.

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Outside of things like wanting a family, being honest, loyal, etc. I would never date someone who had a list and i found out about it. If everyone had a list, what are the chances that two people would match each others list perfectly? Almost non-existent. You can't find love from a list, only disappointment.

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My requirements:


Educated - Master's at least

Tall - at least 6'

Sense of humor a must

NO drinking or smoking!

Must love animals

Must be driven and a bit of a workaholic

Must love California and never want to move


Playful and talented in bed


This list has never let me down, I've dated some really together, neat, men!

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I agree with Autumn in that lists can help you set your standards. I make lists like that with all kinds of things and I think it gets me straight on what I need, what I want, and also what things are preferences but not necessary. And I would never turn down a great job, or guy, or whatever else just because I couldn't check off all my loose criteria. It's more like, "Dear Universe, bring me something kinda like This" and for me there's still room to be pleasantly surprised by something I didn't know I'd like, or thought I'd prefer but actually don't care about.

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I agree that you should know what you want, and AutumnBorn's list is well within reason, but disqualifying someone because they are only 5'11", or even because they aren't as educated as you'd like is a bit pretentious. I can understand you wouldn't want to date someone who was a high school dropout, but if someone went through undergrad and is doing well for themselves, i'd say you were stuckup if you wouldn't see them on the grounds that they didn't go to grad school.

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Haha, don't worry I wouldn't disqualify someone who didn't meet everyone of those things...it was more of an exercise to help me get my ex off of his pedestal and see that he was missing some qualities and wasn't as perfect as I used to think. I loved him despite of and because of our differences, but I'm trying to see that other guys can offer good things too.


A lot of those aren't "dealbreakers," but it would be nice to have a guy that got as excited about going to punk concerts as me, who could live without checking his cell phone every 5 minutes, little stuff like that. But I really liked that he was a few inches taller than me, because that meant I could wear heels without feeling self-conscious (I'm pretty tall for a girl), and would miss that if I dated a shorter guy.


My ex is an awesome guy, but he's missing that last quality, I don't want a guy who's going to walk out when we have a couple kids running around the house and things are more stressful and love requires more sacrifice. I need to know that the person I'm with is in it for the long haul and is willing to fight for us no matter how hard it gets.

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I am going to have to go with the anti-list people on this one. I'm not sure if it is so much that I am against the actual list in it self, or if it is because I always end up with what I didn't know I was looking for in the first place. I just need to feel a real spark, and that doesn't happen with just anyone.

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I think guideline is okay. ie. Inner qualities, not smoking. If the girl herself is very tall, to include height. These are legitimate. But not too unrealistically high.


I realize the ugly ones have unrealistic expectations. Just my previous example about the 2/10 girl I was talking about, 2 of her criteria was 'must be English masters', and must be so and so height even when she herself is short.


It's almost like she's game playing, she's telling us "look I have high standards", which can easily be recognized by guys and crack jokes about how "this must be an ugly one".


But it doesn't matter to us guys because I prefer a friendly tolerant one by my side rather than one who talks about everyone's flaw as we walk on the street. I don't want to hear any of that.

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