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Is she really mad at me for being sick?


Matrixman

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Been seeing this girl for a couple months now. This past week she came down with this really bad sickness. Coughing up a storm, bad sore throat, and basically bed ridden. I stayed with her for a night and then the day after taking care of her. The next day I came down with a fever and a sore throat. I basically felt like garbage. I told her about it and she responded with "Oh poor baby. *weeze* *weeze*. Must be so awful." I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. Then later on I called her up, and she basically tried to minimize what I had. She said that she didn't even consider me sick. She then invited me out to a bar with her friends, and I rejected it because of how i felt. She came back with "So let me get this straight...I'm over here dying, while all you have is a little fever, and I'm going out? Are you kidding me?" I told her that she really needed to back off and that I'm not going to compare our sicknesses because it's pointless. We got into it a bit and she got really pissed off and hung up on me. Also, that entire night I told her that I was going to go to bed because I felt miserable, but she kept calling and texting me all night trying to keep me awake. She told me it was lame that I was going to bed so early...

 

What the hell is with this? Is this a sign of things to come?

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Haha, can't have anything taking away attention from her. What a toolbox. Dump that broad.

 

 

I completely agree, sounds like if you get any deeper into this relationship you'll be whipped without even knowing it.

 

She sounds childish and immature and you should not have to deal with that, you had a fever...and if she was as sick as she says she was she shouldn't have been going out. She sounds like a two faced...B word.

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Haha, can't have anything taking away attention from her. What a toolbox. Dump that broad.

 

Y'know...I had a longer reply typed out, checked back and saw ^ that...and really, that's what it comes down to.

 

When I was with my alcoholic ex, I took a bad fall during a horseback riding class. Called him thinking he'd come get me. Nope. He just whined about having to drive all the way out to the stable.

 

I drove myself to the ER. As it turns out, I broke the elbow-end of one of the bones in my forearm off. Like the top 1.5" of it. Had to have surgery to remove the broken bits, several weeks in a cast & physical therapy to regain use of the arm. My ex was completely useless during this time. Didn't lift a finger to help me unless I asked...multiple times...and then he only did so after much eye-rolling, sighing and acting SO inconvenienced by it.

 

Sure, you can talk to her....but if she's that uncaring over a cold/flu, hate to see how much a major injury/illness would inconvenience her.

 

From first hand experience, I can tell you that you really don't want to find out.

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To offer a controversial opinion, there are a lot of women out there that hang on to the old fashioned view that men should be men and battle through colds, the flu and so forth, without whinging. I think this is often magnified if said women are prone to bad periods, which that are taught to shut up and put up with every month. Basically there's a little resentment there.

 

My OH is very much along these lines. However, when I have been seriously ill, or have broken a limb, she never once got tired of my moans for sympathy, because she knew I was in serious discomfort and needed support. I think some women sometimes get a little tired of men turning things like colds and flu into death bed situations with a load of drama, when they have to feel unwell once a month.....and lets face it gentlemen, we do all make a real dog's dinner out of the simplest of illnesses, myself included. The phrase "man flu" would not exist if we didn't!!!!

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When I was with my alcoholic ex, I took a bad fall during a horseback riding class. Called him thinking he'd come get me. Nope. He just whined about having to drive all the way out to the stable.

To be fair to him, you realise that he possibly wanted to, but was so driven to have his next fix that he had no choice be to let you down? He probably couldn't drive to get you sober because he'd be fighting withdrawals. Such is the power of chemical addiction.

 

Therefore, I'm not so sure the situations are comparable.

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I don't think that's what happened here, though, ElChup. By the OP's description, she just sounds like he's an accessory and if he doesn't do what she wants, she's upset.

 

Disagree. She may just see him as weak. Fact is that she was also ill and she has, as she indicated, not stopped her going out and getting on with her life, while he sits in bed doing nothing.

 

Look, she may be a heartless cow, but she may also simply be someone who has no attraction to weaklings. There's too much Hollywood enduced BS out there these days which says that men must be free to cry, be feminine, be sensitive, be allowed to fail and all this kind of stuff. Morally all this stuff is spot on. But it all forgets that women are not always morality living machines. They are illogical human beings with hormones and instincts that predominantly attract them to men who are strong and successful.

 

If you post a thread on here and ask women if they find weak men attractive you will be hard pressed to find one that says she does.

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I just think it is really silly to compare one illness or sickness to another and if some women really are saying "suck it up because I menstruate once a month" then they need to grow up and stop being so self-absorbed.

 

In your place, OP, I would kick this inconsiderate and silly woman to the curb and find one with more common-sense, intelligence and compassion.

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Disagree. She may just see him as weak. Fact is that she was also ill and she has, as she indicated, not stopped her going out and getting on with her life, while he sits in bed doing nothing.

 

Look, she may be a heartless cow, but she may also simply be someone who has no attraction to weaklings.

 

If you post a thread on here and ask women if they find weak men attractive you will be hard pressed to find one that says she does.

 

Uh, there's a huge difference between "I'm weak as a human being" and "I got a bad cold" -- If she doesn't know the difference, then homegirl's gonna have a really rough life because no one would put up with such silly ignorance.

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It isn't weak to stay at home if you are feeling sick. Going out and about is immature - apart from making the ilness worse there is a good chance you will spread it to other people so it is also selfish.

 

Why people would be accused of being weak when they are being sensible is beyond me.

