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BF said I am fat


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By averages, you're the ideal weight for a women of the size (actually a little bit less). But, this doesn't matter. You're obviously a healthy person. No, I personally don't think you're overweight but the opinion that matters the most is your own. Don't let what your boyfriend said influence what you feel about yourself. What matters is that you are happy and secure with how you look!

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We live together too. That's his personality I guess. He doesn't sugar coat anything. He even got the nerve to get mad at me when I got sad. He said, so what if you have a gut. I have one too. I was like damn. I work out hard 4 times a week and even take diet pills. However, he never feels bad when he looks at other girls in front of me. I feel like I'm being drained out. I am usually a happy go lucky person, but I feel like he is sucking the life out of me. We have been together for 4 years and have been living together for 3.

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I think this might be a good time for you to reconsider your relationship with this jerk.

What would he say if you were to get married, have a child and have some of that baby weight that many women can't get rid of? Seriously. I can't imagine being with a man that says that to me.

 

I remember when I would put on 5-10lbs my ex actually preferred it rather than being put off by it. I guess some guys are just different.

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We live together too. That's his personality I guess. He doesn't sugar coat anything. He even got the nerve to get mad at me when I got sad. He said, so what if you have a gut. I have one too. I was like damn. I work out hard 4 times a week and even take diet pills. However, he never feels bad when he looks at other girls in front of me. I feel like I'm being drained out. I am usually a happy go lucky person, but I feel like he is sucking the life out of me. We have been together for 4 years and have been living together for 3.

 

Just out of curiosity, where is your bf from? From what I understand, this sort of bluntness is acceptable in certain cultures. My friend and her boyfriend are Polish and he's said this to her as if there's nothing wrong with honesty like that. She has said herself that it is a cultural thing, but it still hurts her feelings and makes her feel ugly, fat and unwanted, so there definitely IS something wrong with honesty like that. These sorts of sensitive topics should be communicated in a much more careful way. I don't think it's ok to tell anyone "You're fat. You have a gut." Rude and unkind. Sorry you're in a similar situation as my friend. Your boyfriend should be making you feel beautiful and loved.

 

In what other ways do you feel he is sucking the life out of you? Is the main issue between you and your boyfriend the weight thing? Have you noticed a big change in the quality of your relationship in general?

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I have to disagree on this. My experience with Polish men is very limited, but my ex is Polish and he never ever called me fat, ugly or anything of the sort. In fact, he used to tell me how much better I looked if I had a few more pounds than I normally would, or how great I look without make up.

 

I also asked my brothers gf who is half Polish, and she thought that was ludicrous.

 

Generalizing a culture or nationality is fairly harsh based just on your friend's relationship with her boyfriend.

 

I think it's an individual thing.

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I have to disagree on this. My experience with Polish men is very limited, but my ex is Polish and he never ever called me fat, ugly or anything of the sort. In fact, he used to tell me how much better I looked if I had a few more pounds than I normally would, or how great I look without make up.

 

I also asked my brothers gf who is half Polish, and she thought that was ludicrous.

 

Generalizing a culture or nationality is fairly harsh based just on your friend's relationship with her boyfriend.

 

I think it's an individual thing.

 

I didn't mean to say Polish men or any other nationalities call their girlfriends fat, I meant that in some cultures it's not a big no-no to comment on your partner's weight like it is in North America. The biggest thing I can take from my Polish friend's relationship is that her boyfriend is a jerk, and so is the OP's boyfriend.

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He sounds really insensitive. Not sugar coating does not have to = jerk. Maybe show him what a healthy body mass index is and that you are totally healthy. Most women have a little bit in the tummy area. Women carry more fat than men because they NEED to. Their hormones and the fact we produce children REQUIRES our body too. If he wants some anorexic runway model then maybe he should go look for one. I know he would be leaving my life for sure.You are just fine.

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Don't let his stupid and very ignorant comment cause you to fall into a downward spiral where all you do is workout, starve and pop pills. I have seen too many girls fall victim to stupid men like that.

 

If you feel fine and you love the way you look, then that's all that matters.

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I didn't mean to say Polish men or any other nationalities call their girlfriends fat, I meant that in some cultures it's not a big no-no to comment on your partner's weight like it is in North America. The biggest thing I can take from my Polish friend's relationship is that her boyfriend is a jerk, and so is the OP's boyfriend.

 

I think in all cultures (where men are not superior to women) it is a big no no. For very obvious reasons, women everywhere are sensitive about their looks and hearing those kind of sentences makes them feel unloved, unwanted etc. A woman that feels like that usually can't be a good lover because she feels self conscious, I think most men know this so they avoid talking like that.

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I have to disagree on this. My experience with Polish men is very limited, but my ex is Polish and he never ever called me fat, ugly or anything of the sort. In fact, he used to tell me how much better I looked if I had a few more pounds than I normally would, or how great I look without make up.

 

I also asked my brothers gf who is half Polish, and she thought that was ludicrous.

 

Generalizing a culture or nationality is fairly harsh based just on your friend's relationship with her boyfriend.

 

I think it's an individual thing.

 

In some cultures it's not even an insult to call someone fat, so I'm not trying to say that some cultures are more rude than others. There are just things that are acceptable to say in some cultures over others.

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He's insensitive. If he knows how you feel about your body he will not make remarks like that. If he's concerned about your weight (shouldn't be, he's probably delusional) than there should be a nicer way of him telling you BECAUSE you are his GF and he should be able to at least be nice (geez)

 

I gain some weight here and there. Nothing drastic but my body changes. Sometimes I've very toned and fit and other times I'm not so much but I"m never "FAT". My bf likes to appreciate my body both ways.

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I know. Right now he and I aren't talking. He hasn't even tried to apologize. This time not talking is giving me time to think about things overall. I'm beginning to think... I can honestly say that I can't see myself with him for the rest of my life. (If he continues to act like this. I don't think he can change. He's been like this for four years.

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