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Is it wrong just to ignore people you don't find attractive?


Godless_Heathen

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I'm talking in an online dating situation.

 

I try and make an effort to respond to most emails I get, even if the initial email is really short, like "I'd like to talk" and nothing more. Generally if I don't find them attractive, I can make a polite excuse as to why we're a poor match.

 

Now and then, though, I get an email from someone who I might otherwise be interested in, but whom I find really unattractive. I try to be open minded about that, but sometimes it's obvious I'm not going to make it work.

 

What do you do then? Silence is somewhat hurtful, and I hate discouraging women from making contact with men, but an honest answer seems a lot worse.

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I prefer men to not reply to me, than to reply and say "I'm not interested"... that is just me! We all get ignored sometimes, it's a bit irritating, but we all get over it. Your response to them once shouldn't impact on them emailing other guys. Your concern is sweet though! Shame there aren't more nice people online!

 

Ammy

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I'm talking in an online dating situation.

 

I try and make an effort to respond to most emails I get, even if the initial email is really short, like "I'd like to talk" and nothing more. Generally if I don't find them attractive, I can make a polite excuse as to why we're a poor match.

 

Now and then, though, I get an email from someone who I might otherwise be interested in, but whom I find really unattractive. I try to be open minded about that, but sometimes it's obvious I'm not going to make it work.

 

What do you do then? Silence is somewhat hurtful, and I hate discouraging women from making contact with men, but an honest answer seems a lot worse.

 

It's nothing at all personal, but if you're not attracted to them, you're not attracted to them. I would just say that I appreciated the email but wasn't interested. There really is no other sensitive way to let someone down.

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Yes, I think that it is rude. It is hard to put yourself out there to someone. I think that you should feel flattered that someone cared enough to make the effort, if they approach you in the right way. All that you have to do, as someone above pointed out, is to send a brief message saying thanks but that you aren't interested. Then, if the person persists, ignore them.

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Remember that not everyone photographs well. Some of it has to do with just poorly chosen photos/poor quality photos and some people just feel awkward with their photo taken and it comes accross. There are a lot of people who are better looking in person just as the opposite is true or they just look different. If someone sounds very intriguing and a total match/catch except their photo, I might be tempted to meet them anyway. Afterall - if you just go to lunch where your time with eachother is limited - its just lunch with a nice person you may have not have clicked with. No harm done.

 

My cousin had strict criteria for men she would date - looks type, height, and about 12 other criteria about looks. Once she forgot about that, she met the love of her life. He is actually shorter than her, losing his hair, but he treats her like a prize. He would be considered by some people very attractive, but just not what she would normally look for. Oh, and they married within a year and half and have kids now too. They couldn't be happier.

 

Anyway, thre is still no big thing if you think they are hideous. Just answer back your first choices first.

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Yes, I think that it is rude. It is hard to put yourself out there to someone. I think that you should feel flattered that someone cared enough to make the effort, if they approach you in the right way. All that you have to do, as someone above pointed out, is to send a brief message saying thanks but that you aren't interested. Then, if the person persists, ignore them.

 

You can always say you are going on a date with someone and want to see where it goes. As long as its true. That is, for me, a polite way to brush someone off without shooting them down. I wouldn't be rude, as the poster said above, if they approached you in a gentlemanly and friendly way rather than "hey babe, want to 'do it'"

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it's the internet, you can do what you please.

 

Internet or real life. People are supposed to act politely and properly. It doesnt matter wherever it happens.

 

No wonder many people hate online dating because there seem to be too many lousy people on the internet who otherwise might act very differently in real life.

 

As for the original poster. It's sweet of you to have this concern. Whether you ignore them or refuse them in a kind way, it might hurt a little anyway. But like one poster said this is ok, its not like you are dating and then drop them cold all of sudden.

 

When people show interest in others, they should be prepared and open-minded for a refusal.

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it's the internet, you can do what you please.

What pleases me is not making internet dating any worse than it already is. I'm aware that even if she's a stranger to me, she's another human being, and I prefer to treat her as I would be treated myself.

 

My cousin had strict criteria for men she would date - looks type, height, and about 12 other criteria about looks.

I don't have a list, personally, and I understand how being strict about criteria that have nothing to do with what makes a good relationship is just sabotaging yourself. That said, I've experimented in the past with dating women who were outside my comfort range, and it didn't work out.

 

Whether you ignore them or refuse them in a kind way, it might hurt a little anyway.

Yeah, I'm aware of that. I was just floundering around trying to find a refusal that was kinder than silence, but which wasn't dishonest.

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From my previous online dating experiences, I noticed that the majority of guys took the ignore approach, which some women may prefer, but personally I found that rude and very hurtful. Later I got used to it and tried not to take it personally but it still hurt.

 

But there was a guy who refused me very kindly. I was thankful for him.

 

I was racking my brain trying to remember what he said but in vain It was years ago.

 

Like you, I always responded to each mail no matter how short or casual it was, as long as its not rude or disrespectful.

 

If I am not interested in that person, I would thank them for the attention and sometimes make some random comments on their profile and wish them good luck in their search for potential partner. They usually take the hint and dont persist.

 

I hope this helps

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when i'm out i glance around. even if i see a girl checking me out and i don't find her attractive, i look away. if someone i don't find interesting or attractive talks to me, i give short answers and display non-interest. i've had to flat out tell a girl i wasn't interested before because she didn't get the signals. i don't owe strangers anything.

 

i don't do online dating or anything, but i probably just wouldn't reply.

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