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It isn't weak to stay at home if you are feeling sick. Going out and about is immature - apart from making the ilness worse there is a good chance you will spread it to other people so it is also selfish.

 

Why people would be accused of being weak when they are being sensible is beyond me.

 

Obviously, SHE wanted him to go out, regardless of how he felt.

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To be fair to him, you realise that he possibly wanted to, but was so driven to have his next fix that he had no choice be to let you down? He probably couldn't drive to get you sober because he'd be fighting withdrawals. Such is the power of chemical addiction.

 

Therefore, I'm not so sure the situations are comparable.

 

Uh, no...he didn't want to do anything that would inconvenience him. I knew the guy for several years. I don't believe you did.

 

That you think he'd be concerned about "driving sober" is laughable. The guy was just plain lazy and selfish, and he was that when he was sober as well as when he was wasted.

 

What do you suppose was his excuse for not assisting with food prep/housework while I was without the use of an arm? Too drunk to clean? Too drunk to fix a bowl of cereal? Please.

 

A childhood friend came to visit toward the end of my recovery. We went out for dinner. When my food arrived, without me having to ask, she took my plate and cut up dinner into bite sized pieces because there was no way I was going to be able to use a knife and fork with one hand. That's when I realized how things really should've been.

 

I'm sorry, but you really offended me with that comment. I spent far, far too long in that relationship trying to "be fair to him" and I was done making excuses for him years ago. I'm not going to start up again now.

 

 

EDITED TO ADD:

 

Much like the girl in the OP's situation, my ex could not stand not being the center of attention -- it had to be all about HIM. If it wasn't about him, he'd behave outrageously and create problems until it was. So, yes, there is some similiarity here.

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So. You get sick looking after her. She then turns it into a competition ("I was sick. What you have isn't close.") and then starts a fight because you won't go out?

 

She's a selfish idiot.

 

Has there been any comparable behaviour? I'm willing to think she might just be behaving badly because the fever has reached her brain, but if this is part of a pattern, you might want to reconsider your involvement.

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Seriously, if he was an alcoholic do you discount the possibility that he suffered from illness and withdrawals when he wasn't on the sauce? Are you that bitter towards him that you will not discount the possibility.

 

I have witnessed first hand what alcohol can do to a person. I am in a high stress profession and I have seen what it has done to good friends. These are good people with good hearts, but drink has overtaken their lives to the point where the booze bottle is the reason for getting through a day at the cost of all else. Have you ever been to Al-Anon? It may be a good idea as I think you are carrying a lot of bitterness and resentment.

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Seriously, if he was an alcoholic do you discount the possibility that he suffered from illness and withdrawals when he wasn't on the sauce? Are you that bitter towards him that you will not discount the possibility.

 

I have witnessed first hand what alcohol can do to a person. I am in a high stress profession and I have seen what it has done to good friends. These are good people with good hearts, but drink has overtaken their lives to the point where the booze bottle is the reason for getting through a day at the cost of all else. Have you ever been to Al-Anon? It may be a good idea as I think you are carrying a lot of bitterness and resentment.

 

You're entitled to your opinion. I am entitled to mine.

 

I have done 12 step and years of therapy. You will see what you see in my words, and I feel no need to convince you otherwise. If you want to see me as carrying steamer trunks of bitterness and resentment, go right ahead. I know my truth.

 

I am going to assume you are trying to be helpful and leave it at that.

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Uh, there's a huge difference between "I'm weak as a human being" and "I got a bad cold" -- If she doesn't know the difference, then homegirl's gonna have a really rough life because no one would put up with such silly ignorance.

 

Yeah, it has nothing to do with me being weak. I'm a strong person, but even strong people get sick. I didn't even complain much about it. All I did was tell her that I felt like garbage and she started going off on me about how she was so much sicker than me, and that she didn't even consider me sick. After that, I just dropped it, but she kept going on and on. It was beyond annoying.

 

I also consider it extremely inconsiderate of her to go out and do things while she's sick. She's putting others at risk of getting her illness. If she really felt the need to go out in her state then good for her, but I'm not going to do the same. It's just stupid.

 

So. You get sick looking after her. She then turns it into a competition ("I was sick. What you have isn't close.") and then starts a fight because you won't go out?

 

She's a selfish idiot.

 

Has there been any comparable behaviour? I'm willing to think she might just be behaving badly because the fever has reached her brain, but if this is part of a pattern, you might want to reconsider your involvement.

 

She tends to get angry when I tell her I have school work to do and can't go out with her or come over. She usually throws a hissy fit and hangs up on me, which in turn makes me feel horrible for the rest of the night. Or when I want to go out with my friends alone, she texts me the whole night making me feel terrible for leaving her alone at home, which in turn ruins my night and makes me want to leave. She's a doll sometimes.

 

Dump her...this selfishness wont go away, it will only get worse!!!!!

 

How old is she, I imagine just over 21 if she can go to the bar now? Cause my first guess was 17

 

She's 21.

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She tends to get angry when I tell her I have school work to do and can't go out with her or come over. She usually throws a hissy fit and hangs up on me, which in turn makes me feel horrible for the rest of the night. Or when I want to go out with my friends alone, she texts me the whole night making me feel terrible for leaving her alone at home, which in turn ruins my night and makes me want to leave. She's a doll sometimes.

 

So, thou shalt have no other Gods beside your Gf.

 

 

Seriously, put her back in her tower.

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