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I´m driving myself crazy


Juxtapoz

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I like my boyfriend. A lot. Really, a lot. I might even be falling. Yeah, I probably am. All I know is the thought of losing him makes me feel sick. We´ve been together almost two months but I want more, many more.

 

We had our first romantic getaway last weekend and it was fun. When we weren´t being bunnies we were walking around, taking pictures and laughing. He took so many pictures of me in the streets, us together, tons and tons. Those three days was the longest duration we´ve spent together thus far.

 

After he dropped me off at my apartment on Sunday night, I started to feel a strange sensation. At first I thought it was all the caffeine I had that day, but now it´s Wednesday and the feeling hasn´t gone away.

 

It´s this bad feeling in my gut, like something´s not right. Like I keep expecting to get a call or a message saying he wants to talk and that we need to slow things down or end them, etc etc. Something negative. I don´t have much physical evidence or red flags to stand on, just a feeling.

 

I know I probably sound crazy. It could be nothing. But you should also trust your instincts, right? Is it an instinct, or is it just insecurity? I don´t know. The last time I had this feeling, i was 100% correct and got dumped two days later. And there were no real signs beforehand. I just knew. Ugh. I want to be wrong so so badly.

 

We haven´t really spoken much at all since Sunday. Just two text messages. No MSN dates like we usually have at night during the week. I´m scared. I´ve got something I don´t want to lose. When we do talk again, do I approach this subject, of Hi, I´m vulnerable and I don´t want to lose you (translates to, Hi, I´m crazy and clingy). And what if it is just an illusion? UGH.

I HATE this part. Thanks for reading my vent. Please be sensitive in your response if you choose to respond. I know I sound like a moron.

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No, I would not suggest bringing it up because it will make you look needy and clingy. Both of you are still in the honeymoon period so the weekend getaway of love and passion is just all part of the thrill of having someone...not necessarily grounded in reality, more the fantasy-world of a new relationship. So you are right that anything can happen at this point. However, just because you haven't heard from him since Sunday, doesn't mean that anything is wrong. Sometimes people do need a couple of days to reflect. Why not call him just to chat. It shouldn't necessarily be left up to him to initiate contact at this point in the relationship.

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Give him a call just to chat. Don't make the conversation be about your feelings, just call him to see how his week is going or invite him to do something with you on the weekend, maybe invite him over for dinner? You'll probably feel better after you talk to him and set up some plans. I wouldn't be surprised if he is feeling the same way right now, confused, wondering if you want ot take things further, wondering why he hasn't heard from you, etc.

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thanks guys, sound advice. i really do feel silly with the way i sound and i suppose it's normal.

 

i sent him a message asking if he wanted to go to salsa class with me tonight. he can't (works tomorrow 6 am), but said we'll still talk on msn and we can see each other tomorrow. so all in all, i feel a bit better. not quite out of the woods just yet, but i feel better.

 

i've spent many years kissing frogs. he's so much better than all of them, so i'm three times as scared to lose him. i need to chill out and have a glass of wine but it's only 2 pm and i have to work more later.

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