I can never stick with it

[gravity]

Just last night I broke up with my live in GF of 2 years over her emotionally cheating on me. She wants to work things out, I said no last night. Today I'm already considering offering to try couples counseling to try and work this out. Not getting back together immediately, but willing to work on it until one of us moves out (four months max then lease is up) call it "probation". I wouldn't get back until I'm 100% sure of her commitment and trust has been regained and I wouldn't be able to move out before that anyways.

 

I do love this girls. she pushes me to me a better person.

 

but maybe I'm just crazy.

[ToF]

Why would you think you're crazy?

[metrogirl]

What was the nature of her emotional affair?

[annie24]

i don't know - after all those threads you posted about her, i think you're better just breaking it off for good. i mean, blah. everything you've said about her. she seems like a mess all around.

[gravity]

I snooped and found texts expressing sexy feelings/ outright love she's been sharing with her ex over the past week since he stopped by our town and they caught up a week ago, they've also been talking on the phone every day for hours.

 

confronted her yesterday. she claimed it was just a lapse of judgment and meant nothing.

 

I ended it. but I still love her, and we're pretty much stuck together where we live.

[guynextdoor]

Look at it this way man, you are thinking about going to counseling, and she is probably counseling as we speak with her ex. You gotta get the hint by now..

[ToF]

Look at it this way man, you are thinking about going to counseling, and she is probably counseling as we speak with her ex. You gotta get the hint by now..

 

Listen closely to this. It's not an easy thing to accept, but I think this girl has other plans ... and they involve her ex, not you

 

You deserve better, as cliche as that sounds.

[gravity]

i don't know - after all those threads you posted about her, i think you're better just breaking it off for good. i mean, blah. everything you've said about her. she seems like a mess all around.

 

yeah, she can be a handful sometimes (add bi-polar to the list if I haven't mentioned it yet), but usually we're very good together. She's probably one of the smarter people I've dated and I've only ever dated ivy-league.

 

As I said she pushes me to be better. like finish my undergrad (she found me a school, got me in, and pretty much moved me here on her own), get away from my dead-beat friends who were holding me back (as much as i love those fools they're going nowhere), and just generally be be healthier & more involved in life.

 

I know she's put a lot into the relationship (this is me talking, she didn't bring up any of this when we talked), which is why this was such a shocker that she would be interested in another man.

 

I don't know . . . I want to work things out, but I'm just not sure how I could trust her again.

[ElChup]

I snooped and found texts expressing sexy feelings/ outright love she's been sharing with her ex over the past week since he stopped by our town and they caught up a week ago, they've also been talking on the phone every day for hours.

 

confronted her yesterday. she claimed it was just a lapse of judgment and meant nothing.

 

I ended it. but I still love her, and we're pretty much stuck together where we live.

 

Move on as quick as you can. She is scum. She is not emotionally invested in you at all if she can spend that much time talking to the ex. Her heart is somewhere else.

[gravity]

Listen closely to this. It's not an easy thing to accept, but I think this girl has other plans ... and they involve her ex, not you

 

You deserve better, as cliche as that sounds.

 

I dunno, I actually suggested to her that if she wants this guy who lives where she wants to move and has a job over my broke butt in the south which she hates.

 

she wasn't interested.

 

I'm bringing very little into the relationship right now since I'm involved in my schoolwork. All I have to offer is stability, and having met this guy he's about as stable as me and much more eloquent.

[HeartGoesOn]

I snooped and found texts expressing sexy feelings/ outright love she's been sharing with her ex over the past week since he stopped by our town and they caught up a week ago, they've also been talking on the phone every day for hours.

 

confronted her yesterday. she claimed it was just a lapse of judgment and meant nothing.

 

I ended it. but I still love her, and we're pretty much stuck together where we live.

 

That's a line that the vast majority of cheaters use, "It was a lapse of judgement, and it meant nothing."

 

How can you be sure that she'll stay away from him, or if she'll find a better way to cover it up, since she now knows that you're looking over her shoulder? I think that anytime an "ex" is still in the picture, it's time for you to let go, and see the writing on the wall.

 

But, this is your life, and your call, and I wish you the best...

[troubleis]

you need to get some space. you need a dramatic change of environment. either you need to get out of that house, or she does.

 

this would be a great time to go to some panama city-esque spring break environment. or perhaps a foreign country you've always wanted to visit. the more you can break out of your comfort zone, the better...

 

*ideally* i'd recommend a dirt-poor 3rd world country where culture shock and fear of physical violence will shake you up and shock your system into a headspace of both 'survival mode' and 'compassion for people other than you/her'...

 

otherwise, *tough love time* - at this moment you seem weak and indecisive my man, and if you don't overcome these tendencies, it'll torture your soul and emasculate you. although my heart does go out to you. i've been there and it sucks. i hope you'll follow my suggestion.

[metrogirl]

If her heart is still with the ex then no amount of trying to work on the relationship is going to work. She will just find other means to stay in contact with him and do you really want to risk further heartache?

[gravity]

If her heart is still with the ex then no amount of trying to work on the relationship is going to work. She will just find other means to stay in contact with him and do you really want to risk further heartache?

 

It's not as if they do this constantly, Last time they saw each other was a year ago and I was there. they maybe call/text a few times a year "happy new year stuff" all harmless. Until this last week when he was in town for business.

