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Unique Predicament- Please help


alphavas

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My ex-girlfriend and I had been together for the past 6 years. We met in college and continued to date living in the same city. Everything was fine until about 2 years ago when she decided to move back with her parents 400 miles away. I still saw her every 2-3 weeks. I started to settle thinking that seeing her this often is more than sufficient. Numerous times she had asked/demanded me to find a job in her city so that we can be closer. Being the guy that I am, I always brushed it off (my fault). After a few months of asking, she slowly stopped. I felt relieved without the constant pressure. Everything was going great until 2 weeks ago when she dropped the bomb and decided that we are "not right for each other". I was devastated.

 

I dont know what made me procrastinate in moving. I loved her city and would love to move. Maybe it was because of the bad economy. I even begged her to to get back with me if I found a job and moved. She said it was too late. Deep down I love her city and now really feel like moving up there.

 

My question is:

 

1. Is its a wise decision to move up there soon if I received a job offer?

 

2. Am I doing it for the wrong reasons, and will come off as doing it just to get back with her. (I really love her city)

 

I feel like I really messed up my chances because she gave me clues that she cannot wait for me any longer. I feel that I only have a shot to get back with her if I move up there.

 

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

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Well in theory moving for a girl who doesn't want you anymore is a bad idea. Plus she was probably waiting for you to move/find a job there for two whole years. That's a long time...so she probably lost faith in the idea she had along time ago.

 

What you could do, perhaps...is give her some space for a few weeks. Like don't talk to her. During that time find a apartment/job there (hand out resumes/go apartment searching or roommate searching one weekend) but don't actually move or take the job. Find a place and find a job, and show her proof that you have these two things, if she denies then go on NC.

 

Don't actually move or take a job though unless you know she wants you back.

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I'm just curious why you consider it your fault for not obeying her demands to move there. You guys met in a certain city and it was her who decided to get up and leave to live somewhere else. Why didn't you tell her to move where you are? If on the other hand you were promising her that you'd move but just avoided it then it is your fault and your best option is stay where you are and tell her that you apologize for not moving and that she means a lot to you so if she thinks it over and decides to give the two of you another go you will be ready to move right away, just leave it at that. You don't want to force yourself on her if she said she doesn't want a relationship with you anymore and that's exactly what it's going to look like if you move there now.

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Yes it was my fault I admit for promising to move up there and not going through with it. It seems as if I got too comfortable in my surroundings. Now Im beating myself over the head with it. I do realize that moving up there now will not be a cure all, as the damage (emotional neglect, attraction) have been done. I just want to know all my options before I make a life-changing decision (moving 400 miles, new job, new friends). FYI, I still wanna be with her no doubt, shes an amazing girl no matter how you look at it. She was very gracious in letting me know about the breakup.

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Yes you shouldnt have promised her you'd move to where she's at....but the fact that she moved away when you had been together for 4 years was a bad sign. If her parents decided to move again, and she would no doubt follow them, would you continue to follow her?

I'm almost certain she is seeing someone else....

Dont Panic,chase her, or do something you will regret later...Its better to let this go for a while in my opinion. An opinion based on being in almost the exact same situation in the past.

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If you want to live there, then do it for you, not her. If you do want to live there and do move, give her a call after you're there, with a job and place to stay. Tell her something like, "hey, you're the only person I know in town. I thought you could show me around." Start slow, build trust, and tell her that you don't know what took so long - you LOVE it there.

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If you have had love, you should do your best to get it back. May be she wont come back, but at least you would have tried.

 

Plus, if you like the city and you can get the job you want, then why not?

 

Worst case scenario -- you will have a job in a city you like, but not the girl. Doesnt seem too bad to to me. I can think of many other worse situations.

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