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What is the best way to ask out a girl you like?


ChrisC

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I'd like to start dating and getting to know girls again after healing from a terrible breakup that occurred a year ago but took so long to deal with. Before my breakup, I was with this person for almost 5 years, so getting back into the dating scene is rather terrifying. I've gone a couple dates so far, but they just never felt right. They were just girls I met at bars and I'm not really interested in always meeting girls at bars and stuff. I also don't wish to use any of the online dating sites. Not my thing.

 

There is this woman that has really piqued my interest in a crazy way. When I see this person, my heart just melts and I feel all these emotions. I know it's most likely infatuation, but it makes me feel alive, it makes me feel happy. I know its all fantasy right now and I'm trying not to get carried away, but I would really like a chance to get to know this person and see if anything is there. She is a woman I see four days a week. She works at this place I go to Monday through Thursday. I think I've seen her checking me out/staring at me before, although it could all be my imagination and something I'd like to think is actually happening. I walked by her once, our eyes met, I smile, she smiled back. A few times as I was leaving or coming, she'd be right there and I would look at her and smile and say hello or goodbye and she would give a nice smile back and say the same. It's at a gym and she works at the front desk and as a trainer. A few times while I've been moving around the gym from place to place, she would move to a spot closer to me. Again, this could be pure coincidence and all my imagination. Who knows.

 

Sometimes I get all this confidence and believe that she's into me. Makes me feel good about myself. Other times I'll think that she doesn't even know I exist and would never be into me. Like last night I was leaving and she was working on something and I said goodnight as I was leaving and she didn't even look up when she said goodbye so then I get all bummed out and think she doesn't even notice me at all. Then sometimes I think she is looking at me or she will smile back at me and I think she does notice me and could be interested.

 

It probably sounds like I am really over analyzing the situation and getting too hung up on it, and I probably am. This is what happens when you have to get back into the dating game after such a long hiatus. Another thing going against me is that to begin with, I was never good at approaching women I had crushes on. It was like torture because I was so afraid of rejection. Now it's even worse. I do know that I need to take more risks and I know if I never make a move, I'll probably always regret it. I'm sick of regretting things.

 

In the past, I always needed the woman to be more obvious with her signs of interest before I did anything. I think because this woman isn't, it means she isn't interested. I know I'm never going to be sure unless I ask, but what is the best way to do that in the environment I'm working with? She is usually working at the front desk or with a client training. The gym always seemed like a weird place to talk to women, but I can't help it, I want to talk to this girl and ask her out so bad. Can anyone give me any tips? If I ever did get the courage to ask her out and she said no, it wouldn't be that big of deal because I am moving a little further away from this gym in a month and a half, so If I got rejected I'd join another gym closer to my house so I wouldn't have that awkwardness of still seeing her every day.

 

So that is my goal, within the next month and a half I have to make a move or forever regret it. I just don't know what to do or how to do it since I feel like a newborn to the dating scene. Sorry for this long post, hope I didn't bore too many of you with it.

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Right now this is purely fantasy since you haven't even had a conversation with her! So how about initiating a conversation with her? Go up to the desk and chit chat. Just make some small talk about the gym or something. Break the ice somehow and you'll feel more comfortable asking her out.

 

If she works at the front desk, it's her job to be nice and friendly to the people who come to the gym, so it shouldn't be that hard to talk to her. I wouldn't flirt with her while she's working, though.

 

As for actually asking her out, you can start off with something casual and easy, like asking her when she has a break or gets off work. If she seems responsive, you could ask if she wants to have coffee or a bite to eat with you. Then you can flirt with her and get to know her better. You'll be better able to tell if there might be some interest on her part and if you might be compatible to date beyond the infatuation. If all goes well, you can ask for her number and ask her out in advance for a planned date.

 

Just take a deep breath and approach her the next time you see her at the front desk. Good luck!

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I know its purely fantasy, and I have to keep reminding myself of that from time to time. It can be quite fun to fantasize about something like this, especially after you've been hurt and you are longing to love and be loved again. I just need to get more confidence with this kind of thing. With me, I just figure that if girls don't approach you or go out of their way to talk to you, they aren't interested. Like I said, I need obvious signs before I even consider making the move. Obviously, I'm not getting them here so I guess I need to be a man and just take a chance. Like I said, if she says no, I'll just find another gym closer to where I'm moving and I'll move on. It's not the end of the world.

 

I just want to take more chances in life, more risks. I've taken a few over my 26 years, but not enough. I have too many "I wish I would have done that" moments. The fear of rejection is just rather terrifying that it prevents me from doing things I want to do. I need to shake this mentality somehow, but its hard.

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A few thoughts on what you just wrote. First of all, if you're still hurting it's going to be harder to face rejection since you're still vulnerable. So either wait until you're feeling a little stronger, or just accept that this will be hard for you. Since you want to take more risks, now is as good a time as any to start. The act of taking risks, even if you're rejected, will make you stronger. But rejection hurts, so know that you might feel hurt before you feel better.

 

Secondly, not all girls approach or give obvious signs. Many girls are shy.

 

Third, if she says no you don't need to find another gym. You politely accept that she's not interested and you keep your distance.

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Secondly, not all girls approach or give obvious signs. Many girls are shy.

 

 

I wish that weren't true. It'd be so much easier for me if girls were always obvious and even did the approaching. Making a move without the slightest clue is terrifying. This is why I fear I'll never meet anyone or fall in love again. I have no clue what I'm doing after 5 years with the same person, the one I thought I'd spend my life with. My goal is to eventually find that person I can marry and have a family with, and I know I need to date and put myself out there in order to find that person, but its a scary thing and there is so much uncertainty and doubt and sometimes I just feel helpless.

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i think it's good that you've started having a crush on a girl! it takes a lot to recover from a bad break-up and finally start to get excited about someone new. and saying that i agree with that you need to start talking to her. if she's at the desk start a conversation, does she do one on one training with anyone at the gym? ask her to help you out. you'll never know unless you take the plunge and even if this girl doesn't work out just having the confidence to talk to her will make it that much easier the next time you meet a girl you want to ask out. good luck!

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Yes, its very exciting to have a crush on someone new. It really makes me feel hopeful for the future. I know that even if nothing ever comes to be with this girl, I will eventually develop a crush on someone else and have those same feelings, and eventually, one of them will be my future wife and mother of my children!!

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In order to obtain license to ask her out, you have to introduce yourself and get to know her a bit. That shoudn't be too tough given she does front desk at your gym. Get her name, ask her where she's from, it will be easy from there. Once you have done that enough you should try to get contact information. If she gives you that, you have full rights to ask her out. Fire away. It doesn't mean she'll go for it, but you'll be putting her in the position to if it's what she wants.

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