 

I can't really leave here, so I guess I'll allow her try to work at winning back my trust for the time we are stuck together, while keeping myself guarded. If things haven't changed by the time I find my own place for next year, well we'll still be broken up.

[ToF]

It's not as if they do this constantly, Last time they saw each other was a year ago and I was there. they maybe call/text a few times a year "happy new year stuff" all harmless. Until this last week when he was in town for business.

 

I can't really leave here, so I guess I'll allow her try to work at winning back my trust for the time we are stuck together, while keeping myself guarded. If things haven't changed by the time I find my own place for next year, well we'll still be broken up.

 

A) You don't know for sure that this isn't a constant thing.

 

B) How will you keep from sleeping with her/acting like a couple while you're living with her?

[troubleis]

I can't really leave here, so I guess I'll allow her try to work at winning back my trust for the time we are stuck together, while keeping myself guarded. If things haven't changed by the time I find my own place for next year, well we'll still be broken up.

 

If you're in some kind of academic program, isn't spring break just around the corner? I'm sure you could squeeze in a 7-10 day trip if you had the will to do so. I honestly think you're making a grave mistake if you 'allow her to try to work at winning back your trust'. You came to this board for advice and support, and I think we'd all be doing you a disservice if we coddled you. To me it seems a question of whether you're just hell-bent on suffering a lot more before the crap finally hits the fan. The silver lining in any case is that it is sure to be one heck of a learning experience for you.

[gravity]

A) You don't know for sure that this isn't a constant thing.

 

B) How will you keep from sleeping with her/acting like a couple while you're living with her?

 

A) well I'm pretty sure, I've snooped before (I can be pretty insecure) but there was nothing.

 

B) that's pretty much up in the air either way. I can't leave right now, and she said she wont. She's sleeping in the den. and that's about all i can do.

 

thanks guys, keep them coming. The posts I don't agree with are often the ones which help the most.

[ToF]

A) well I'm pretty sure, I've snooped before (I can be pretty insecure) but there was nothing.

 

B) that's pretty much up in the air either way. I can't leave right now, and she said she wont. She's sleeping in the den. and that's about all i can do.

 

thanks guys, keep them coming. The posts I don't agree with are often the ones which help the most.

 

I'm really glad you're keeping an open mind about all this. That is what will help you the most.

 

Just be strong. Decide what YOU want, and STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Sleeping with her or anything like that will only blur the lines and further complicate things. It's just going to be very tempting...

[ElChup]

A) well I'm pretty sure, I've snooped before (I can be pretty insecure) but there was nothing.

 

B) that's pretty much up in the air either way. I can't leave right now, and she said she wont. She's sleeping in the den. and that's about all i can do.

 

thanks guys, keep them coming. The posts I don't agree with are often the ones which help the most.

 

Denial. That's what I see here.

[lunatic]

It’s easier to judge someone when you are not emotionally invested or involved. I can only tell Gravity the same thing everyone else is saying. GET OUT! If you want to give it a shot beware that heartache is in your future. This woman sounds a lot like my ex. She kept me in her life for another three years after I caught her in bed(not screwing) with her ex. She told me that it was a mistake and a lapse of judgment. She said she would do whatever it took to win my trust back. That honestly lasted a few weeks before she went back to the old Christine.

 

In the end she left me broke, heartbroken, and emotionally damaged. She played games with my head and left me for another man within weeks of me telling her she used up all my money.

 

Do yourself a favor and get out! if you insist in staying beware she may rip your heart out of your chest and show it to you before she goes back to the ex.

 

I hope I am wrong but, man you're playing with fire here!

[troubleis]

It’s easier to judge someone when you are not emotionally invested or involved. I can only tell Gravity the same thing everyone else is saying. GET OUT!

 

good post all around hubman. it's definitely easier to judge from afar. however, it is often also IMPOSSIBLE to see one's own situation clearly when they are emotionally involved. many a tough-talking 'man's man' has given this sort of tough love advice to good friends, and then turned around and gotten himself involved with a very manipulative sociopath, and he can't even see his own error in judgement.

 

doesn't excuse it, though. our choices are what define us. do the right thing.

[HeartGoesOn]

You're only fooling yourself, and you're dealing with this, by not dealing with it.

[iBroken]

It's not as if they do this constantly

 

 

But they did it enough to compromise the integrity of your relationship enough that you felt the need to end it.

 

I wont tell you what to do as I have been in your shoes. But I will say this. DO NOT MAKE A DECISION RIGHT NOW. Let her sweat it out. And while you take this space to sort yourself out, think about what you really have gained from this relationship and what you might continue to gain.

 

Also think about what this relationship will be without trust and whether or not you feel it is worth it.

[Flywest29]

Dude I have read your threads on this girl, you need to drop her fast! Everyone here is telling you this but you seem to be so wishy washy. Why? This chick is messed and treating you like dirt. What does that say about your own self worth? Move out! Take the hit on the lease and don't look back. You will never be happy with her and she will only screw you over again. Unless that's what you want? Don't try to justify her she is fuct in the head!

[gravity]

Thanks guys, I know deep down that this is the right thing. I'm just stupid and need reminding sometimes.

 

Every time I start to waver I'm gonna picture a crowd of all you who posted yelling at me to see the obvious.