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He finally admitted it...


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This will be long sorry.

 

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. Moved out and tried for minimal contact, but we have a toddler together so there has to at least be some communication and I'm fine with that. He was controlling, manipulative, untrusting, and untrustworthy during our relationship which is why I ended up leaving. It got to the point that I wasn't even allowed to spend time with my family because he would freak if I was gone from the house for more than an hour.

 

He wants me back and I've already made it clear that I'd rather spend the rest of my life single and alone than go back to him. After a month of being apart he finally started listening to what I had to say. I was mostly just relieved when I left him. I didn't feel sad or even angry. It felt so liberating. I'm finally getting some spring back in my step and all that.

 

Well a couple days ago he asked me why I wouldnt at least let him prove that he'd changed. I've finally gotten over my fear of his temper tantrums for the most part(that's a diff story and won't go into it here) so I told him exactly what I thought of him and explained that I'm not as dimwitted and naive as he's always thought I am. I told him about all the things I know that he's done and he thought he was being so clever at hiding from me.

 

He was really suprised that I knew all the things that I do. And after hearing me out he admitted that I was right and that he did do all those things and when I asked why, he actually told me. And the few things I suspected but didn't have any kind of proof on... he admitted things about those too. He was very honest and straight forward about it all. I really appreciated it.

 

Now I'm really hurt. I mean it's not like I didn't know all that stuff at the time. I guess it's just different knowing something and actually hearing it admitted from their own mouth. I can't help but think about all the time I spent taking care of him, and I mean I did EVERYTHING around the house right down to making him dinner and refridgerating it so he didnt have to cook when he got home and I worked full time and ran all our errands, and it makes me angry and sad and I feel so betrayed that I tried so hard to make his life simple and happy... and he was eyeballing anything with breasts and chasing anything that batted their eyelashes at him the whole time. I felt fine about our breakup until he told me all those things. Now I'm just... not fine. I want to cry my eyes out but I can't for some reason. Not one single tear. I know it's nuts to freak now when I knew about everything all along but I just can't help it.

 

Anybody else ever had anything like this happen? I'm not a very emotional kind of person and prefer to logically think things out before letting my emotions into it. But this time... I just can't sit down and be unemotional and that's not normal for me so I'm having a hard time figuring out how to deal with all this. Any advice or comments are welcome. Thanks.

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It could be two things

 

1) The first step in change is admitting you have a problem. He is doing that now. Maybe you never thought it would happen. But its a game changer. You don't know how to react as its from left field.

 

2) You feel emotional because it brought back up a lot of old stuff. It is just part of the healing process. Even though you are healed as far as not wanting him back, there are probably parts that are still hurt. Crying is a natural release. Be kind to yourself.

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I suppose it is different having a feeling about something and finding out it's true without a doubt from the source. I'm sure the feeling must suck. I'm glad you're sticking to your guns & not letting him loor you back in.

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I suppose it is different having a feeling about something and finding out it's true without a doubt from the source. I'm sure the feeling must suck. I'm glad you're sticking to your guns & not letting him loor you back in.

 

I've learned my lesson with him. I'm not afraid of being alone and I'm sure that's helping me a lot with not giving in.

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This kind of thing is never easy.

I can't tell if you're a little disappointed in yourself that you feel upset and feel like crying...? If so, don't feel bad about getting caught up in the emotions! Situations like this make everyone upset, some more than others. 2 years and a child together is a big deal.

 

You did the right thing by leaving him for good.

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He finally discovered he's brave and started to trust you enough to be honest about his actions. That's growth. You should actually feel sort of proud of him for finally being a man about it.

 

Men cheat because they have opportunity and feel they can get away with it through deceit. The thing is, it doesn't mean he didn't love you. Men compartmentalize in ways we women can't comprehend. It's a mix between modern man and Neanderthal. I hear in another 10,000 years, mens brains will be reprogrammed for monogamy. Seriously, 10K years and they'll feel more monogamous.

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I'm not really disappointed in myself for feeling upset(although it is frustrating when I've been feeling so great since leaving) but more confused at why I should feel this way now when I didn't really feel that way when it was happening. When it was happening I was kept telling myself to get over it and that there must be a logical explanation for it, that I'm missing an important bit of information that would make it okay.

 

10,000 years and they'll feel more inclined to be monogamous... that's hilarious and terrifying... 0.0

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10,000 years and they'll feel more inclined to be monogamous... that's hilarious and terrifying... 0.0

 

 

I've heard that over time, men will cease to exist because the Y chromosome is shrinking. Now explain how THAT'S supposed to work!!

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i think OP youre having a delayed reaction...you have been so strong to just keep going and getting on and out of the relationship, its like your wiring had to block out the reality until you did....and now that the validation is here, the emotional side of it and the reality has hit you like a ton of bricks. i could be wrong but this is very 'normal' for peeps who have been in abusive relationships

 

from my own experience i would be very very wary into getting back with this guy...oh yeah hes telling all now, he knows the game is up, so by telling you everything hes hoping you will take the 'no more secrets' attitude and take him back. i feel that this is just another clever manipulation so just be on your guard. if hes changed...get his therapist to prove it as well as him...but personally i think lifes too short and you are right not to go back there

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Im glad you feeling so strong about yourself, despite the feelings of being confused. But To be honest with you, "Some" people actualy change and realize their mistakes, although most times is already too late.. Although there is no escuse for cheating... that must be hurtful and hard to trust again... But like you stated, you are happy he is out of your life, So is all good for you..

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