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7 months later, cant except its over.


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Its been 7 months since the end of my relationship and i still cant accept its over. I feel ridiculous because IM the one who ENDED IT. I've had 7 months of absolutley NC, none, not once, my last words to her was "shut me out of your life and don't ever speak to me again". Yet my heart wont accept its over, but my mind is telling me to move on and find someone else, but I cant. I dont understand, I still have dreams about her, i think about her(knowing damn well we could never get together in a million years), I just want to move on but something is keeping me from. I feel like I got no closure, but our break up was so bad and so long ago, theres no way im going to call her up and ask me to talk to her, especially considering she probably hates my guts.

 

What should I do?

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If I were in your shoes, I would call her. BUT only call her if you're sincere about your intentions. Know that if you call and want to talk things over with her, it could cause her to believe you want to reconcile and get back together. If you have no intentions of getting back together with her, I would leave her alone. However, if that is something you think about, talk to her. You really have no idea what she is feeling.

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She is currently in a relationship, so I'm not going to interfere with that. I just can't call her up, I know if I break NC and talk to her or even meet up with her, that all those feelings would come back and stunt my healing process.

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It's possible that you can't accept that she has moved on. Seemingly you were the strong one but it seems that she was able to be in another relationship sooner. Did you just lose interest in her or was it her behaviour that made you end it?

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I've been here before with my ex. I ended the relationship and couldn't get over it for months. In all honesty, it probably took well over a year for me to truly move on. And I'm still not seeing anyone, despite the relationship ending almost 3 years ago.

 

Everyone grieves and deals with break-ups at different paces. Don't beat yourself up for taking a little extra time because it will be worth it in the long run. There is absolutely no point looking for a new relationship if you've still got loose ends with your old one. If talking to her isn't an option, perhaps someone close that you trust? Or maybe just an email from your side to clear things up, with the option of blocking her address afterwards to ensure NC remains and no old feelings resurface?

 

In any case I wish you luck. It's never easy.

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If I were you I wouldn't break NC until you are absolutely sure the raw emotions and emotional connections with her have cooled sufficiently. It can take a long time (took me 5 years with one ex!). I tried re-establishing contact with another who I'd not long broken up with and let me tell you that is a HUGE mistake. Don't do it until you know you are definitelly ready, some days will feel like hell and you'll be holding yourself back with all the force you can muster, but things WILL get better.

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I agree with iain7119.....I've made that mistake, and I truly wish I hadn't. I tried recently to re-establish contact via Facebook, she accepted my request, and that was it. For some reason, I expected us to start talking again.

 

Once you can look at it objectively, detached from any emotions, then think about it.

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